Dedication
by Shani Jonas


Caramel kissed skin
And big brown eyes
Goofy laugh that makes me melt
And a sweet scent that never gets out of my head
But self-esteem is at an all time low...
others walk on you
But you just don't realize
You think their your friends
But they talk about you behind your back
And they don't  consider you one of them,
They push you down
use you
and don’t see how wonderful you truly are.
but i?
i love you.
in more ways than one
you are my brother, my crush, my  great friend
and a stupendous addition to my life
you’re sweet and cuddly and never put up a fight
you are a shoulder to cry on
and my own personal advice giver
you make me laugh when we joke around
And I love it when you tease me
i have had feelings like this before
but never this strong
that means you are special
that you are the one
Why can't you be mine?
I want to be at your side
All of the time

Envy
By Shani Jonas

It's a terrible thing
Like something is climbing from your gut
And ready
Ready to explode
Envy is the black dark hole that many are ****** into
Dragged away to a place of no return
Envy is stuck In your throat
A big gulp your can't get down
When you see someone accomplishing their dreams
When you're not
To see someone get something get something
That rightfully belongs to you
To see the loving comments of their adoring fans,
When you can barely get applauded
When they reach the big time
Your out in the cold.
All alone
Vulnerable.
And people walk by and pity you
Or spit at you like Bob Ewell in disgust
If only, if only you had gotten your chance back then...
That my friend, is envy.

Future
by Shani Jonas

Look into the future.
What do you see?
do you see yourself famous,
or a martyr to this world?
will you have a nice house, or will you live on the street?
will you have children, or have none?
will you go to college, or leave from high school
will you focus on work, or on fun?
the future is always changing....
flipping and turning around
because in reality there is many futures
and one thing leads to another...

then..........
BOOM!
gone.......................
­forever.
for the future quickly becomes the past.
with every word on this page
time passes..........
and you’re inching closer
closer to you future
the future is what you make it
so make it a good one...........................

July 4th is a Holiday filled with celebration,
Complete with BBQs and Fireworks
And exclamations of "Happy Independence day"
But people seem to fail to add the asterisk at the end
The hidden meaning, the fine print, the text between the lines if you will.
Because July 4th is not everyones's independence day.
July 4th only signifies the independence of a particular group of people
A group of people who fought for their freedom, but didn't allow it in their own back yards.
When these people were out celebrating their independence, my ancestors, my family, where in fields, working, in houses trying to stay alive
My women trying to stay away from their masters ****** them-
Whoops, sorry, I meant "Celebrating."
So what reason do I have to call July 4th my independence day?
If anything, my independence day is December 16th, the ratification of the 13th amendment
Or Juneteenth
Or January 1st, the day that the emancipation proclamation was ratified.
So while everyone else is celebrating the New Year, I think about what else that day has brought
Brought about the freedom of a people, my people.
Made them citizens, made them real, made them free.
Well, kinda free.
We've come so far.
And of course, I am not trying to blame white people today for what happened in the past, they should not be held accountable for the actions of the people from whom they've descended
But instead I want my black brothers and sisters to think, to remember, where we are coming from.
So yes, I hope everyone has a happy independence day*
Just keep in mind that it's not mine.

Hope
By Shani Jonas


I actually believe that there is hope for this generation
For the boys and girls and adults of this nation
Even with teen pregnancies
And puberty coming too fast
With rapes and murders
And relationships that don't last
With mini thugs and thieves
With judement that's cruel
With abuse and hunger
And no religion in schools
I may be a fool
To think that we can possibly achieve something in this dog eat dog world
But I have a lot of hope
For just a 12 year old girl

I believe that men
Will stop treating women as objects
That they will stop watching her "twerk her stuff"
And really mean their "I love you"
Women will stop getting dragged by society into the black ashes of the souls that used to belong to confident girls
That they will stop being insecure
So they can see the roses among the thorns
And the buds among dry leaves
I wish that parents will stop beating their children
Because is it worth all the pain?
Killing your own flesh and blood?
I know I can't do much
To change all the evil in the world
But there is one thing that both you and I can do to help.
And that is to pray and
Hope
Hope
Hope, for a better life

Hurt
By Shani Jonas

A broken heart.
That doesn't even begin
To define the word hurt
When you're emotionally hurt
It’s a thousand screams
Shredding the in the lungs
A sinking pit in the bottom of one's stomach
A stabbing knife under the ribs
The slouched back and the distraught mind
And the thought of kicking everything
To feel pain other than the one that’s felt on the inside.
Sometimes you just want to leave your body. To fly away into the bright sky
The cool breeze against your face and nothing on your mind
No one wants to face the hurt they’re feeling
No matter what its about
The twist in the side
The ache in the mind
That’s what hurt’s all about.

My King (aka Dedication)
by Shani Jonas

I wish I had known you in heaven before I knew you on earth
So I could have loved you long before the time of my birth

Never change, not even a bit
because to me, you'll always be  exquisite
You grace this planet with sheer sophistication
Elegantly embodying your regal disposition

You are a boy of undeniable touch
Of value and virtues, you're made up of such
You are beautifully carved
And intricately designed
The mirror image of God the divine

A precious gift sent from above
Delicately wrapped in layer of love

My king, Who knew it would come down to this?
sign, sealed, delivered with a kiss
that one would go into their heart
and think about things from the very start
seeing things unseen, feeling things that weren't felt
for a person such as I, who doesn't even begin to comprehend how these thing are suppose to be dealt
i will have to wing it through
just like snipping thorns off bushes to get to the true beauty on the inside.
The roses
oh if one’s desires could truly be answered
all thoughts and wishes would come, not needing a second thought about them
but aha, that not how life works
one has to figure out things..
for themselves

you are my brother, my friend
and a stupendous addition to my life
you’re sweet and cuddly and never put up a fight
you are a shoulder to cry on
and my own personal advice giver
you make me laugh when we joke around
I have meet few people like you before
I hope that when i give you my all, you"ll open the door
that you ** are the one
My king

Regret
By Shani Jonas

Don't you sometimes regret
The things that were left unsaid?
The times were you hid in the closet and locked the door
And close away your feelings from the outside world
Many may call you shy
Others might call you obstinate
What the actual problem is fear of rejection
One cannot tell
If all will go well
When they finally express their feelings.
Nobody wants to have to go through being rejected
So they go back to their sedentary activities

And don't you just regret it
When things that should remain unspoken
Have been released from mouth to mouth, in to the air which is the gossip of society today
Not only does it lose friends
It breaks trust
And leaves one with a broken heart
A wise man once said
Don't dwell on the past
Look forward into the future
But how can we look away from the past
If it is always there to haunt us
And Effect the future itself??

Suicidal Thoughts
by Shani Jonas

I paint a pretty picture
on the base of my wrist
with my razor and some red liquid
and my hand clenched into a fist

I do one stroke for everything thing I hate
everything that gets me down
I do a stroke for everything that turns my ugly smile
into an even uglier frown

I do one stroke for promises
that are very often broken
There is one stroke for love not returned
When someone throws away your kind token

another stroke goes on my wrist
for all the unfairness in this time
things go good for a second
and go bad for months at a time

A stroke for all the people I can’t stand
a stroke for all the harm done
a stroke for all stupidity in the world
a stroke for all the guns

that **** all those innocent people
I use this razor to show the things that I hide inside
one more stroke and I’m dead...
*A stroke for committing suicid--

3 Person Sidewalk
By Shani Jonas

Have you you ever tried to walk on a sidewalk
With three people side by side?
It's very hard you see.
Because of oncoming traffic from other pedestrians
Or scaffoldings and construction in the way
Or cuz of any other obstacle?
Well, one person usually gets pushed to the back
And I'm usually that one
While my friends are up ahead, chatting like there's no tomorrow
I'm at the back
Alone.
Oh, if only there was 3 person sidewalks
So no one would be left out
No one would be left behind.
Because 3 people on a two person sidewalk
One has to get isolated
But why is that one always me?

You (YKWYA)
by Shani Jonas aka Aririkatoki

How can I just ignore
the way you make me feel?
The way that you have my heart sprinting
it's almost as if it was in a race
Yes, a race, where the trophy is your love and affection
a race, where even though the finish line seems to be no where in sight
my heart keeps running
Because it's wishing, hoping
that all this work will be worth it in the end
because I'll have you, right?
Wrong.

You have my stomach doing gymnastics
tricks that would get 10 gold medals
but what good would those be?
they don't matter
because even after all those awards
I won't be happy
because I wouldn't have you

Oh, I try and try and try
I really do
but no matter how much I try
I can't be just friends with you
So even though we joke and laugh and play
and even though it may not seem this way
My heart is still racing
and my stomach is still flipping
and my soul?
my soul is just longing
and even though I know the finish line will never come
and that all those medals will never be enough
my soul will still long
and that's all that I can do.