i grew a little tired of my own skin
i'd shed a layer once in a while
once again i am reborn
clean slate
a renewal with a promising start
without any blemishes or stains but a reckless heart
i stumbled upon a page
there it awaits, inviting
a journey that holds an ambiguous end

every inch of me doesn’t feel like me

every inch of me shifts

am i really who i think i am

vast and limitless I’d like to be

in this reality that I am
i am really not sure of who I am
i find it rather exhausting
because it's costing me time to unravel who i am
but that's the journey of a lifetime
being who you are, perceiving things as the person you are
i find it hard to live under my skin
it's something akin to asking a beetle to live in an anthole
entirely inadequate

hold on to me
i say don't let go
hold on to me
now take my hand, I ll pull you up
hold on to me
no don't slip away
it's too easy to lose you in the current
it wasn't easy finding you
it took me awhile
hold on to me please

no i must let go
let me go along with them
I must go
perhaps you ll find me someday
when you need me
but for now
I must go
till then my friend
I must go

I took a glance at the clock, I see that old beloved time
perhaps those numbers served as a reminder of how time was supposed to run by
now it's those same numbers that got me thinking
is it old time that makes us a dime

my vision hinders me
for I have no foresight
often I slip into my mind to roam
and keep out of sight
I would wish it away because
they all say it does more harm than good
I am never fully in the now
but I am here, very much present in the current moment
It remains an inherent part of me
though I wish it was as temporary as a second

I know that I m in a daze so I accept this unflinchingly
This is almost familiar
Once again, I approach it, unwavering
Without further ado, it begins
It feels quite habitual
I know I will not be overwhelmed nor threatened
I see it again and like how stories end
This has to end
I wish for this moment to be tangible
I would memorise and repeat it all over until it starts to dissipate
Maybe it would repeat for eternity in some place where dreams are kept

the words in my mind grew like uneven hair on my head
at different speeds they went
flighty and flimsy
mostly slow and newly
the words engraved on my heart
Cogito ergo sum
however, I wish that i am, I wish that I will be
the words that came from my mouth
may do no justice to those that formed in my mind

I wish i could extricate myself from this strange world
My standing does not hold an absolute meaning
I search for one to justify my presence
Only to realise that there is no permanent other
Because ideals would shift by day  
I have always hoped for a better day
Only to realise that there is no better day than today
I took words to heart
Only to realise that they would be lost in a fleeting moment
Seize the day they say
How am to I to brace myself for the unknown

Undesirable words spit poison
Half masks worn on disfigured parts
Covered yet exposed
Dark figure roaming behind the curtains
Instant detest for the meek
An insatiable hunger to outlive
Try configuring the twisted; pointless
As hollow as a decomposing apple
Striving to be as perfect as the golden ratio
Fatuous dialogues; spare me the agony
Inflicting pain unto others as it was done unto you
Perfect concuction of distaste and repulse
**** it with a spear; permeable you ll find

I collect happenings of each passing day
and stored them into separate sections of my archive
Sometimes, I attempted to take a file out from a particular section
I would often be greeted by a void or a message that says
"Your search did not match any documents"
Then it occurred to me that it no longer exists.

I kept chasing circles
I thought that I could dismantle and create edges out of them
I stopped
It never occurred to me that circles are meant to be circles

I dreamt of new beginnings, ones that have not begun

When i entered wonderland
I struggled to stay afloat
Asphyxiated
I believed that wild flowers grew on the crown of my head
Delirious
I felt that i was living
Inhale

It seems as though I have learnt to untie the knots
The knots that I have created
In silence
They unravel and flop
I left them out under the scorching sun
Let them dry and disappear
They will leave no mark
For they were never there from the start