Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
 
sparklysnowflake May 2020
run
despite that the body of a poet is shaped like a question mark        

every poet has the answer to one question
            as if she were born with the words
                        already engraved into her forearms
                        crafted by an ineffable power
                                    – whether divinity or demon
                                    she does not know or particularly mind –

"why do you write?"

i guess
            my indecipherable forearms and
            the way that my fingers
                        then curl to match the curve of my spine
make me
            not a poet

just a fugitive
            running because it is the only thing i know how to do
            and because i wont survive the night if i dont
            
and yet
the further i go
and the more ive seen

the clearer it seems to me
            that everyone who writes
            is just running
sparklysnowflake Apr 2020
i started going to therapy when i
felt my legs buckling
under the weight of my heart

when
i knew that
it had become so drenched and
dripping with guilt and longing that i
couldnt possibly carry it
anymore

even still
morning felt like
            sharp red stings
                        in the papery skin stretched over my
                        temples and eyelids
            and tasted like salt and secrets in a thick paste
                        on my lips and tongue

even still
day always left me with
            imprints of bathroom floor tiles
                        on my throbbing forehead
            stains from your raspberry laughter
                        in my ears
            and fresh wounds from your dagger eyes
                        penetrated deep into the concave surface of my sternum
                        i couldnt help it that my scars were in cursive
                        and read like poetry

even still
at night
            i cried because my head wouldnt forget
                        those dream-colored moments with you
            i cried because every day your eyes told me that you had
            i cried because your laughter tasted like you never knew
            i cried because my heart swelled heavier every day
                        and my arms
were getting tired

i stopped going to therapy when
in my white dress and
            t-bar high heels you said you liked that one time
i drove myself home
            after graduation

when
with a straight face and dry eyes
i knew id never see you again
and my heart
would never need
any more carrying
AU
sparklysnowflake Apr 2020
I fell for you all late summer steam and dark humid rain,
            electrically charged fingertips and cursive smiles.
I didn’t even open my eyes in the deep to
            see and mourn what I had lost ...

The moment you balanced your feet next to mine on the curb and
            bowed your head
            to hear the absentminded showtune
                        on my breath like whiskey,
            whispering to me in my tapered silence that you
wanted to hear me sing,
            with earnest like opened peach halves so raw and sweet
            that my voice obeyed
                        before I had the chance to decide ...

The breath you took when I whipped around
            in my bus seat to offer you a pink polka-dotted grin,
and the delighted children we became in our anticipation,
            all crossed stars and side glances savored like chocolate truffles
                        too thick and syrupy to devour whole ...

I fell for you all sweaty foreheads and damp pavement,
            full palms and knotted stomachs –
I always knew that my concavity had a counterpart.

But then the ache in my lungs when,
            with bellies full of Dippin Dots and funnelcake,
            retinas imprinted with neon orange lights,
            throats scratchy from belting and laughing,
            your hand burning my thigh in the dark and
            my head on your shoulder,
you rested your head
            on mine
            too,
            hard and heavy,
                        straining my neck, and

girls are told that they will be
            held and carried,
but love is not gilded or glittered,
            not a pedestal or throne,
            not a carnival or sweaty palms,
            not plastic smiles or chocolate truffles,
            not whiskey or shared melodies sung quietly in the rain.

I fell in love with you that night,
            nothing but hard, heavy heads on bony, tired shoulders.
sparklysnowflake Mar 2020
i woke up this morning
to an “I LOVE YOU”
text in all caps
sent at 2:29am

no “for...” or
“when...” or
“because...”

unwarranted
but unequivocal

in my foggy morning headspace i
searched through the events of yesterday
looking for things i might have done that you’re thanking me for—
i didn’t hold you while you cried or
feel your burning forehead or
fold your laundry—
there must be something i did recently
to prompt your adamant and abrupt declaration or
confession

an immediate reason
for loving me
because surely there must be
a reason or

you must have texted the wrong number
and this was meant for someone else
someone more
deserving
someone who does not have to work to warrant love—
especially the kind
that explodes like a firework out of the soul at 2:29 in the morning or

maybe you were drunk
you must have been
you love everyone when you’re wasted
i hope you were because

i can’t take your love if it isn’t conditional
that would mean that i
well that i’m good enough
and that everything i’ve suffered to
paint worth onto my teeth and tongue
never worked or ever meant anything
Is this... a *happy* poem???
sparklysnowflake Feb 2020
i guess my question is
what makes people move?
            what thought
            what spark
            what breath
                        in what language
straightens the bones in their knees and tightens the tendons in their legs like
            strings in wooden puppets
up
            down
up
            down
push
            ­off
lift
            up
step
down

how

do they decide
            where to go?
how
do they know
            it is right?
is it
what they are told?

do they ever make
decisions that are their own?

            i think if
that were true


no one would ever move


all paralyzed
            stuck
            in the pitch on the stairs

calculating
            visualizing
                     ­   optimizing
            philosophizing
ourselves

in circles
            in spirals
                        like drills
                        into the cold wet ground
"... I meant questions about the exam"

just something I found buried in my notes app
sparklysnowflake Feb 2020
and she came home from the sea
thinking about the balance of things

the way the palms of her feet
left mountains in the sand

and the way the sun hung
–unmoved by wind or waves–
suspended
in the sky
or sea

thinking about
the things she
heard
or spoke

gifted
or stole

forgave
or burned

and the fragile little life she acquired
somewhere
along the line

not even potent enough
for the sea to notice

nor long enough
to change its mind

the way she exists only
in the space between things

at the mercy of
everything

and reigning lord of
none
took a walk by the water today
Next page