I'm looking forward to the kisses that trace along my skin
lips kissing lips, tongue breaking skin
but then again, I could be getting a little to used to this whole celibacy thing
the idea that I have become one with myself, taking the time to get to know me again
but nothing could compare to what I have learned to conjure up deep within
the urges for affection
a good cuddle when it's all over
the arms of a man and his scent better than a blanket to cover
but the constant urges to touch
to feel
the need to be relieved of the stress
that need to have that loneliness healed
no worries about if I'm his one and only
if there is potential beyond today for love
just me, my thoughts, and perhaps a strong toy when it all becomes a bit too much

i think i'm going krazy. to believe that someday someone will actually love me and mean it. love me and not make me want to leave them. when i first tripped and fell in love, i was young. i'm still young, but i was really young.
he used to make me feel like i was the only girl in the world and in his, i was. then the jealousy came. the twisted lies about how he'd heard i'd cheated on him were thrown wild in the mixx of hits and i love yous.
and the please don't leave mes he used to sing when i was tired of fighting back or being his punching bag. i never thought it could have been me but it was. and i've never told too many until now. he gave me anything i wanted until he wanted me to be isolated in his world alone. hidden away.
i'm happier that i left him alone. sad our daughter was conceived in our dysfunction. i left him and found another just like him without the physical abuse but the psychological.
i blamed myself that two years, even though i knew it wasn't my fault.
i've found potential in people and my thought process was not the reality i ended up living.

I need to be freed from this curse that is you
you've imposed so long in my space and after having bore two of your children and cancelling a third I know now that this is not what I deserve

I want flowers and cute dates but you say I will **** them and the drive-thru is our new "favorite" dinning place

I never imagined I would end up here
half way through to my degree, still lacking an actual career

I'm embarrassed to know you, be joined to you in this life

Cut me from your noose and let me run far away from you

i never heard her fall when she did
but the screams that she had fallen woke me
and now, even five months passed, i am not coping
i still see her lying there on that bedroom floor
arms spread out like a cross
eyes wide shut, unblinking
i feel guilty
i question if there were more i could have done
just thinking
what if ?
and why then if it had been her time
why can't i let those emotions dwindle
just thinking

her husband's new life is filled with so many tears
i never heard a man cry the way he had that night
the way he wore her wedding band on his pinky
asking the hospital if he could take her home
his shock tore my heart
so now on my weekends
i visit him
we laugh fake laughs
the laughs that are filled with so much hidden pain just to make it through another day
we cook in the memory that she will be sitting at the table with us
and when i come back home i cry wishing i could have stayed longer than just to visit

The sorrows of today will fade away
The dreams will bloom as the blossoms of the spring do
The wishes will float into the thickness of the skies to rain again, with moisture of new hope...

Broken
open and vulnerable
pieces falling
invisible
only to show
like dew drops
just appear
shattering atop
concrete
loud as thunder
though
only I can hear
peace passing me
like clouds sometime do
dragging confusion
along
I'm shopping for solitude
In a middle-eastern country
within my mind
choices raining on me
pressuring me to face
reality
and open up my eyes
purple clouds elude my vision
rainbow skies brighten it
although I'm seeing things as they are
I am still missing the haunt of reality
The truth under the atmosphere
Seeing all I want to see
yet, not seeing all there is at all

fury in the pit of my heart
piloted by madness
flying recklessly throughout me
hitting the stones as they fall
chipping away at the pieces of me that can not remain
fire burning rapidly
destroying the remainings of manageable sanity
breaking down the silence that was built to keep my rage from escaping