I'm sorry if my smile isn't always wide or goofy
Or if I look at you too much for you to comprehend
I'm sorry if I'm sad while near you
But it's because my jealousy has no end

You talk to all girls
The same way you talk to me
You squat down to our size
Almost falling on your knees

You stick out your tongue
You tickle our sides
You ruffle our hair
It brings tears to my eyes

I want you so bad
But can never be yours
I wish I was happy
Not wanting more

But you make my heart pound
You make me weak in the knees
You make me blush
I wish-oh please

I wish for some strength
To confess how I feel
I wish for your eyes to see me
So I know that you're real

You're so imperfect I love it
I'd have you no other way
But you cannot be mine
No; not today

My words are too quiet
My voice is too soft
Yet I get offended
When people don't get along
With my stinging words
And my ****** mouth
I'd tell you how I feel about this
Yet I don't know how
Not without violence
Not without offense
Not without insult
It just makes no sense
So I try not to talk
And you always feel lonely
For with my lack of words
Come fingers so boney
Gripping your jacket
Or smashing your heart
I write this poem
It's my only good art
It's just for you
But you'll never know
I'll make sure of this stranger
So you can let go

i don't write
to please anyone
i don't write
for attention
i don't write
for compliments
i don't write
to make anyone fall in love with me

i write
because i feel
i write
because i need to
i write
because my mind is too loud
i write
because my mouth is too quiet

My eyes weep
Their salty tears
I'm grounded in place
By all of my fears
You hold up my chin
As though it will help
And my heart beats fast
I just want to yelp
With glee as I have
So many times in the past
My blood running fast
My heart like glass
Don't drop it I beg
With all of my might
Hold it steady so that I
Will live through the night
Do what you wish in the morning
I won't be human then
Throw it against the wall if you'd like
Just don't tell me when
You're about to do it
So it will hurt less
Smash it to pieces
Just put it to rest
From this beating whirlwind
This blush on repeat
This skip in my step
The occasional heat
That flares through me
At the sight of you
Your head held high
Like there's nothing you can't do
Because there isn't
We both know
There's even no reason
To just put on a show
Just being you
Attracts me  so
So **** me fast
But hold me close

I was asked to describe how much I hurt once
I don't really think there was a valid answer for that
Because all I can think about in my moment of pain
Is the pain

I'm not thinking that I've probably felt more pain in my life
I'm not thinking that I'll probably have worse
I'm not even fully comprehending the situation at that moment
Because all I can think about is the pain

The pain controls my existence for as long as it stays
Even if it dulls it will be all I can think about
All that I can't take my mind off of
All that exists to me

I'm not thinking about money
Or homework
Or another person's feelings
As I give into my pain

I let it control me, no matter how bad that idea itself is
I let it take over my actions
And my words
And I'll snap just to apologize later

If I say something I don't mean while in pain
How can I handle falling in love
Just to fall out of it?
I'm too young for this

I'm not ready for the responsibility of having to care for myself
I've been selfish, letting myself go
Thinking that there's always going to be something there to fall back on
There isn't

There actually never was

That's why I am the way I am today