My heart broke
When you told me with a smile
How he hurt you
In the most intimate way
Without you even realizing
It wasn't right

I'm getting back out there
Talking to a girl
It's going fine
But I don't know about my heart
I've come to conclusions
To help me move on
But when I read a poem
That's about stars
And beauty
And complication
And love
It's about you
It's always about you

I'd write a sad poem
About how you moved on,
I didn't,
And how I miss you

But I'm too tired
From getting high
To keep you off my mind

Want to pass notes on my phone
Like we're in grade school?
Might be more fun
Than reading the safety guide
For this airplane
Plus, if the plane goes down
We're ****** anyway

Train of thought
My go-to writing style
I tell you what's in my head
You tell me how bored you are
As this plane ascends
To thirty thousand feet
(Or something like that)
I think about how
I'm not sure I'd really care
If the thing went down
I mean if it really happened
I'm sure I'd freak out
That's what humans do
But the idea of it alone
Not a big deal
No more worrying
No more wondering
Right?
Well, maybe not
Maybe what lies beyond
Is worse than what's here
Or maybe it's nothing
But I sure hope not
See? I'm worrying again.
And this is barely poetry
If at all
But you're reading it,
I assume,
For a glimpse into my head,
Heart,
Or soul
So I wonder,
Reader Unknown,
What is it you're looking for?

Don't put your heart through a filter
On its way to the page
Don't pump it up with violence
Unless violence lives inside
I don't need a disconnected intellectual discourse
I won't read your descriptions
If I can barely understand them
Just
Use your voice
Your own voice
So I can see who you are
So I can love you as you are
Without guessing
Who's behind your words
Is that so scary?

Today, on my birthday

My dad texts me
Something loving
About the day I was born
And I think to myself
I never really considered that
As an actual experience of his
Until I was on mushrooms
Watching a movie
A couple weeks ago
I wonder what that was like
He must really love me

I have KFC buffet lunch
With my friend's family
They have more casual
Conversation than mine
More fun, more enjoyable
I don't really know
What to do about that
But it makes me sad
And I like this family
Even though it's not perfect

I say goodbye to my friend
He's my brother
We have the same birthday
Being around his kids was nice
Though it was just a few minutes
They are carefree
Even though there's **** in their lives
He gives me a good hug
Something I've missed
And will miss again
I wish we lived in the same city

I get on a plane
I hope to sit next to the perfect girl
It wouldn't matter anyway
Since I'm too angry and hurt
I'm seated next to a guy
With slightly bad breath
I put on some music
And work on a poem
**** it all
I'm not ready, am I

I wonder who she will be
If she's anyone at all
I'm severely pessimistic
At 30 years old
About finding that connection
About healing to where I'm ready
It's not like I have forever
A late bloomer in life
Except for that marriage thing
That didn't work out

On my birthday
Am I supposed to think
About this kind of stuff?
Everyone would say no
But maybe
There's no better time
Why do birthdays have to be happy anyway?
It might not be the happiest
But I'm making it one to remember