I am a sand clock in this passing life;
With every fallen sand grain is a drop of my heart beat

My breaths cease with yours as your grain passes through my hourglass

Yes, we are made of dust ..
And your grains of sand make me whole ..
A galactic dusty soul I am ..  carrying a universe that in a way is finitely endless

We fight as we unawarely head towards that narrow neck of a death bed
Grain, we seep through and fall onto the deathly base of the hourglass
It's where time sits still, frozen, looking up onto other falling sand grains in the repetition movements of hatred, anger and destruct

And my soul fails to stay awake as my organs of dust fall away ...

A breath of me dies with you
A blink of my sight grows weaker
A tear from eyes drops heavily into a mud puddle of my endless cries ..

As each one of you fades .. so do I

My emotional compass is losing its gravitational pull ...

At times the direction dies still. At other times, it spins madly. 
I feel like I'm being crushed between two walls and drowned within thunder-clapping waves. Yet, on the surface of my ocean, the glass waters reflect a serene, tranquil light of the full moon hugging its night sky.   

I'm uncertain. I’m indecisive. I run away to the farthest, darkest corner of the forest. I also flee to the highest peaks and hide under sunlight. 

I'm not fearful of destruction. I'm fearful of being destructive. I tend to destruct myself by destructing the souls I cherish most. Nightmares of finding myself in abandoned emptiness haunt me. I fear being left, so I walk away. I fear being loved deeply, so I push them away. And this ... this is where I become destructive. 

I say I’m seeking peaceful stability, when truthfully...? My soul is gushing across the ends of the earth all at once. Maybe I find peace in the chaos. Maybe I just feed on chaos. 

I throw my soul into the deepest wells of love. I find myself abruptly climbing back to the surface, clawing my way up those walls. And just as I nearly reach the top, I intentionally let go of myself only to fall back in. The record breaks on replay. 

I gather myself, set the records straight then let them role into chaos once more. Once More replays itself endlessly through the space and time of my existence, and my life turns into a repetition of these "once more" chaotic events. Secret be told, I think I enjoy all of this. All so exciting and lively at that moment. Alas, dreadful at points of reality checks. Lifeless at the destination. 

So…? I gather myself and set the records straight again ...  once more ... once more, again ... and again ... 

Helpless. But wild. 
Wild. But easily tamed. 
Tamed. But cannot be owned. 

Gently handle my being. I'm too stubborn ... Even with my own self. Yet, I also feel ever so delicate and fragile. I can easily break at my own grip.

I’ll tell you how … 

It's all in the simplicities - which can also turn into complexities - found in the sun’s golden hour. Yellow rays against my skin. Illuminated dust particles dancing through my fingers. A warm whisper. That bold dive. Grab me by the extremes. 

Right now .. I think I’m coming up with a case of the blues. 
So, come … Dip me not in the rainbow, but in the *** of gold at the far end. 

Take me all the way ... The noise, it enchants me. 

Be still my heart, it’s him … Chaos.

I loved you as I gazed into the deep blue that fell onto the far off mountains of little islands with white shores

I loved you as I gazed into crystal waters .. And as vast as the seas would extend, I knew they would find you, they would reach you on the other end

I threw a rock into the ocean .. I blew wishes across the sea .. And with that one roaring wave, I knew, you've sent your love back to me

I loved you as I gazed into the reflections of blue sunny skies bestowing light upon blue droplets in oceanic waters that belonged to the vast, deep love I held for you

As I turned away, I heard the waters calling .. You were reaching into the distance of my soul .. I was tripping, stumbling and falling into the depths your caves behold

So, I promised myself to always remember ..

The far off mountains within crystal waters in which the rock I threw ..
The roaring wave to the wishes I've made across the shinning of blue ..
The longing calls gushing through echoing caves that have brought me to -
That time when I gazed across and beyond the blue waters ..

*Once, when I loved you

A rusted soul
Dissolving into dust
Seeping into the seabed
Washed away from shore

The lands no longer want me
The winds cannot sustain me no more

I'm sinking below right now
But in this drowning I will soar