I'm too ****** up can't fix me now
Not sure I would even know how
Probably wouldn't change if I could
Too bad to want to be good
Head strong and stuck in my ways
Natural born rebel...Can't do as they say
Too wrong trying to be right
Rather sleep in the woods any night
Then fall asleep in the presence of men
Shiesty disguised as your friends
I'm too ****** up and far to lost
Too much time passed; my blackened soul rots
Too ****** up to ever be found
No hope for my Gypsy won't slow down
They say I'll never settle in
I'm too ****** up; I've always been
Born and raised in old school ways
I miss how it was those days
I'm ****** up but so's the rest of this world
Not simple like when I was a little girl
So I'm okay with my ****** up self
Rather be me than anyone else
I am okay; Forgiven my sins
I am at peace with the life I've lived
A few regrets yet they taught me alot
Lucky to have the ones I've still got
Angels watched over me all my life
Sent as friends I met over time
Though their wings tattered and torn
Still Angels to this ****** up girl
To far gone to wanna go home-
This life the only life I know
I'm not right but I'm right enough
Can't fix me now; I like to be ****** up

I wish I could tell you this as I look into your eyes
But then you’d see these tears that fall and never really dries
I never have gotten over you, can’t say I ever will
My heart belongs to only you-but that’s not the way you feel
I know it’s been a long time since we were together
Seems like only yesterday our love would last forever
I hold a place inside my heart where one else could ever be
I locked my love for you inside– a door without a key
I hear you’re moving on wish that I was too
But I could never love again the way that I love you
I’d walk away from everything to be with you again
But why fight a losing battle when I know I cannot win
A battle in my heart that has become a war
I’d die and go to hell to be with you once more
I’d walk away from all I have to make this dream come true
I give up my life and my whole world if I did not have to give up you
My heart is always yours and there you will always be
I’ve locked my love for you inside- a door without a key

I ask for someone to hear my cry
Before I say I want to die
My love for you is something rare
I don't know if it's truth or dare
When i start to fall in love
You ask me what I'm thinking of
You don't understand how I feel
For you understand nothing real
Trust is what you want but you lie every day
Can't you see it's hurting me and love shouldn't feel this way
You say your faithful but is it true?
You lie to me and your friends too
You'd be the one to loose if I just let you be
No one will be there for you, not your friends or me
You always think you'll come out in the end holding all the darts
When really you'll be the last in line --- with the only broken heart

The lady and her outlaw, fell in love one day
The outlaw touched the lady in a very special way
He touched her ******* so gently
And kissed her lips so sweet
The Outlaw, tough and strong
Gently swept her off her feet
Although he is an outlaw, she loves him very much
He's serving time in prison, and she's longing for his touch
He's not a hardened criminal, she knows what's inside....
Of this rough, tough outlaw they've convicted and tried
They say their love won't make it
But they know not what the feel
For only in their hearts can they know their love is real
She waits for him to touch her...soon...again..
Someday...As only he can touch her in that very special way
____________________­_

You know I could never not love you
Though it may not always seem that way
A lot of it has to do with the hurtful things we say
  We do not always agree, many times our heads will ****
Because we are so much alike, our relationship gets in a rutt.
   I know I am right but you think that you are too.
Someone has to be wrong, usually that someone is you...
I have my opinion and my opinion I will voice.
I always tell you like it is, rather or not you listen is your choice
   You know I could never not love you - though I may not love the things you do--
Like piercing your tongue,  like getting a tattoo
   I know it is your body- a body now fully grown.
Your going to do the things you want and do them on your own.
Even if my heart breaks or I cry to myself inside,
Or if I just walk away; mainly because of my pride...
I DO respect who you are, the person you have become
I only hope you remember my words, not all but maybe some.
   Honesty,..you always got from me, maybe not the words you wanted to hear.
If you asked me a question, my answers I gave back to you were always sincere.
   I know we've had many issues and together this caused us to fight
Each needed to have the last word
Each needed to prove we were right
  Both of us are too much alike
Both act differently,  yet we are the same
We share the blood that runs through our veins, our love and our last name.
We've share many things throughout the years...
Hopes and dreams among the things- our wour wants, needs and fears.
  We've had so many good times and those times out way the bad
We've had a bond that was just between us; a daughter and her dad
  I hope some family values were somehow in steeled in you-
The love, trust and togetherness,  be sure GOD is in there too
  Honesty,  loyalty, understanding
Patience,  kindness,  not demanding
Sometimes you take, sometimes you give...
Find true happiness- you'll find how to live
   I'll always be here for you,  when your happy when your sad
If you just need to talk, you can always call your dad
  I miss my baby girl.. more now that your miles away
I miss just seeing you and hugging you everyday
Even though your not close to home, your close in our hearts
We are always thinking of you......
You'll always be my little girl and I need for you to know
I could NEVER EVER not love you.  
                                                                 By Sheila King
                                                                        7/7/17

Here I am, Guilty I'm found
Lexington, Oklahoma then prison bound
I am ready to do my time
Crazy thoughts fill up my mind
Wardens and orderlies walk the halls
Prisoners sit staring at four walls
Lights go out; hear no sound
Anytime now, I'm prison bound
Another place people get on your nerves
Another day; A prisoner serves
A DOC #, no longer a name
They don't care who you are, just the order you came
I'll serve my time day per day; cause of my charges, it works that way
Sitting in county awaiting hell - DOC hold, there is no bail
Commit the crime, they will hunt you down
You too my friend could be Prison bound
1825 days, 5 years to serve for my wrongful ways
I get no CAP, no good days served
But I do get what they feel I deserved
Time, that I do have and I have found
That time doesn't matter.... when your Prison bound

I'm sorry that I hated you
I'm sorry that you cried
I'm sorry that it was someone else
Whom which I had to confide
I'm sorry that I couldn't be there for you
I'm sorry that you were with some other girl
I'm sorry that you couldn't see --
That I could have been your whole world
I'm sorry that I hurt you
I'm sorry that you lied
I'm sorry that you didn't know
That I also cried
I'm sorry for the way I am
I'm sorry for always getting mad
I'm sorry for getting so jealous
And ruining the friendship that we had
I'm sorry you didn't want me then
I'm sorry it had to be her
I'm sorry you didn't love me
But I guess you weren't for sure
I'm sorry you went behind my back
Just to talk to one of my friends
I'm sorry that it got so bad
I'm sorry we thought it was the end
    At the time I was sorry I cared & sorry I tried so hard
I'm sorry it had to happen-
I'm sorry that both our hearts were  scarred-
I'm sorry I could not forgive you for so many things
I'm sorry you had to keep strong.....
But now I'm saying... "I forgive you"........
I'm sorry it took so long

Not sure if it’s worth it, not sure if we try…
Just how far we may get before we wonder why
Learn from past mistakes, lessons well taught
Memories always there; remind you what you’ve got
Can we be honest? Will there be any doubt?
Can we really try to work all past things out?
-Starting over, can start things over-
Like what ended once before
Starting over can start a new thing; and tell us if it’s sure
We can start out as friends, friends who try not to judge
Friends who need each other & will not hold a grudge
Help with each other in areas we may need adjusting
Open, honest, and truthful- we both need to be more trusting
Our past is in the past, over, said & done-
We’ve had some time apart, alone & having fun…
Question is are we ready…to start all over again?
Will there be to much already “undone” for us to understand?
Do we dare to try to pick up the things we lost, and stick around to see how it ends-
No matter what the cost?
Neither one quite sure the way we want it to be-
Can’t live without you- you can’t live without me
We know there must be changes that both of us must make
Chances and decisions, choices to take-
I feel at lost of words that express both doubt and hope
Pressure of what we cannot see & willingness to cope
Are we sure that’s what we want, or is it just a desire?
Can’t stand the flame of someone else setting your heart on fire-
Still not knowing if we’ll make it- hoping neither of us fake it
Starting over, a new beginning- either we’ll be losing or winning
Just do our best through each trial and test; talk things over as a friend–
I think we can do it and both get through it, and keep starting over from being the end

Anger, Fear, Pain, Shock
    I could have felt all those and more, but instead, I felt nothing
That void is far worse.  All other emotions around me showed the presence of his heart.
But I was almost not there at all.... I wanted to feel.
I hated the guilt at the lack of my reaction as much as I hated what happened to us.
-Only my isolated broken heart could not attest to my surroundings.
The thought of him made it hard to breath. I wish I could cry... but I can't break down my mental blockage; soon, I'm crying,- but not me,  for him
  I touched his picture with my trembling fingers.   My tears frozen in my
eyes & I suddenly could not cry.  I feel something I cannot express.
No words exist to explain the way I feel.-- It's a stark and chilling reality
that struck me there.   Only holding on to his memory and my mind simply
stops............
Have you ever wondered what It'd be like to go to Hell?
Hell is beyond the realm of tears. This is why I can no longer cry for him
--Maybe I meant to hurt him. Maybe the fact that he always THOUGHT
I'd leave him for someone else, got through to me.  My then comforted, faithful heart ,- turned on him... on myself.
Now I'm left all alone with this isolated, uninterupted heart.  Something
I'll never again be able to understand.  Love is something I never want
to fall into again.
Nothing about the end made it worthwhile.  I HATE myself for what I did to
him- but at the same time, I feel the exact same thing towards him.
   ---- I broke his heart.......I broke my own

God created all things, but he took special care in crafting
the rose..... and you.
     The color of a rose is deep red like the depths of my love for you.
Soft, like the pedals,  are your lips and your embrace.
They say every rose has it's thorns & blood from the finger, if
grasped
wrong,  will bleed-  a deep red... Only my heart bleeds for you and
your love
You have shown me how to handle love gently as if it were a
Rose...
No longer a seed; for it has bloomed into something beautiful-
Unlike the rose,  our love will never die--
Even though it is one of God's most beautiful creations,-
You, my love,  have created something just as beautiful as a rose...
  By giving me your love...

I once was an addict hooked on the dope

Thought I had to have it in this world to cope

Smoking some *** every now and then, one led to another in a world of sin

Inhale it, shoot it,snort it up the nose;into the bloodstream and heart it goes

***, speed, ******* or crack with any kind of drug there's no turning back

It will take you to places you never been before get you addicted to keep wanting more

Hunted by junkies pushers and tricks mostly by users who need a quick fix

More valued than diamonds more precious than gold use them just once and you too will be sold

All kinds of people have fallen under the wings just look around to see results of the sting

Drugs are addicting to all those who use the very first time can lead to abuse

They will destroy your life and your families as well becoming an addict is the world headed for hell

It's hard to break free once you're addicted then it's too late when your tried and convicted

Charged with possession or with intent doesn't matter exactly the way that you went

Once you have been busted you've committed the crime you could end up like me had possession got time

Did not think it could happen especially to me; too high to accept the reality

Drawn up in a needle first mixed in a spoon, too late to get high got high too soon

Register the blood back through the vein -was in one hell of a mixture to feel no pain

Feel the flow it happens so fast the rush so good but too short to last

But look ahead on down the line addicted to drugs is the end that you'll find

You won't have money to pay the bills can't afford the rent got your high to feel the need now all the money is spent

The kids need shoes the kids need clothes don't have food to eat sold the food stamps for some dope to the dealer down the street

Step on it play with it whatever you want it to call no matter how good or bad you still must sell it all

Wheel it, deal it, sell and sling it, need the cash to recop

Barely get by barely get high, barely does the addiction stop

There is no life in doing drugs; I learned the reason that day

When they took my home, took my kids, took my freedom away

Prison has helped change my life to get my head on straight

I still have an outlook on life when I thought it was to late

There is still a future, now have freedom and life -

Still “mom” to my kids and still my husband’s wife

Being clean, keeping busy helps me cope, keeps my mind off doing dope

Today, I’m living life to the fullest, even with my prior conviction

I can say I’m happy today and clean from my drug addiction


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Promises that are made often end up broken
Many times there are words often left unspoken
When truth is not heard- lies become the words told
When you hear it more than once soon it all gets old
Make them all believe- and they believe in you
Capture their silence, until they also believe it's true
Lies keep getting even bigger; promises so easy to make
Is the promise true or did they lie to you?
Only you must decide which is fake
-Roses are given to a lover, with thorns, sharp when they stick
A sign there is no other; hurts if you touch too quick
Blood upon your finger- color is deep dark red--
Like a thorn in the heart, when love is torn apart
Stains, show how bad you have bled
Promises and hearts get broken, in time, love will fade
Whispers were once softly spoken, are now words of feeling betrade
Words can't exist without a meaning
Stories are either written or read
But you search for the truth, yet keep leaning
Till you fall back on the thoughts in your head
-Love, once was not so demanding
Relationships did not leave us confused
Two people together once standing
Feel like one, from  being so used
Heartaches, pain and sleepless nights
Someone gives, someone receives
Hopes, dreams, and promises-
Someone lies, someone believes
What happened to promised love?
Am I just a victim of?
Trust... is a must, still there is always doubt
Can you ever love again? How will you ever find out?

Even after all these years, you don't understand me; atleast that's how you make me feel
I keep things locked up inside, not showing at all what's real
I may tell you one thing but you don't remember or you forget
We end up in a huge fight, with both of us upset
The names you call, the way you tease, the tears you make me cry-
You always put the blame on me when all I did was try
-You tell me that you love me, yet, some things you say are mean
You always says that I am wrong with circumstances unforeseen
I try to tell my side of things but you always think I'm lying
In the end, you MUST be right so why do I keep trying?
Take a look and listen to the things you do and say
Those around you see and hear, but you seem to be miles away  
There are times I tell you things and you acknowledge that you heard
But if I later bring it up, you say I never mentioned a word
You hate for me to say anything cause you think I'm not on your side
But when you turn my words around, it's like I'm the one who lied
-In "your" world your always right; my opinion only matters to me
And as far as not being on your side, that's where I disagree....
I try to make  a point to you, only yours is clear-
The only words you understand, are those you want to hear
Why can't just one time you give me the benefit of the doubt?
Why can't we work together until it's all worked out?
You never give me any credit even when brought to your attention
But all you see is the fault of me and that's all you ever mention
I try to listen to you without butting in... I take what you thought was wrong
And try to make it right again
Disagreement over many things, my way, your way, or neither-
When I do, agree with you;  you do not notice that way either
Maybe the way one person talks, is not what the other one hears
But I don't understand why you don't understand me.......
Even after all these years

Right now i’m just a little boy with big blue wondering eyes-
I can see the things around me, but it’s a world in disguise
I am not able to talk yet,and alot, I do not understand
But I try to learn by watching daddy-
For I too, someday, will become a man
There are many things happening in my small mind
So I watch those around me for answers I need to find
Sometimes I turn to momma-no matter what she’s always there
I can count on her for anything and the love she has to share
No matter what the trouble is or what the problem may be
She has the answer to everything-that’s why God picked her just for me
Then I look up to my daddy; I reach and want to say:
“Walk carefully through life, Daddy, I’m right behind you-
Just a few years away…to follow in your footsteps and walk my own path someday
Being parents must be hard, especially when it’s time to let go-
But for now you can just step back..and watch me as I grow
To you, I’ll always be your son, a little boy with big blue wondering eyes
-Afraid to accept, that I am a man- In a little boy’s disguise

One red rose he placed next to her
He whispered I love you
The wetness from each pedal
Came from the morning dew
The ground was white with snow
That glistened from the Sun
Footsteps and footprints followed one by one
The drops falling down each cheek
From the tears that he cried
Reminded him the love that they shared
The times before she died
Her casket was a bit of grey with a small amount of silver lining
The Sun set off a glare and it shimmered from the shining
Her lips were softly colored
A shade of very light
She looked at peace while laid to rest
Before her casket was out of sight
Slowly she was lowered into the ground below
His voice was just a whimper-
Before his heart let go
He held the ring he once placed on her finger
When she agreed to be his wife
Never did they think of death
Or that cancer would end her life
He put one red rose up on her grave
Just like the one before
Then gently wiped away the tears
That he cried for her once more
How much he truly loved her
Up on her headstone shows
For followed by “My one true love”
Was also ….. one red rose

She never knew real happiness
Until you showed her how
Never really found true love
But I know she's found it now
Finally found a real man who doesn't take her every cent
Doesn't make her pay all the bills, buy groceries and pay rent
You managed to open her heart so she could let you in
You shared your secrets and desires with her and showed her love again
Buy her gifts and show you care with words from your heart
Gave a woman with little hope -- hope for a brand new start
I know that she's your Angel and to her your even more
You helped spread her wings and gave her things she never had before
-One being a happy marriage- the one she never had
The love you share and way you care, not once have I seen her sad
You say you love her- you give her trust
For those reasons, I know you must
I can tell by the way you treat her and all the things you do
Your heart is really there and all your love is too
That special time you walked into her life-..and over time, became your wife
You give her the world and nothing less
You took her From Hell..... to Happiness

Take what I am
Take all that I do
Hold me
Control me
Until I subdue
Until I'm no longer who I once was
Twist it
Bend it
Unconditional Love
Degrade the puppet I have become
Ruthless... bacause I am troublesome
Take all of my breath my heart and my soul
Make me what you need
Your in control
Now I am no longer what I once was
Blame me
Hate me
Unconditional love
Step back and enjoy the monster you made
Point your finger I am to blame
Do you still love the "me" I've become
Destroyed us completly
Unconditional love

Look what our lives have in store
Seems as if there's life, no more
Behind these bars all day I sit
No privacy to take a ****
I wonder what it's like outside
I long to take a Sunday ride
The flowers grow and the day gets hot
Can't see if there's rain or not
I wonder if it's cloudy or fair
I wonder if there's still life out there
-Behind these cement walls all day
I sit as the time passes away
Time is all you've got when your locked up in here
God is your closest friend, helps you face every fear
I wonder what life now has in store
Things are worse now than in my life before
Other people sit in this cold dark cell-
They wonder about these things as well
Being locked up makes it hard to get along
But when we live together so we must be strong
Even behind bars you need a friend- side by side until the end
Our life is hard, God knows we try; through many nights, tears we cry
Many of us will get out.... Someday
To never look back when we walk away

I watch you as I sit, all alone by the window
Looking at the hills across the long meadow
In your eyes you can see it; the great big wonderful land
A place that has never been touched by the human hand
Where wild creatures roam, where cactus and flowers are growing
Where the soil is rich and soft, clear waters are always flowing
It's a place where everyone belongs
Where everyone should be
Somewhere where the sun shines
A place for you and me
Somewhere birds sing a happy song
A place where nothing could ever go wrong
Everyone longs for a place such as this
You'll always be a part of it.... if only you wish

Staring eyes, hateful lies, words said in disgust
Hurtful, decieving, a little misleading,- no one I can trust
I thought I could, said I would; - always have a friend
Now i know, - true colors show; I'm alone until the end
- Time goes by oh so fast. Nothing for sure, or meant to last
Sometimes you'll want it, other times, ya won't
One day you have it, the next, ya don't....
- Lonely, lasting for a short while; along comes a friend to make you smile
Feeling great as things seem to be changing
Slowly but surely, my life is arrainging
Leading to what hope is good- doing right by all that should
Trying hard to see what lies ahead; taking chances by what somebody said
Can this be a friend or just an aquaintance?
Like all things, in time, it too will need maintence
- On my own or with helping hands, maybe a friend who understands
Either way, I have a choice,- advised by many but I hear one voice
Choosing, picking, having to decide; hoping our friendship will not collide
Falling down, get back on my feet;lean towards goals I want to meet
Day by day, one by one, friend after friend, until there is none
Getting older, always knowing, wiser, smarter, - keep on going
- Reaching where I want to be. Who, if anyone, walked with me?
Did they follow? Did I lead? Can this be just what I need?
Will I ever find that one friend?
- Someone whose always there, from beginning to the end....

This letter is to say "Farewell"
I loved you dearly but you caused me hell
Letting you go means loosing part of me, maybe it's my pride
For only you could calm my fears and fill emptiness inside
When my life, my love, and my family should mean so much more
It was you, my one true friend, so many times my only cure
You've been with me so many years; through broken hearts and many tears
All the lying, all the crying-- all the years I spent trying
But it's time to set you free
Even though letting you go
Means loosing a part of me
You played with my emotions
Anger, violence, and rage
I always felt trapped in an isolated cage
-- I'd awaken in the morning to say "Hello" to you again
Because after all, many times, you were my closest friend
I used you and abused you
Sought you and fought you
It's overwhelming to love something so wrong---
There will be no more fighting; this time I'm deciding
Saying Goodbye is what's keeping me strong
You'll always be a part of me
Only now your part of my past
Saying Goodbye... to "DRUGS" and not getting high
Means I'm finally Free At Last

Don't ever fall in love for love can't always be true

One day you’ll  be happy the next day you'll be blue

Love it is another word that only exists in my dreams

Love has no true meaning except in fairy tales it seems

Love can make you happy or sad it's really up to you

Love to love if you can before it breaks your heart into

Don't ever fall in love words that i truly say-

The true meaning of the last name love has gone from us to stay

Once upon a time”
The beginning of a tale
“It all began”, or “it started when”; are beginnings to use as well
“Happily ever after”; words meant to last
But the ending told my story- as I relive the past
“To love, honor, and cherish”- “have and hold, friends forever”
A vow between people, or an oath before God-commitment made together
“To whom it may concern”–all of those involved
“Please accept my apologies”; until matter is resolved
“Handle with care”, “do not tear, bend or fold”-
A heart is just as fragile and worth it’s weight in gold 
“Do not remove” what’s personal from you to anyone
For they may “use it against you” – “after all is said and done”
“Listen very carefully” to what others have to say
“Pay close attention,” to who’s around and what could get in your way
“Sorry to bother you”…. is what you did to me-
“Please to meet you” is how it use to be
“What seems to be the problem”–you ask?  Is it me or is it you? 
I “followed all the instructions” and tips and hints too….
But “one thing leads to another” but another is what you found
By asking “How can I help you?” or “be of service”… when I was not around
“In sickness and in health”- you treated me just the same
You “do not open” yourself up to me but want me to play your game.
“Do unto others as they do unto you”- “Forever, till the end of time”-
“That’s all Folks” — seems to do.
From cheating, and telling lies, to mental abuse
“Please forgive me,” – “Baby I love ya”…
“Please excuse me”  but there is no use–
Love is a “Special offer” so sometimes, you must “open other end”
Keep “this side up” and “do not break” that bond of being a friend
If you break the “valueable gift inside” of love, friendship, or lessons learned-
The memories posted of what was once free,
Will be paid by you, if returned
“All’s well, end’s well”…if not, Oh well–
But let me “thank you for your time”
Sincerly,– I was to you….when you were a friend of mine…

I'll love you more than you'll ever know. I swear, with all of my heart
You mean the world to me. I knew that from the start
Now we're growing apart from each other; Our lifestyles just aren't the same
I'd never had thought this would happen to us, but we have only ourselves to blame
I cry knowing your with someone else-- Because it isn't me
Everything I could give to you, Your just to blind to see
If we weren't meant to be together why do I feel this way?
I want to tell you how I feel so badly; I just don't know exactly what to say
Maybe that I love you more than words can explain and your the only one I am needing
But I'm sure you won't know it's you even though it's this that you are reading
Maybe I should accept that we were only friends and that's how it's suppose to be
The age difference is just to big of a deal... For you to be with me
I still see other guys even though I am thinking of you
I guess that's good for me cause I just don't know what to do
You'd never have guessed that I'm falling for you; Not in a million years
You'd never be able to see it...--Not behind all these tears

What happened finally happened
Yet it happens all to fast
Time flew by before our eyes
And now that time is here at last
  Seems like only yesterday--
But even today has come and gone
Followed by tomorrow as time continues on
  The past is through, each day is new
And time will start again; yet really just continues on
Cause time does not ever end
  Now it's a new beginning;
A chance for your own life to start
Lessons that you have learned -
You now will take to heart
Remembering... almost everything
Some things good and some are bad
Try not to forget what you were taught
Or the closeness we once had
  Growing up can mean growing apart
And that can be the hardest
But never giving up and trying your best
Will make you one of the smartest
Trying too  hard to prevail can set you up to fail;
Be cautious in all you do
Stop to think before you decide
Remember to think things through...
  You will gain knowledge once on your own
Choices are yours and yours alone
Each decision is fully yours to make
You decide what choice to take
Some may be wrong when others are right;
Don't get discourged, stand up and fight.....
Stand firm, hold your ground
Realizing that courage you found
  Mistakes will be made but that's how we learn
So you won't do it all over the next time it's your turn
Give advice but also take it,
If you take MY advice
Then I know you will make it
Yes, all grown up with your whole life ahead
Wish you were still my baby instead
But even as parents we have to let go
And it's harder on us than we let show..
Time for our Angels to spread their wings;
New found freedom and other great things
  I hope you know that you'll always be missed
I'll always be here if you ever need kissed
I am only a phone call away
And I'll be thinking of you everyday
Whenever you need someone to rely on
Or maybe just a shoulder to cry on
I'll be here praying God keeps you from danger
All the while praying you won't become a stranger......

            Sheila M King 01/02/08

I'm far from perfect
But I try so hard to be
I don't care what people think,
I do it all for me
I laugh too loud
I cry too much-
I sleep to long
I'm weak to his touch
I don't eat as much as I should;
I trip over my own two feet-
I spend to much money on clothes...
But I'm just being me
-I don't trust very easily;
I can't cook a single meal
I hate to clean my room
I can't always tell what's fake or real
I have my jealous rampages
I don't have perfect hair
I am a really good friend
You can count on me to always be there
I'm not sure if I want kids
I try to grow up to fast
I have a bad temper
Sometimes I hate my past
I miss those I love-
But can't be near every day
I bite my nails, talk too much
But I love me in every way
I do what I think is right...&
I'm trying the best that I can
I can't be who everyone wants me to be,
See,  I am who I am

I love her though I’ve sworn to never again love someone this way

I will always love her even if she’s only a short drive away

Being without her hurts me more than she knows

My tears are a river that endlessly flows

She tells me she loves me and I can’t help but smile

Finding her, makes past heartbreaks end seem worthwhile

I’d wage war on Hell just to look in her eyes

And nothing hurts more than to know that she cries

It’s her that I see in my mind through the day

I worry that someone will take her away

For her to be happy, I’d breath my last breath

The sight of her tears is far worse than my death

I’m so blessed to have her to love

She’s my Angel that God sent from above

She will forever remain in my heart

I feel her with me even when we’re apart

I thank God for her love when I wake up each day

I love her far more than any words can ever say…

The pain is never going to cease
My heart will just keep dying
I hate to think that you are with her
I can’t seem to stop crying
Now I am left all alone-
With all this isolated pain
And all the memories that we shared
Seem to still remain
This battle in love is never ending
I can’t get you off my mind
Like I’m trapped inside your heart
-The way out,  I cannot find
I can’t help that you don’t love me
That was your choice,   Not mine
You wanted her heart-
And my heart was declined
I can’t stand to see you with her
I want to feel your touch
For you to hold me in your arms
Your love would mean so much
But when you two go your seperate ways….
-You’ll think of how you lost me
I’ll already be over you-
But look what all it cost me

Everytime I fall in love, we end up saying goodbye
I know it had to bother you; I could see it in your eyes
Somehow you seemed different, as if you did not care
And other times, if I needed you - you were always there
-Don't try to deny it, cause love is not easy to hide
Just tell me that you love  me;  as a man, swallow your pride
But if you cannot tell me and you think we should both let go
All you have to do is say those words and how we'd end up, we'll never know
I will turn and walk away if you say you never cared for me
But I can see it in your eyes.... so don't give up so easily
All things happen for a reason but nothing can happen if we don't try
I would tell you what our future holds;  if I could see it in your eyes

Another year has come and gone

Just like friends' time moves on

Those remembered years ago

All have aged, as time moved slow

We look into the "looking glass"

And see an image as time moved fast

Though we know whose looking back

Still there seems to be a crack

It could just be a reflection,

A glitch in time of old direction

A part of who we use to be

The image looking back at me

Has time caught up or took it's toll?

Or is it still same 'ole same 'ole?

Am I who I use to be-

Though someone older looks back at me

" I wonder", staring into that glass

Has time really kicked my ***?

Is this who people really see

As I look at them, they look at me

-Yes,  we all still age and still time goes on forever-

It will not stop and it has never

We cannot travel back in time;

Only wish at times, it were frozen

We cannot change what time has done

Only see what it has chosen

Each time we look into the glass hanging somewhere on a wall

The reflection staring back at you may not be you at all

The image we see as we go about our day and catch a glimpse of ourselves as we pass-

Is not what time has made us inside, and cannot reflect who we are in a glass

I finally let you go as the presence
Fades from my grasp
The realm of everything hits me;
I know I won't be able to last
Secretly knowing I won't be here much longer
I'll just be a victim of your past
The depth of my soul has no boundries.
Soon I will be gone
Away from this world forever
Never knowing where I went wrong.
Why does everything hurt so bad?
Why can't I stop crying?
It's a cold-hearted mindless boy
Who can't seem to stop lying.
I can finally attest to my surroundings
Before,  I could barley breathe
Simply holding on to what I thought we had.
Waiting for my chance to leave
As I grab the knife,  I think of you
Then I put it to my arm.
Saying to myself,  "This is what
You did to me inside".  "But now
You can't do me any harm".
The blood flows down my wrist
As I start to feel weak.
" God,  Your the only one who can
Judge me now".
"Your forgiveness is what I seek".
I fall to the ground,  a puddle
Of blood beside me.
No pain in my heart anymore.
The past is finally behind me.

Things have really slowed way down. From dating, school, and running around
Working, sleeping, then home again-barley hang out with any friends
Being popular, being the best, being a leader, I’ve passed each test
Looking back now, I was going through a phase-
Just had to find my way through the maze.
Friends are still friends, just not as tight-the ones that are true are still alright
Growing up…alot of that I’ve done, dated boys and had my fun
Learned lessons, some harder than others. Made mistakes, made a few discovers
-Things got boring, school did too. Began GED to get me through
Working hours day after day; making money, putting some away
Striving hard to earn my wages- dealing with life and it’s many stages
Alone on weekends, & most week nights too-stay at home with nothing to do
Hoping that as time passes- & I finish my GED classes,-
Working harder at fulltime; saving every nickel and dime,
I’ll reach each goal I set, but if I don’t I won’t forget…..
-The sacrifices I have took, each harsh word or evil look
The smirks, the stares- words they say- Nothing I’ll allow to get in my way
I’m a fighter, I’ll give and take, remembering all and each mistake
The roads I’ve traveled and those I will…Which path I choose is out there still
-In time, I know I will decide; the road to take and path to guide
Decisions will be made by me, with no one else to disagree, 
Stir me wrong or lead me astray- the way I go will be my way
And time will come to leave the nest, decide on my own, for me what’s best
I’ll move out and soon move on…
Your little girl, now grown, has gone
-” Thank you” with all of my heart, Mom & Dad
For all the times together we had
Raising me, helping me grow, for telling me things you thought i should know
For being there, showing you care, and ALWAYS showing your love….
The little things you did for me, is what I’m speaking of
–Know I’ll always love you…&, that because of you-
I’m who I am today,- and the person that I will become….
Because you helped to “walk” me along the way-

She's desperatly fading
From reality's grasp
He never even knew
His kiss would be her last
She's to far gone
To even remember why
The reason to end up like this
Resulted from his lie
She's suffering; she's broken
She's torn at the seams
All that's left are memories-
And many broken dreams
His honesty was fake
But soon, she'll be free
Of all the lies he ever told
And all the lies she believed
-The knife is very sharp -
She grabs the blade once again
Ready for all the hurt to stop; and the pain to finally end
Her trembling body is shaking
As the blade cuts her wrists
She takes hold of his picture
And gives it one last kiss.....
"Because of you I'm dying", she screams
But I felt this way inside all along,
Remember you said you'd never hurt me?
Turns out that you were wrong".

On a dark cloudness night,
I peered into the sky
When suddenly I saw a shimmer of light
My heart could not deny.
I glared upon the surface
Of a love that couldn't last,
Then peirced inside a broken heart
With memories from the past.
It's gleaming streams of rays
Touched the teardrops falling down
And gently wiped away the hurt
From which my heart was bound
I shivered as my heart let go
Of dreams I had of you
And mended back my broken heart
That once was torn into.

ONE.... day we fell in love
TWO.... of us forever
THREE.. little words meant to last; Our
FOUR.... eyes coming together
FIVE.... months before we said "I Do"
SIX....  was the day in the month of June
SEVEN... months later a baby to be
EIGHT....more months seem like eternity
NINE.... often known as the month September...came
TEN....  tiny fingers and toes, I remember
ELEVEN.. stitches from where I was torn
TWELVE...the day of the month you were born

ONE.... was the hour; minutes of twenty four
TWO.... big blue eyes and so much more
THREE.. hard hours of labor
FOUR... shots to sedate
FIVE... big pushes
SIX.... pounds and an ounce was her weight

Deliverly went fine with nmothing going wrong,
A tiny little girl... only
18" inches long
19 years old; pregnant with you
20 years old by time you were due; pregnant again at
21....
22 months apart; our daughter and son

Years go by both kids keep growing
Teenagers now, and some adulthood is showing
Soon both kids will leave the nest...
Leaving both mom and dad to rest

ONE...  will leave- in
TWO...  more years
THREE.. will be left to dry our tears
FOUR... years from now, you'll both be gone

ONE... day just
TWO... will carry on

Everyday I stand by my door hoping and wishing I find
Someone to share my life with you would treat me more than kind
Whenever I find someone like this my love they did not want to share
I could not give them all my love if they did not really care
When it comes to love it seems like I'm always last
No love for me to share and memories haunt me from the past
There's no one left to care but I have so much love to give I can't forget about my past
Maybe someday I can mend this broken heart if only I weren't always last

Since you came into my life, many things have changed
My thoughts, my future, my daily life, have all been rearranged
The longer that I hold on to you, the more the feeling grows
You are every breath I take, each flower beneath my nose
Every drop of dew in the morning-
All the stars that shine at night
Each pedal of the rose God made
The sun he shines so bright
Every beat of my heart, all the thoughts of you
The love we share between us in everything we do
If I could shine like a diamond, for all the world to see-
They’d know how true my love shines through…
How much you mean to me
For the happiness you have given me-
Has made my heart stand still
I love you from the very depths of my inner soul,
And I always will……

I'm holding on to one love
To another, I'm letting go
So much temptation between them
Which is right is hard to know
But the one I want to hold onto
I can't get out of my heart
But our relationship was over before it had a start
He had a certain way; a look in his eyes
That made me believe his promises
And covered up his lies
I felt good inside when I thought his love was real
But how could he treat me the way he did
And leave me feeling the way I feel
I'm letting go of that old flame
That once in my heart burned bright
The choice just gets easier, I only hope I chose right
Whenever we made love, and he looked into my eyes
Whispered words into my ear that left me mystified
Letting go of something you love is so **** hard to do
But I can't hold on to what's not forever and I know will never be true
What breaking up really means, I may never understand
Another way to say "It's over" between a woman and man
Even though it hurts real bad, I must not let it show
Holding on to this love... and at the same time..letting go

Yesterday I heard God cry
As he watched a hungry baby die
And he slowly shook his head
At the sight of a soldier lying dead
Then I thought I saw him wince in pain
When he heard his son called a ***** name
As he looked down on them, he couldn't Believe
All the hurt, the pain, sorrow, and greif
Then he slowly laid down his head
And it seemed to the world that he was dead
But I knew as he watched he was looking in Shame
At a world that had only itself to blame
I looked through his eyes and saw the reason Why
When yesterday I heard God cry

I looked out through the window at you across the way
Thinking of our last words we shared, and how things ended that day
Who you and I once were, and all we use to do-
How things changed our relationship, which changed both me and you
Beyond both our reach; below it all,   the way we feel-
Above what is imaginable, towards something that is not real.
Even though we both looked hard for love........underneath,
throughout, between.... It lies beneath the surface
Somewhere inside that could not be seen.

Give and take,  correct mistakes, never show your greed
Let it out when your in doubt,  ask for what you need
Lend a hand… when you can, don’t walk off from a friend
Stay there and take it, try to make it- from start until the end
Don’t be afraid to ask,… it’s no big task,  say what’s on your mind
If they care, then they’ll be there and help you look for what you need to find
When your late, things can wait,  when early,  it means your one of the first– when all goes wrong, you must stay strong… or things could only get worse
Don’t let your gaurd down, where it can’t be found
Stand up for what you believe… never say never,  or rely on the weather
Thank God for all you receive
Leave before trouble starts,- step forward,  try not to fall back
Make a promise, do not break it- borrow something, never take it
Make up in areas you lack
Can’t forget what you’ll forever regret
Keep peace in all that you do
Never believe all that you hear
And only half of what you see may be true
Forgiving can be easy, forgetting is the hardest part
Remember the rules, be careful of fools–
They too, can break your heart
Try to remember what all I have said—
Though, it’s not easy to do
Believe in others, believe in God……
Most of all, believe in you

Somewhere there is always a broken heart, therein, lies an empty space
A heart once filled with joy and love, now there is no trace
What remains is all heartache, memories and pain
Love that is now gone, only saddness does remain
The pain of when you love someone who never did or no longer loves you-
Is love worth all the heartache we must suffer through?
When it's over for you and the one you love, is the love lost or destroyed?
Are all the memories made together just a reminder of love we once enjoyed?
We all can dream of love knowing not all dreams come true...
And wonder if it's worth the wait, if by chance they do.
Sometime ago, I promised myself to keep future love unspoken
But we all need to tell someone....sometime
Even if our hearts might get broken-
I had a desire to be loved and my desires did come true
My only dream ever fulfilled,- when I was loved by you.

I am smart but still learning
I wonder why this Worlds still turning
I hear people critize their friends
I see some still make it
Through thick and thin
I want to keep friendship flames burning
I am smart but still learning
I pretend to be happy when things bother me
I hear people spread rumors and wonder if that's what they see
I get into God's heart whenever I pray
I worry how long my parents
Are on Earth to stay
I cry for my Grandpa.  I'm still yearning
I am smart but still learning
I trust in God and know He's always there
I say if you know me, then you know how much I care
I dream of having a family someday
I hope soon God will be returning
I think that I will do just fine
I am smart but still learning