To end it all, to end your life
for there's no point, beyond the strife.
Ended by bullet or blade or rope
for there is nothing to give you hope.

All that seems good, it's a pack of lies
well...except perhaps her gorgeous eyes,
her perfect laugh, her cute wee smile
and those things you forgot for a while

So don't you do it, don't end your life
just see the good, beyond your strife.

Here we go again
Same person different day
Different person, same mistakes
Still, Feelings remain the same
When we finally decide to open up our wounded heart
Go for it and risk it all
Erase previous regrets and start again
Offer ourselves as slaves to strain
A door sewed with pearls
Appears to our thrilled eyes
A carpet tainted red
Unfolds itself in the heavenly clouds
Lifting us to the cosmic space
Previously visited when our hearts set sail
Blinded with love, both traveled away
But yet again you seem to act childish
Not caring about what i feel, acting selfish
Is it me who misread all the signs
Or is it you that's turned upside down?
There's always something missing, something going wrong
When you love them from deep within
They shut their door in your pleading face
When your friendship is at its best
They surprise you with the feelings long-hidden in their chest
It never seems to be the right moment
As if he's meant to be your opponent
So this is what it feels like to walk in my shoes
Let me know if you find a cure to these blues

Been a hermit not going out of my way at work
Been talking to girls but not consistant
Not trying to hear drama ppls sad stories and drama ruin my day
Ive been reading and writing feels like something is missing
Tired of being a victim of others frustrations
If I dont say anything others assume im mad
Sometimes iI take time for myself its overwhelming
Others tell me their struggle and i wish i could help sometimes i cant do anything
Awesome ppl consumed with emotions that are left from a previous relationship
Or not taking risks pursue the dream
It ***** to be going in another direction
Instead of being on the path youd like to be on
Its never too far it doesn't hurt to try

You should know that I complain.
A lot.
About the heat and the snow
and the ******* that cut me off on my way to the store.
I will complain. And whine.
Because no one ever listened before.

You should know that I might shy away from your fingers.
My self esteem has been smothered beyond resurrection
and I'll hide my face in the sunlight
and cower, blushing and shamed
when your hands show even the slightest hint of lust.

I hope you understand
that I will smile.
I will smile about the trees and the wind
and comment on the way tendrils of mist
wind through the valley
or how the colors of the pasture
are so vibrant in April.
And I will smile and sing to the windows.
You will listen, I hope.

You should know that sometimes,
when we creep along the highway in the evening
and a song comes on, dripping with sentiment
in the way the sun sets behind the mountains,
I will want you to be silent.
Hushed and still as the horizon.
I will need the radio up, the voices off,
I will need your fingers in mine.

I want you to know that I crave a listener.
An understand-er.
A know-er and do-er.
A lover.
I need silence and peace
and long drives into the dark.
I need whispers and songs
and summer breezes in the bedroom.
I need and want and lust and whine.


I'm selfish and sad
and I know you'll understand someday.
even if it takes a life-time.

If you don't think I care
I will have to explain the way I feel then. I only been in love once in my 19 years of living and it was heartbreaking and terrible. Ending with lonely nights and stained pillows. Stained red wrists and a hollow mind. Most of it was painful for me and not a happy love at all. It took a little to really think I loved him. Nearly 7 months until those words came out of my month.  Feelings and trust are hard for me because of that interesting cheating blue eyed boy. I think I knew I was falling out of love when I noticed you at first.  You were funny and different per say. I actually liked going into work 10 mins early just to try and say hi. I never knew that saying hi to someone could feel like getting shot and falling for 50 feet. I think the first time I actually felt something for you was when you came over and we talked for 10 mins.  Not anything specials but I wanted more. I think the last time he cheated on me the day after he was at my house and I gave him everything I had to stay with me was the day I turned away and stopped trying so hard. "You can't do that anymore. Move on. Don't keep running back to a ***** piece of crap that you don't deserve." I had to replay that over and over again. Enough to make me think I was better off trying with someone who I didn't even know then trying with someone who I knew more then anyone.  If letting go let me find happiness then I'm okay with knowing your not okay. I'm okay. I'm more then okay. I feel like I'm smiling more then I have in a year. I feel like I could be content with what I have with him for a pretty long time. I feel that I need to unbreak you into believing I really do love you. If I have to be strong for both of us then I will be. I wish I could push and hide everyone away that hurt you all these years to make you believe you are a amazing guy and that I'm lucky you left at the time you so I didn't have to search for you. I'm glad I heard you were leaving cause I would of never knew if I didn't take those guest service hours. Why would you think I would leave when I tried so hard to get you to notice me? I didn't make myself up on the days you were there just to look good for myself. Im not going anywhere and I really wish you would know that. I'm not some girl who takes what she thinks she can get and walk away. I'm not going to take your heart and run away with it. We both know how that feels and I wouldn't want anything to make you feel like that again. If you ever wanted to leave you can take me with you. Run from at all. Pack up and leave. I'll be fine with that. Don't think I don't know how you feel cause I'm just as broken as you may be. But two broken souls can always find a way to fix each other and become hole again. Maybe we could become one by fixing each other. Just believe me that I love you and that I'm sorry those one word answers sometimes annoy you or I don't seem interested enough as you are but I am. I don't look up at you when we are laying down just to look up. I don't hold you for as long as I can just to hold on to something. I don't write about someone at 2am unless they mean a lot to me. It's not easy to find someone who actually understand that sleeping is hard and maybe even understand that being alive is hard for most days. we seem to understand each other more then anyone I know. It's amazing to think that things I feel you may feel too or have felt. This is a good idea You and me are a good idea. Don't leave and I'll try my best to make you understand my feelings towards you. I know you won't leave and I need you to know I wont either. If I'm yours then you are mine. And I don't want that to change.