I wana close my eyes
& wake up next to you
I wana see your worst
that leads up to the best of you
I wana lay on your chest
& listen to your heart beat
Look up into your eyes
& tell you that it belongs to me
I wana please you
mentally, emotionally & physically
I wana make you smile
be your saving grace
kiss all over your face
& give you the best of me
I wana make you wana run home to me
& make love to me
because you love being alone with me
I want you to trust deep down in your core that I adore you
Do anything for you
I love you with all of me
I Would never do you any harm
You not being part of my world
means everything in life is wrong
I wana be your confidant
your best friend, lover & your wife
I want you to know that
where you belong is forever in my life.

.
Last night
she said I was cold.
Unreachable.
Surrounded in a halo of frost.
It burnt her fingers
as she dared to touch,
but there was little there.
Just … frost-bite,
and the sense
that she was alone in the room.
In body I was there,
but the Boat of Millions of Years
was sailing through my eyes
to the intended destination,
my lost mind.
She called to me
but I was to far to hear.
Down her soft cheeks
the tears did stream,
as she screamed my name
over and over.
She screamed until
the screams turned to sobs,
as the slow realisation
that I no longer knew her,
knew me, knew anything,
hit her like a wave of grief,
freezing her emotions dead.
Last night
she said I was cold.
And I was cold
because I knew that it was
our Last Night.

© Pagan Paul (16/02/20)

When I was small
I wrote a song.
It was as wild
As it was long.

I did not know
How to write words
And so I sang
With the morning birds.

Now I am grown,
I am depressed.
I write long things
Just to impress.

I do not sing,
I only sigh.
When I was small
I was alive.

Put your cigarette out on my soul.
If it keeps you safe,
It’ll keep me sane.
No matter the sensation
of nicotine flame
pressed to my heart
Selfishly.
I’ll love it if it means
I can love you as well.