i am a hopeless romantic
with suicidal antics
that cant seem to love herself

she cant seem to nudge herself
out of depressive episodes
but she has expressive goals
to fall in love

to call on love
for several favors
and she has several wagers
that "this one will be 'the one'"
that what ever is done
can be undone
and that she will be okay
because one day love will fix it all

she is a pathetic romantic
with an optimistic aesthetic
and a manic
personality

My shell is so alive;
my eyes
still wonder
to what’s new.

But my mind
dimming.
Thoughts
silenced.

Inside the shell
myself is dying.
I’m already halfway there,
do I need permission
to cry?
to die?

I’m already grasping for air
even when there’s enough for us
to share.

It's been a while, I'm your age now.
The age you were when you left.
The world is a mess right now.
But for the first time, I'm not.

It would've been your birthday right now.
Everyone is still celebrating your existence.
Just sad you're not here right now.

I have a boy right now

He gives me the love I secretly wanted
even though I thought love didn’t exist
when we ended.  

It’s that first love
that hurts so much
that makes you miss being
stupid
but
in love.

The happiness
you brought
a little taste of that
please.

No proper goodbye;
no “see you later”  
no “text me when you get home”.
Just let me say goodbye
one last time.

A goodbye to the feeling of home
A goodbye to the feeling of love
A goodbye to the feeling of trust
A goodbye of the feeling of you.

thank god i can’t write good poetry
the best poetry comes from pain and hurt if you ask me
so although i can’t write like i used to
at least it means i’m doing alright