shyrill 7d

i wouldn't want to be the one to say goodbye,
the one who leaves hearts broken in each and every stride.
i wouldn't want to be the one who walks away,
for in almost every tale they are told as the villain.
i'd want to be the person who tried their best to stay,
though you never asked of me, patiently i did wait.
i'd want to be the one who would not let you go,
but if you'd do the opposite, i beg of you, let me know.

shyrill 7d

with the black shirt he wears
and the black cloth around his wrist
with all his pain and agony,
white lies through fake smiles
got me.

there's a game:
whoever feels the most loses.
we both knew the rules
he is an expert, i was new
and i thought i could learn.
i am losing.

every night he gets drunk
on his tears, on drinks,
in his despair, with alcoholics,
on lips that aren't mine,
and i tell myself i'm fine.

i can't feel for you, i tell them
the rules say it's forbidden,
but beneath the coy smile
and my own white lie,
i know i do.
and i'm losing.

hey you, i care
and you say the same of me as well.
but i mean my words with all my heart,
yours just run on the surface.

i'm not fine. i'm losing.
and i'm so tired of depriving
my heart to feel,
and the seams are tearing
from all the strings pulling.

hey you, if it means you keep your smile,
your laugh, and your warmth,
i'll hold your hand through all the lies
and believe i'm fine.

I wrote this back around a month ago. I'm over this feeling already but I just want to post it here. Same person from 'to the boy whose eyes disappear when he smiles'. We're good friends now
shyrill Dec 7

is a force of
between objects of
a certain distance
and the farther these
two objects are apart it is
much weaker;


this force between the two of us
no matter how far the distance
I find only to be
getting stronger  not proportional
to how far apart we are,
but proportional to the time I spend
knowing you’ll be there
even if you are not mine.

shyrill Dec 7

do you ever think about the small instances
where you’ve made choices
unknowingly, out of haste
and maybe if you haven’t,
things would have been very different?

if i have chosen to stay where i was
seated and crying for a broken bond,
would you have found me?
would you have stood up and looked at me
like you’ve been searching for a long time?

if your friends didn’t call for me
seated, dazed from an earlier kiss
would we have separated without even touching again
nor meeting each other’s eyes?

i can’t seem to recall your face, do you know?
it always leaves my mind.
if it’s the alcohol
or my heart building walls,
i wouldn’t want to know,
i wouldn’t want to break my heart another time.

until when will you hang around?
everyone leaves after a while
can we have some more fun
before you’re completely gone?

i am definitely not made for the modern culture of hook-ups
shyrill Dec 7

You hide the scars beneath your sleeves,
with a smile drawn between your lips,
“There is no pain here.”
“I am happy.”
How many lies have you uttered through close teeth?

There’s a mask that you wear,
a shield that you bear,
and when you walk you are unafraid
for fear has died with everything else,
“What’s a feeling?”
“There is nothing.”

The blood reminds you that you’re still alive,
The pain reminds you that you’re just alive,
And the only reason you’re still breathing
is you can’t bear to have that person crying.

Stay alive.
Stay alive.
Do your own words mean anything
to your already beaten mind?
“Remember you are loved,” you always say,
Are you aware that you are, as well?

All the scars,
All this pain,
All the bruises,
And all your tears,
Would you let me hold your hand through it?

I wrote this poem for a friend who's suffering from a multitude of mental health problems, and yet he still reminds everyone everyday to stay alive. this also was the first poem I've written after months of not writing anything, his own poems have inspired me to write.

— The End —