Day 1: I want to tear my skin off. My heart is beating so fast i can barley breathe. I feel so filthy.
Day 2: I can't believe this. I don't want to be here. Why did this happen? Why did I let this happen?
Day 5: I guess I drank too much and my friends were to drunk to stop me.
Day 10: I can't face my friends, I can't live my life.
Week 3: No one knows. He hasn't said a word.
Week 6: It happened again, I was sleeping and he did it again. Why did I stay the night? Why didn't I go straight home?
Week 7: He left and kissed me goodbye. I don't know how to feel.
Week 10: My life's out of control, I can't believe whats happening.
Month 5: My boyfriend knows. But not all details. Just thinking about it, makes me want to take a shower.
Month 8: I finally came clean to my friends. They're appalled. They hate him now. I still feel filthy. I can't get his smell off my body still.
Month 11: The anniversary is soon. What am I going to do?
Year 1: I haven't spoken to him in months. I haven't thought about it in days. I still feel as if hes on top of me, why can't I wash him away?

Its an uphill battle with myself and others. Some days I can't get out of bed or even feel like breathing.
But I try not to let him get to me. Because if he sees my weakness from what hes done,
He's won.

The breeze will take me away
On a Sunday morning
The sky is washed out
Into grey and white
Faint trace of smoke drifting through the window
Winged moths laying stiff on the sill
Sweet dreams of the night melt into the air
Along with the scents of your dark hair
With the days naked
The beams chilled
Lou Reed on the radio softly dies out
Into the dreamy background of a Sunday morning
I’m trying so desperately to get hold of it
Before the rain drops
And the night falls

28.8.2015

Truth is,
the truth is
always the right answer.

its bittersweet
but he's so rotten.
I just miss love.
The feeling
not the place and time.
Not HIM.
but just... the thought.
The feel.
at times
all the time..
wondering if I'll see you again
not knowing if I want to.
Just set me back
just pull me down.
into that HOLE.
Remember the one you dug?
When you ****** the whole trust thing
and ****** some one else.
It really ****** with my head
and ****** up my heart.
You keep saying how its sad..
that I cry every day

but I've come to terms with that
and it doesn't change a thing.

Going on gut alone
I bet you'd think
that you might keep me
just where you want me

but the gaps you left
blank in my mind
surely didn't go unnoticed
and clearly you didn't know this.

We're in a play
and I'm the poet
or the puppet
who didn't know it

and your the boy
who hung me by my strings
who tried to make a puppet dance
among other things,
the way fools do.