I spend my days thinking and worrying of whats to come
When I told myself there was plenty of time,
but now that time is nearly gone.
The new responsibilities I have the things I need to do,
are all very new.
the future once was something I looked forward too
but now it is a daunting task waiting to be completed
my hope and patience has depleted.
My life has turned into a routine
I promised myself I wouldn't let happen
I don't live my days content just a little saddened.
How can I describe this numbness I feel
when I begin to question everything I knew for sure was
a passion and what was actual real.
Is this what has become of my life?
twisting and turning not being able to sleep at night.
the people who happily come and go as they please
leave me with nothing but bad, bitter memories.
How do I change the predicament I'm in?
Maybe tomorrow or maybe the next day wont be the same.

The not so quiet night.
Whilst I write to you
There’s snores coming from the next room.
There’s wind howling at my window begging to be let in.
There’s the tapping of the keys beneath my fingers
And this sort of silent buzz that tells me I should be asleep.

I miss a warm body laying next to mine.
My single bed has never felt so lonely.
I long to wake to you wrapped around me like a cocoon
tight enough for me to know that you are too scared to lose me.
Holding on because you don’t want to fall.
I want to wake to you as if I’m unraveling from my cocoon
A beautiful mess.
Hair sprawled out on the pillow because there’s no room
To on the bed.
I want to see that cheeky little smile.
That magical glint in your eye
That reassures me of what’s to happen next.

As emotion overthrew me
I'd never felt so alive.
even if that emotion was pure hatred that rested inside.
I ran until my legs and lungs give in.
I collapse on a bench and feel the burning pain that resides in my chest.
The cold winds hit me
but the tears warm my face.
I made a promise to myself that night
and till this day it remains.

Something is not right.
No something is very wrong.
I could once fall in love so easily like the rest
like I was falling in love for the first time over and over again.
But this has stopped.
I no longer trust.
nor believe I can love like that again.
I hate you for taking this away from me.
I never once truly believed in a future with anyone really
till you came along and changed me.
I believed every word you said
when you got on one knee and promised me a future
no the world.
how could I be so naive.
I keep shooting myself in the foot
and thinking of what ifs and what could of been.
If I had done something different.
So I can just stand here
but I cannot admire the view it is barricaded  
with thoughts of you.
I thought this aching pain would leave.
Would bleed from my soul until i was finally free.

To that girl thats sits alone eating lunch
can I join you?
To that girl that goes shopping in them old thrift stores
can I join you?
To that girl who wears them badges and will happily support and fight for her rights
can I join you?
To that girl who paints so beautifully
can I join you?
To that girl.
No to every girl who thinks they may be alone in this world.
Who gets too absorbed into their work not in hopes of awareness or awards.
Because thats the only way she knows how to feel anymore.
Because its the only way she knows how to survive.
Yet the only thing she thinks she is missing
that will drive her crazy
is that she has no one to share this world with.
For them to appreciate what you give to the world and how little you take.
For someone to love you and what you do.
As much as the passion
you share for that one thing
you cannot live without.

Everything you left
I kept.
Those letters you wrote
I kept.
Those clothes you left
I kept.
That look we shared before you left
I kept.
The things you said  
I kept.
That feeling you caused when I know this was the end
I kept.
That goodbye I never got
I kept.
The last time I saw you was on Skype
we both cried
I kept.
The love we had
I lost.