I wish I was coming out of this
A butterfly 
****, just something with wings

Hasn’t it been a cocoon?
Crying and crawling, desperate times 
We're begging for change
When did it come to this?
I was just thinking about finding
What I’ve hidden 

Guess there was more than I thought

Where did I put it?
I know it’s in here somewhere 
Did it fall between the bed and the wall? 
I’ve dug through all the corners 
Third eye throat stomach swallowing heart
Plenty vulnerable with no discernible 
Skill so I know it’s unlikely but god
There’s a script a book a song or two
A business plan, A landing joke ?
Something somewhere in these poems
All over my floor and tucked into my arm 
Maybe it’s in my phone, probably not

I wish I was better but of course, I am


Even if you can’t see wings 
Maybe they’re bound 
Just under my elbows 


I’m better 
Even if it’s just barely more than before

Do you know what home feels like?
When I found you, I remembered 
I didn’t even know I had forgotten

Isn’t that funny? 

How everything you’ve ever wanted creeps in when you aren’t looking 

But I was always looking for family 
So when I found them 
It felt like I was dreaming 
Or maybe I finally felt like family too 
I sit up at night 
Studying both sides of my hands 
How much time did I lose? 
Was it a dream, after all?
I couldn’t have been asleep that long

Your breath still bathes the skin of my shoulders
Your hands still fumbles in my blankets 
I still feel you
I must have had too much to drink because when I woke you were just.. gone and I was on 
A stranger’s couch 
Kindness on the table cooked perfectly 
Every smile feels like The Truman Show, honestly 
Wait 
Wasn’t I just with my family? 
Don’t I have family? 
I was just thinking of my family 
Could you tell? 

Do I look like I need it? Can you tell I’ve been violently weeping in the wood? I’m some sort of ghost, will you take care of me? Have I skinned my knees? My palms sting. Did somebody say something when I was out because there’s a sheet of softener in here and everything is dry even though you have to hit the button every 20 minutes and I always forget to come back 

It’s sweet to know at least somebody’s mother is watching my clothes while I step out for air

You didn’t have to
I should say thank you 
I look around 
Last in, first out 
Not a scratch in my day but 
How long do you spend here? 
Cleaning all the clothes in the house 
My house is small 
So sometimes I let my basket build for weeks 
So I can stay a little longer
Flaunting XLs like I got somebody at home 

Oh, I hear him making dinner now
Throwing the pan across the room when I smash my finger putting away the cart, making a scene just to hear me laugh

He’s on his knees in seconds just to **** the blood from my knuckles and
                 Get this, 
He doesn’t even 
Spit it out

      He looks up smiling and says, 
“What would people think?” 

Now, the sight of blood makes me dizzy
But it isn’t the color 
I’ve always known how to clean up after myself but it feels
Harder now 
    To have less in my basket
    I’ll just take my time folding 
                                                Anyway, I like the lighting in here