Go walk in the grass barefoot
Drink green tea
Read lovely poems
Wear bright colours
Laugh at silly things
Play with little animals
Buy flowers
Don't fix your hair
Listen to music with good vibes
Make art
Bake
Love

For today,
just do whatever it takes to make yourself happy
because I love you
regardless of whether you're happy or sad
but my god
when you're happy
**you take my breath away.

I choose you.
You and your stupid mood swings
your ridiculous hair
your awkward smile.

I choose you.
You and your crumpled shirts
your genuine laugh
your twinkling eyes.

I  choose you.
You and your smug face
your long fingers
your bruised knees.

I choose you.
You and your strange mind
your lame jokes
your uncanny ability to **** me off.

I choose you.
I have always chosen you.
I will always choose you.
Nothing will ever change that.
You will always be my choice.
*Even when I am not yours anymore.

I told you it was him.
I went to ****** therapy.

I told you it was school.
You let me leave.

But what I never said was that it was dad.
And the way he drinks too much.

And I never said it was you.
And me worrying about your illness.

But it's this house.
That's what drives me insane.

Because him without a bottle
And you and your broken brain..

It just doesn't work.

So I have to pretend I'm better.
Pretend I don't hurt anymore.

Because blaming him and school

Was so much easier than blaming dad and you...

As we lie dying
the little death,
pull me close
beneath your chin
and hold me tight.
Breathe me in,
feel my heat,
wear me warm
like a well worn blanket.
I will weave you a dream
of dyed wool, desert moons
and a Paiute wind.
I'll dream us through
this long night.
Wrap yourself in me
and rest easy.
Breathe me in,
sleep in me, wear me
like you need to.
And when you awake
I'll still be here
like the desert moon
in a Paiute wind.

r 7/15/14