Lauren: Favorites

Aug 2017 Lauren

pencaricahaya

So it finally happened
I saw it coming long ago,
So I utterly snapped
And the fall came to a stop.

My glass heart broke
Into a thousand shards and pieces,
Not to be put together again
Not while its spark of light it misses.

And so I felt it:
The apprehension of my chest, the silent horror screams,
Everything going dark, and my transparent despair tears.

Nothing novel here of course
The common fate of things delicate,
Left unguarded and exposed
In this night so desolate.

And there is nothing left to burn
Nothing now inside remains,
Only ashes black and white
That for a while will not ignite,
And the void inside my chest
That ***** life and light and flesh.

None of this her fault is
All the blame is on me,
I plunged into love's abyss
Enchanted by its melody.

Perhaps that's what hurts the most
Having no one else to blame,
I can't escape my dreamy coast
And must endure alone the shame.

So my heart broke today
And I had no one there to hold,
So shall I wander astray
And for a while be alone.

Shame on me
Shame on the moon
Shame on the night
But never on you

#ashes #alone #goodbye #suffering #void #broken-heart #snap

Jul 2017 Lauren

type of girl

Jul 2017 Lauren

galaxy of myths

type of girl

There are two types of the word "crush-able". The first is the type that people would easily have a crush on. They got it all: the looks, intelligence, talent, humor, everything. It's hard to not fall for them the minute you lay eyes on them. You're attracted to them like a magnet. The second is the type that's easily crushed. Constantly getting hurt by the people around them, especially the ones they like or admire. They've gone through it all: getting rejected, ignored, pushed aside, not even second best, just..not a choice. Again and again and again. No surprise, I'm the latter.

I'm not the type of girl that people would crush on. I'm always the good friend. That's okay. I'll accept that. But it's always until there. That's the farthest I'll ever go with anyone. No matter how close we are, no matter how much we click; I've never been the special kind of person that they want to take to the next level. Maybe just foolishly flirting here and there, but they never take me seriously. No, I'm just their best friend.

The one who picks up the pieces when no one does, the one who sits quietly by your side when you're crying, the one who listens when you go on and on about this fantastic person you're drooling over, the one who eats with you when you don't feel like being in a large crowd cause you don't think you look your best but being with me is okay cause "Hey, you're my buddy. It's alright." Yeah I'm that girl. Always there for you, covering up your lies, tell you what's the homework you missed when you skipped class, getting text after text of "Can you do me a favor?.. Great, I owe you one. You're the best!"

It seems like I'm cursed to be everyone's friend. Again, it's not a bad thing. I just wish, for once, I'm the first type of crush-able. I wish someone would look at me like I put the stars in the sky and I make the waves crash on the sand. That I invented beauty with brains. I just wish someone would think highly of me the way I keep thinking of the people in my life. Of loving me the way I've loved my crushes before. And doing so sincerely. Not because I keep complaining, but because they genuinely love me for me.

-m.b

Jul 2017 Lauren

Untitled

Jul 2017 Lauren

NV

Untitled

i did the best i could,
for who i was,
at the time.

something somebody said during an episode of MTV cribs.

ironic how much it just hit home.

Jul 2017 Lauren

msg delivered

Jul 2017 Lauren

NV

msg delivered

01:52 am
have you ever asked yourself like why you so lonely?*

01:53 am
or empty?

that maybe you give too much of your essence to people and never leave any of you for yourself

01:55 am
i know i do

02:05 am
and like that's maybe why i get so attached to humans

because in them,
i find myself

02:07 am
i need to change, because things shouldn't be this way

02:10 am
but it's hard sometimes you know, when most days you don't leave the house because you feel unworthy of the space you take up

02:16 am
so you'd much rather disintegrate into soil because you've become all too familiar with people stepping over you and admiring the outcome of your beauty but never the roots of your pain

02:19 am
i spend so much effort watering people in order for them to grow and hardly get enough sun shine to feed my own soul

02:25 am*
because i don't know how to do anything else but care for everyone but myself

Jul 2017 Lauren

playground visits

Jul 2017 Lauren

NV

playground visits

i sometimes wonder why you still visit my mood swings,
left in abandoned playgrounds between my chest.
why you still visit even though the slides may only carry you down to somebody like me.
somebody difficult to love,
somebody who cannot tell the difference between crying and laughing anymore.
why you haven't left this soul,
who's bones can't seem to find enough strength to push my side of the sea saw,
who can't seem to move past three poles on the monkey bar,
simply because of the weight on top of my shoulders.
this flesh of complete brokeness that couldn't bare ringa ring rosie,
because at some point one gets tired of always falling.
i often wonder, why me.
why me, with all my chipped paint and countless dents.
why you still visit,
when this isn't the grass on other side that's greener.
because God knows,
i'd understand if you look for a park elsewhere.
a park worthy of you.

Jul 2017 Lauren

dead reversal

Jul 2017 Lauren

NV

dead reversal

SHE HAD HEARD TOO MANY TIMES

OF HOW SHE SHOULD LIVE IN THE

MOMENT.

WHEN IN FACT,

NOBODY COULD TAKE ENOUGH STEPS

BACK TO SEE THAT SHE WAS DEAD

INSIDE.

Jul 2017 Lauren

baggage

Jul 2017 Lauren

NV

baggage

and i have never really understood why i hate luggage.
why i barely own handbags,
and would much rather fit the necessities in my purse.
why school didn't seem so bad if i had less books on my back.

i had never really understood why i hated so much baggage.

until i realised that it was because i already had all of me,
to carry.

Jul 2017 Lauren

(sinner apologies)

Jul 2017 Lauren

NV

(sinner apologies)

i know only how to wear this body like an apology.
like i'm sorry i take up too much space.
like i'm sorry,
i don't feel small enough to fit into your hands.
i wear it like a sin.
like a prayer that never feels answered.
like confessions i keep trying to change.
i wear it like a broken commandment,
because i love thy neighbour,
but i hate myself.

Jul 2017 Lauren

She who shall not be named

Jul 2017 Lauren

Tshili698

She who shall not be named

Your name sounds like a hurricane in my chest, exits my lips like debris from a storm that ravaged the land of my memory.
It sounds like the culmination of pain, like the breaking of the earth, like the ground swallowing my joy, like the sun fell from the sky and burnt my peace to a crisp, like a tsunami drowning the remnants of my hope, it chokes and gropes at my serendipity.
Your name sounds like dying light, like the stars being ripped from the sky, like a moon that will never see the sun rise and a sun that will never see the moon smile.
Your name sounds like the saddest story ever told, like living your whole life alone, like your body not wanting itself, like a child that will never be loved.
It sounds like a weeping man, like everything he ever loved being taken from him.
It sounds like armageddon in my soul, like my spirit being shattered by the quakes of your hate, like the butterflies in my stomach taking their last flutters, like the day the earth will stand still...like the end of everything I will ever know.
Your name sounds like the birth of death. So you'll have to forgive, for the fact that I keep it locked away in the abyss of my forgetfulness.
I still wanna see my tomorrow.

#brokenlosslovedpainherbridges