Remember the time we first met on that rooftop when our fingers danced around each other blurring the lines we knew we shouldn't cross but so badly wanted to
Remember the unbelievably adorable way you lost control of you words when I mentioned that you were young and you thought I meant too young for me
Remember the way you traced the words of my tattoo just to have a reason to touch me and the smirk you got when you realized my body tightened because of how nervous you made me
Remember the night you wrote the words "I love you" on my back as I fell asleep on that full sized mattress of yours and how you rewrote it and rewrote it until I half asleep rolled over to say it back
Remember the way we looked at each other during the first work party you ever took me to and how we shared whispers of love and *** while we fought the urge to sneak off to the bathroom together
Remember the first time that we laid awake on one of our many sleepless nights talking about my lost mother and your father and how we held each other so tight that our broken pieces felt whole again
I know that our future doesn't always seem as bright but I will fight for you and us until I don't have to anymore. But if my attempts fail and we crumble, remember all the things that held us together in the first place. Remember how fiercely I loved you and continue to love you. If your memory of me fades and I am no longer around to supply you with new ones please just read this and know that with you I don't feel as broken and with me you will always be loved.

You tied a knot around me to make sure I wouldn't wonder far away. All you needed was a three foot rope because neither of us could bare the thought of going any farther into the world without the other. Keeping near and dear was always your forte. Then one day without notice you brought home a new rope only it was six feet and a week later you brought home another one which was twelve. Slowly day by day we got farther and farther apart, but the distance the rope provided simply wasn't enough so you started running away while I was running thin from rope burn.

I lay fresh flowers along your crumbling gravestone wondering why you left me in the way you did. You opened up my eyes to so much of the world, so how I could I have been so blind to the pain you were feeling? You’re gone and I can no longer hold on to you so I lay crying in my bed clinging to the letter you left me. You said it wasn’t my fault and that I was the closest thing to a savior you ever believed in yet you’re not here so I guess I failed and was never as good as you believed me to be.
You killed yourself and yet its as if you took my breath away instead of your own because here I am four years later still trying to find a way to breath.

Don't get on the scale.
Do eat three meals a day.
Don't find yourself running to the bathroom to throw up the only thing you hate more than yourself.
Do get eight hours of sleep each night.
Don't purposely take too many sleeping pills on "accident" in order to fall into your silent slumber.
Do learn to look in the mirror.
Don't forget to remind yourself that the face looking back at you isn't the worst thing in the world.
Do learn to love yourself.
Don't let the world harden you.

Your words flow so sickeningly sweet from your lips to my ears full of subtle comfort of promises that will never be fulfilled. Of how you no longer get goosebumps every time you hear her angelic voice begin to sing a song that once belonged to the two of you. Or how you no longer crave cigarettes simply because they remind you of the taste her lips had provided. Yet, I remember the first time I saw you light up that black and mild of yours knowing that it wasn't the only thing you were addicted to. That behind your want to light up there was an underlining want for her.  But how could I blame you for being in love with the constellations in the sky after creating your own out of the freckles on her body? How could I blame you for wanting to stay in heaven after experiencing an angel?