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Nov 2016 · 683
Forever, After All
Shayda H Nov 2016
Forever, After All
Remember what you said to me?
You said you wanted to hurt me.
After the mistakes I've made
with endless apologies
and giving my all to you
unconditionally
You said you wanted to hurt me.

I see you miss the comfort of the pain.
I see you still don't know how to gain.
You wont refrain from dragging me down.
You want to keep me on the ground.
After all I've done for you
how else can I stay true.
You beat me inside all black and blue.
I wanna hide
and you still want to die.

Throw your dagger
fine.
Nothing I've said went through your head
Instead
you twist your words.
I live my life in a blur.
We wanna be dead.
Well
**** me
**** me.
I'm not alive anymore.

Every part of me is gone.
I'm so drained from turning you on.
There's no way I could have gone wrong.
If I cut the skin on my body
scars will show the pain you've caused me.
There's no other way than to be
a grieving soul to fill in the hole
that lies within your heat.  
After all I've done for you
how else can I stay true?
I am so black and blue
but I guess I'll try again next time.
There is no next time.
Continue reading...
May 2015 · 541
Label Free
Shayda H May 2015
Label Free
I refuse to say ' I hate'.
I refuse to live by hatred.
I refuse to live by labels!
Papers on the table,
nothing more than searching for a meaning.
Not so keen to define everything.
Keep going,
no matter what's in store.
Go, go, go.
(S.H.)
Continue reading...
Jan 2015 · 544
The Grind
Shayda H Jan 2015
The Grind
I'm a writer who just can't write.
They took my pen and gave me a sword.
I'm a fighter who just wont fight.
They have me under their control.
They took my music,
they took my mind.
I've got to find myself again.
I've got to get myself out of this grind!

(S.H.)
Continue reading...
Jan 2015 · 494
My Friend
Shayda H Jan 2015
My Friend
I came back the next day to tell you I wasn't upset.
All you could show me was your regret.
Don't forget that humans make mistakes as they find their way.
I just want to say
that you are still
my friend.
The message I now send you
is that
you are still
my friend!
I am lending you my hand.
Won't you tell me
that
I am still
your
friend?
(S.H.)
Continue reading...
Jun 2014 · 360
Live Through This
Shayda H Jun 2014
Live Through This
And I'll tell you this now, that I'm just trying to live and survive.
I don't want to die anymore, I just want to love myself for once.
I want to live, Live Through This.
No matter what I do to help people in the world, it seems as if it is never enough.
And all I do is keep giving, and giving.
But, am I living?
No!
I keep draining myself.
I can't help people when they don't help themselves.
That is all I ever seem to do, it is like I am glued to it.
I don't want to hurt myself anymore because there's no point in it.
I don't want to hit and beat myself up after one simple thing goes wrong.
I can't understand why people let their demonds destroy them.
If I did that then there would be no more me!
I want to be free.
I just want to love myself, survive and live, Live Through This!
(S.K.H.)
Continue reading...
Jun 2014 · 333
Beautiful Souls
Shayda H Jun 2014
Beautiful Souls
I've seen you everyday around the same time for some months now.
You are very friendly and funny.
You seem to be such a great person.
I don't know much about you, but I do think that.
When I see you, you always seem like a happy person, yes I do think that.
But now I've seen what's on your arm:
Three red lines in a row.
Oh no, don't tell me that you feel this way.
What have you done to deserve it?
What ever happened in life to make you want to die?
I noticed because I care.
I don't know much about you, but I do care.
I care because I know how it feels.
And the feeling is very real.
I would seem stupid to say don't do it, because I do it too.
Hopefully we will both get out of it soon, and look up at the night sky, seeing the beauty of the moon
and everything else.
There is beauty in everything,
it doesn't have to be what is enforced onto us.
I'm sorry that this has happened.
I do wish that there is something I can do.
But I need to take care of myself too.
Hopefully that one day, we will both realize the beauty in everything, and realize that we are both beautiful souls.
Continue reading...
May 2014 · 337
Bless
Shayda H May 2014
Bless
I'm not that religous.
Today I blessed the ones that I didn't like just so we could get along.
I thought that it was a good thing to do.
But the consequence was that I would have a terrible week.
Maybe I should only seek help from myself, maybe I should just not care
about them at all.
Seems to be the only way to help me.
But I was only trying to be a good person.
Well I've learned my lesson, and I have to move on from there.
Where to next? I don't know.
But I just keep going.
Keep going, further and further.
And bless the world!
(S.H.)
Continue reading...
May 2014 · 451
I Feel Sick
Shayda H May 2014
I Feel Sick
I wake up and I feel sick, I feel like ick!
The thought of licking ice cream doesn't seem pleasant right now.
The thought of happiness hasn't been part of my vocabulary for a while.
Maybe it was yesterday, so why do I feel like this today?
I'm still not sure.
When I am happy, I am happy.
But today, I feel ******.
I guess that will just be for today.
Tomorrow will be tomorrow and I wont feel sick.
At times, I don't know how I can function when I feel like this.
I don't even know how on earth I even got through it.
Any moment I might burst.
Having thirst for water doesn't help.
But today is today, and tomorrow is tomorrow,
and I wont feel sick.

(S.H.)
Continue reading...
May 2014 · 800
I Think I'm Happy
Shayda H May 2014
I Think I'm Happy
Am I happy?
I don't know.
I haven't been for the longest time.
But I think I feel fine.
I feel great!
I don't hate.
The sun is out, and I'm about.
I'm not mentally rushing my day, just so I can go home.
I roam around now because I'm not missing out on something.
The days do feel longer, but I'm enjoying them.
I don't ask myself when I can leave.
I don't greive.
I like seeing my friends, and the joy wont end.
I am happy.
Very, very happy.
#depression #happines #solarpoweredhuman
Continue reading...
May 2014 · 456
Leave Me Here
Shayda H May 2014
Leave Me Here
Leave me here.
I can't imagine what else to do with myself, or my life.
There isnt anything interesting.
The amusing moments only lasts for five seconds.
I becon for help.
I reckon that it wont work.
I'm not that old yet, and I already take my youth for granted.
I'd rant it all out, but I don't know what to say.
It's nice that you want to help.
But I'm stuck on this shelf, I need to help myself.
Leave me here please.
Don't tease me, if I nees your help, I will come to you
I can do this..
I hope
Continue reading...
May 2014 · 326
Sit Here
Shayda H May 2014
Sit Here
I am sitting here, tired and bored.
I don't have any interest in being here.
I find this so wasteful.
I could be doing other things that make me happy.
But I am here, feeling crapy.
I understand that the intentions of this do good,
but should I be here if I don't belong?
Maybe this will help me for the future,
but I can't see the point in this right now.
I just have to sit here, untill it's done.
The days are going by fast,
these pointless moments wont last forever.
Once it is done, it will be done.
Then I can move on.
In the meantime, I just have to sit here!
(S.K.H.)
Continue reading...
Apr 2014 · 1.2k
Electronica
Shayda H Apr 2014
Electronica
Neutrons, protons, croutons, electrons. Electronic. Electric. Electricity.
Creativity?
Negativity.
An electronic .
A psychotic electronic.
I don't want my body to become a piece of metal.
It doesn't make me feel settle.
I don't want wires to control my movement.
I don't want a computer as a brain.
If it rains outside, I would completely malfunction.
I am a human, with human thoughts an concerns.
I am a human with human feelings and a human body.
I have human body organs as well.
I guess it is interesting that humans are evolving.
But I also find it to be a mess.
What will happen when my human body parts and organs become replaced with computers and electronics that are controlled by the high class society and the government?
We will become robots;
An army for the government.
We will be forced to do however they please.
What about us?
Should we fuss?
Or should we not worry about the fact that we wont have the right to speak up any more?
We wont have feelings, thoughts and concerns.
We can't even control our own movement.
We can't even control our own choices.
It is all decided by them.
We don't have the right to know when something wrong is in sight.
And we can't say anything about it.
Say goodbye to human rights!
Say goodbye to freedom of speech!
Say goodbye to being human at all!
They don't care,
they don't want to feel powerless.  
So they take away everything that is important to us.
And you think that technology developing is cool
I would like to remain human.
I don't want to be part of the *Electronica!
A bit more of a rant than a poem.
#humans #technology #government #rights #evolution #rantingpoetry
Continue reading...
Mar 2014 · 332
Can't Think of a Title for This
Shayda H Mar 2014
Can't Think of a Title for This
The snow is finally melting.
The weather has been depressing.
I can't listen to the news, it makes me confused.
Society scares me, it's full of queen bee's.
I adjust my hair, fully aware that no one cares (It's called high school).
If I had a world of my own, there would be a lot of random nonsense.
I'd rather be alone, but I don't want to be lonely.
Please keep me company. I need someone to tell me that I'm lovely. My thoughts make me feel ugly.
I wanna be held in your arms, so I don't harm myself. I don't want to feel so overwhelmed.
I need a beautiful soul to make life swell!
Continue reading...
Mar 2014 · 588
One of Those Nights
Shayda H Mar 2014
One of Those Nights
It's one of those nights when you're at home or out for the evening.
Either one, you're not having fun.
Either way, you're not enjoying your day.
You wish things would just calm down, so you don't drown in your thoughts and concerns.
Nothing will calm and your anxiety gets worse.
You feel as if you're ready to burst.
However, you don't burst.
You remain of what seems to be perfectly fine.
But you are not fine.
You wish things could get done a lot easier, because you know it would.
Somehow it doesn't.
Why isn't it easier?
You say "What could have I done to start this?"
And you don't know.
And so, your anger starts rising.
And you still seem to be fine on the outside.
Sadly, no one can see on the inside.
If only they would know how it feels during one of those nights!
Continue reading...
Feb 2014 · 617
Just a Dream
Shayda H Feb 2014
Just a Dream
Dreams,
they seem to be a wonderful thing.
Full of adventure and wonder.
Dreams tell you and show you everything that you wouldn't imagine when you are awake.
Dreams also take your negative thoughts and makes it feel oh so real!
But it isn't real.
It was only just a dream.
Continue reading...
Feb 2014 · 741
A Blog
Shayda H Feb 2014
A Blog
I have a blog.
Not a pet dog, but a blog.
Somehow, this blog is a part of my life.
You ask me why?
You tell me that I am wasting my time.
I can see that as well.
But this blog is a part of my life.
This blog helps me express myself, without being too emotional in public.
Makes you see things about myself that I have difficulty speaking about.
Why?
Because people judge me.
I have met friends on this blog.
And they are much friendlier than having a dog.
Much friendlier than you are.
I find things that keep me happy, not sappy.
I find things that make me laugh.
I find things that I love.
I find things that I can relate to.
This blog makes me feel sane, not insane, like you make me feel, everyday.
I am not actually wasting time.
I actually help those in need as well.
And life is swell.
I have a blog that is part of my life!
Continue reading...
Feb 2014 · 530
Love?
Shayda H Feb 2014
Love?
Love.
What is love?
It makes no sense.
Makes me feel tense.
Should I give you one more chance?
I don't want to be put in a trance.
Love isn't only about dancing with joy.
You can be used like a toy.
I am not a toy.
I want enjoy.
Love?
What is love?
Continue reading...
Feb 2014 · 663
Here I Am
Shayda H Feb 2014
Here I Am
Here I am, ready to talk.
But you walk away.
Hey, where did you go?
Did you know that my life feels low?
You encourage me to speak up when something is wrong.
It's hard to keep up because you don't even listen.
Listen, listen my friend!
Here I am, ready to talk.
Continue reading...

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