correct me if i'm wrong
but i don't believe a book exists telling us that
fat isn't beautiful
or that women should shave every surface of their body that grows hair until it shines like a new coin

i cannot recall seeing a rule that says that
men doing sports originally intended for the opposite *** makes them gay
or that if an individual wants to wear something tight or an item of clothing that doesn't cover a lot of flesh then they sleep have to have slept with a lot of different partners and have a size 0 figure

do tell me if i'm misinformed
but i do not remember ever being told
that being different hurts people and it shouldn't happen
or that the things that separate us from the rest are flaws to be ashamed of

so what i don't understand is why we all act as if it's some kind of crime
to believe what we want
to act how we'd like
to dress in the clothes we love
to be proud of who we are
because it's not
and it shouldn't
ever
be frowned upon to do what makes you happy and comfortable in your own skin

You'll hear from a lot of people, that recover is a road. A road filled with robbers, stealing your happiness, your innocence, your life. Then there are all the mines. Blowing up small issues making them bigger than they really are and exploding right next to you just so you can fall face first on another. And it's endless. Those robbers are relentless and those bombs are everlasting. They don't stop for anyone on a simple whim. Yet at the same time it doesn't last forever. The road does end like everything else in life, but what comes after may not be what is expected either. You may even feel more alone knowing your journey of recovery is finally over. Knowing that you were strong enough to recover, but the feeling of loneliness leaves no man. Loneliness is cruel mistress with bring nothing but self-pity and makes nothing more, but pain. Although the pain usually isn't physically visible, there is pain. The only way you can ever see this pain if you look deep into the victims eyes and realize that they're fake smile is nothing, but suffocating their soul and slowly eating them alive.
Loneliness only sticks around if you let it though. For example. When you're out with friends and having fun. For maybe even a second you don't feel that same loneliness you did before. You feel a moment of bliss wrapped in the arms of hope. But there are certain times where you can be filled in a room of your own heroes and stars and friends. And realize how alone you really are. And then it hits you. Depression.
Depression seem to be such a trend in our society, but in reality it's real. Depression eats you away with such force you feel useless. You begin to feel like you're whole being is drained. All those activities you used to love have no meaning. And all those friends you had just don't seem the same like they were before. Being depressed is more than just feeling useless though. That would be too easy. Depression can lead to an even bigger demon that is only awakened by yourself. It's like you're fighting yourself. A stronger, darker, more hurtful demon called Suicidal.
Suicidal is an evil soul who not only drains you of all activities you used to enjoy, but also fills your mind with even poisonous thoughts. Thoughts that give you no hope for a future or today. The moment you're living in right now means nothing to you, because suicidal ideas have filled with and voided them of hope. Suicidal thoughts give off these ideas that no one needs you around. Or no one wants you around and that the only way to stop these screaming voices to take your own life. The only way to quiet the demons are to steal your memories, friends, loved ones, everything. And flush it down the drain so that everything you have been through previously were almost pointless.
The end though. Back to the end. If you ever manage to defeat all the demons that learned to bring you down then you are truly a warrior. A tiger who earned their stripes. An inspiration. Let the cycle may always start again. So for all of you. The ones in the cycle. The ones just getting out. The ones who give into the cycle. The ones who have been clean forever resisting the vicious cycle. Or even the ones who have no idea where the hell you are into this mix. Know that I love you that you're here. I know you're here, because who else would be reading this. Exactly. I love you no matter who you are and no matter what you have or are doing right now. You're simply a beautiful human trying to make it in this atmosphere.

So I guess it's true.
Everything is true.
You don't ever stop loving the first person you fell in love with.
You just deal with not having them in your life.
You learn new ways to go throughout your day.
You reconstruct your life.
It's almost as if you're building an entirely new life.
You no longer have to take another person into consideration when making plans.
And as freeing as that may be to some, to others it's as painful as being stabbed with a knife.
It's as if a part of you is empty.
The nights are suddenly longer and lonelier when you don't have the sound of his heartbeat lulling you to sleep.
The days are lonely too.
No sweet texts to brighten your day and make you smile.
No more daydreaming in class and drawing his name in hearts all over your notebook.
Losing your first love causes you to have to reconstruct routines.
It causes you to always wonder what more could have been.
But most of all, it reminds you that nothing last forever... And there is nothing we can do about it.

And so starts another day.
Here we go again.
The bullying, the abuse, the lies that never end.
Fighting my demons as I walk around.
So many people stomping me to the ground.
Here goes another day of trying to stay strong.
Fighting back tears, making the most of things that will go wrong.
Here goes another day forcing a smile.
Fighting my demons I've been fighting for a while