I need to remember,
what mama said,
to live peacefully,
A cold peaceful breeze,
as good as I have the fan relieve.
I'll keep it on me, blowing,
As I continue to breathe.

I won't shiver under sheets.

I rather be:
a placid, clear lake
or a mountain
touching the earth & sky;

Fluid & deep
or Seeing far & wide
all around,
further
than the eye ...

I see you
I see you sat
Cuddled up in your sleeping bag
I see you
My heart feels your sadness
Your loneliness

I hear you
I am here for you
Your not alone
Believe in me

Open your eyes
Give me your hand
Let’s find you somewhere
Warm and safe
Away from this space

A warm drink
And a meal
Someone to talk to
To trust

Hello I’m hear
Do not fear

Not a rock
carved smooth ovate
immutable in ossified intent

but an egg
quiescent peacock hues
hatching in YOUR imagination

I'm ok
A practiced lie
A mask that slips
On and off all the time
I wonder when
Someone will be
able to crack
The smile I plaster
every time
Through jokes
And laughter
I conceal the pain
But truth slips
Through
tiny cracks
That hold no light
Leaving me to
Drown in my own sea of sorrow
But Maybe one day
I'll spill it all
But for now
I'm just here
With hidden hurt
But no one to tell

I wish i could explain myself
Fully explain myself...
Stop delivering pain to myself
Be deliberate, and save myself
Instead of filling out the page by myself
Speak in full sentence to you by myself
I'm tired of being lame by myself
Not interested in fame by myself
So the emotions on the page are for myself
I wish i could give them to you myself
Explain why i need all of you to myself
I sorta need saving from myself
And you know what else...
I'm getting used to it being me and myself.

Flash cards
Headaches
Studying for hours
Trying so hard
Just to be heard

Trying to make friends
Trying to be social
So difficult when your not normal
The things you have to tell yourself
To keep yourself together
"It's okay
Your okay
Everything's okay"
All lies

Concerned looks from your mother
As you say that yes, today was the same
You can tell she's trying not to cry
Guilty

Procrastination
Lack of motivation
Working so hard for this presentation
And for everything else
Even when it all gets deleted in my head immediately after

The crowded hallways
You can barely squeeze your way through
They're so loud
And full of people
Most yelling
Some banging on lockers
Jammed
Like my head

Painted spirals on the wall
Not as real as mine

What must it be like? To be
⋆｡°✩ A STAR ⋆｡°✩
Seated in the midst of excellence,
Beyond the every day's sub-par.
Shining.
Big, Bold, bright and golden.
I want to be one.

The subject of jealous eyes and deep desires.
⋆｡°✩⋆ A STAR ｡°✩
held high in sky and sparkling fires.
To live in richness and drenched in luxury,
The realisation of all the admiration,
a being of sheer fascination.
Born all adored and golden.
Shining light near and far.
One day. I want to be. I will be.  
                    ⋆｡°✩ THE STAR ⋆｡°✩

The noise
Overwhelming
The mind
Racing
The anxiety
Coursing
The calm
Sinking
The food
Inedible
The people
Loud
The loneliness
Skyrocketing

Cafeteria