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Lilly Smith Oct 2021
I wish I had friends. I wish I had people that cared about me or maybe even loved me but I have no one. I live in a lonely world trapped within my thoughts. I’m trapped within my negativity, I try every day to be positive but it never works anymore. I wish I was good enough but I never will be enough, I’m tired of everything, I’m so emotionally drained from everything. I know I don’t seem depressed, but I am, I’m tired of everything and no one sees it, no one sees that I’m close to being gone forever because I don't care anymore. I’m not ok, I wish I could be, but life is too hard to want to continue, everything around me is crashing, everything around me is collapsing on me all of this stress all of this sadness is too much I can’t take it anymore, I don’t wanna be here anymore I want to leave this world. I’m in a world that doesn’t even want me here, no one saw the signs early enough, no one sees all the sadness I hold, all the sadness that I conceal with a smile, all the sadness I conceal with a fake laugh, they just don’t see, they just don’t understand no one understands. I wish people would hear all the thoughts I had, because maybe then they would understand why I am scared of my thoughts, why I am scared of my own self because I know what I’m capable of but others don’t and that’s what scares me the most. I try every day to smile through the pain, but lately, it's been getting harder to hide my sadness, I’m scared for the day when people will see what I have been hiding in the closet. I'm scared that soon the closet and all the things I have held from saying will all be exposed.
Lilly Smith Mar 2021
How do you keep a smile without it being fake?
How do you smile when the day is at waste?
How do you always seem happy in the toughest of times?
I wish I could be more like that.
But, I can’t because then I’d be more fake than I already am.

How do you always run fast, when my legs feel like quitting?
How are you growing when I’m staying the same?
Sometimes I believe I should say goodbye to the ground I stand on and say hello to the ground below, or should I stay trapped in between as I had nowhere to go.

We always tell people to love themselves, but then we can't even love ourselves, how is that?
Maybe we don't know, or is it just out of our human habits?
Lilly Smith Dec 2020
I'm just drowning every day hoping for someone to throw me the lifeline. I always wish that there could be people in my life that would actually care. This house is burning with fire as I continue to try to cry myself to sleep knowing that things aren't going to get better. I'm just suffering through the waves as it pulls me away from the shore. I guess the whole thing is that no one cares until your just dead. Until you have cut your wrists and bled your tears. Of course, there's going to be no one to save me in these tides, because no one really cares about my thoughts I have held and told, of course, no one has understood my references to what I say, of course, no one understands whenever I say, "I'm fine" those two words don't ever mean what those words mean they just hide different words to tell when you're hurting so badly. Just a simple hello can save a person's life, but no one can understand that because no one cares about how the little people feel because of everyone making them feel small in a world of tears and screams. "Haven't you hurt me enough?" In their heads, they would be saying of course not I'm going to hurt you even more just so you can be gone forever. Why hasn't no one realized that all of the things I say are deep and are my emotions of how I feel. But, of course, no one cares about the victims they just care about the attackers.
Lilly Smith Dec 2020
Does love just come and go?
Do the people that say they love us truly do?
Or are we just being lied to?
Is it us that has to love ourselves to feel love?
Or are we immune to the feeling when sadness takes over?
How do people be or feel happy?
Is this living or is this just dying slowly?
Does this feeling ever subside?
Or is it forever like an eternity of questions wondering when the answers are gonna get solved?
Is life an unsolvable puzzle, where the pieces got lost throughout the years?
Or is the puzzle people, where if we’re broken we lose pieces?
Will these questions ever get solved or will they be forgotten?
Are people just lost souls or are we just the forgotten ones?
Are we even okay or is life just broken?
Is our soul purpose lost with the ways how we used to feel?
I guess so we never know anything until we ask.
Lilly Smith Nov 2020
Am I still the shadow?
Am I still the ghost of your dreams?
Who am I?
Who was the shadow in my dreams?
Was it me or the thought of you?

Your shadow still follows me
It haunts me, the thought of you hurts
My heart remembers our love like it was yesterday
My head remembers the days when we were happy
Yet I’ve realized that the past won’t change
All I can say is, “I miss you.”

Your shadow haunts me, the past follows me
I still wanna say, “I love you,” but we are no more
Why couldn’t we make things work?
Did we drift in the seas away from each other?
Or did we just fall out of love?
What could I have done to keep you in my arms forever?

All I can say is, “I miss you,” but do you miss me?
I can’t get over the thought of you
No matter how much I’ve tried my thoughts just go back to you
You got over me with the blink of an eye
Do you still miss me, or have you already forgotten the love that we had?
Lilly Smith Sep 2020
I live in a world full of prying eyes, these windows have no blinds as I feel their eyes looking at my sleeping body. I hear their whistles, I hear their words.  I awoke when the glass shattered all over my carpet floor. I looked up into those eyes that were like a lion looking at his next ****. He walked closer to my bed and put rosy glasses over my eyes, my thoughts became foggy, my eyes turned to a blur, and all I could think of was him. How he was a nice guy, how I loved him, how he would never use me, how he loved me, and furthermore how no one could change my thoughts of him. Yes, all of those things became a reality, a reality I now wish to change because I was brainwashed. One night I was in an unsafe environment, where I was exposed to you. I said yes thinking you were sixteen but you were an adult, an adult who preyed on young insecure girls like me. After that night you took the rosy glasses of and what I knew was that you hurt me, you killed the part where I could fix myself, but now I'm broken. All I was to you was a porcelain doll that you could play with and once you were done you felt in pieces. You stole the pieces to my puzzle and now I'm unfixable, I'm broken to no point of return. I'm not the person I used to be, you killed me.

— The End —