When all the lies fade away
You in the corner, ruminating
The sun shines forth on this sullen day
And you realize your prized life has been forsaken

When you're too in love to see
Your blinded by compassion
You have so much of it that you live miserably
And now your stunted by inaction

I tread through the snowbank
I slipped down deep into it
And now everything is blank
So in the frozen stillness I sit

Within the center of the chaos
Resides the truth
Life is a multitude of revolving clocks
Spinning in alignment with abundant life which moves

Whenever you find yourself confounded
Instead of forcing a solution through manipulation
If you just surrender you will be astounded
By the simple ebb and flow of creation.

Should I or should I not go through with what has been brought upon me?

What is the correct choose when both answers are right and are complete opposites.

'What is waiting around my river bend?'

Something is coming but what exactly is that for me?

When you know deep down what you need to do, but your heart wants something else
...
Who is right?
What part of me really controls my life?

I'm curious to find out.

I walked up the steps in
this old building
The steps called out to me
Eerily, and I followed the tug
in my soul
I am anxious
But I follow wherever it
tells me to go

Big windows
In empty rooms
Look out onto the street below
I'm so high above everyone
I say I feel like God
I see all my friends
Down below
I am unattached,
looking down
on the world

Nothing compares to a warm embrace
and eyes connecting and
a radiant smile on a loved one's face
But their is nothing quite like solitude
It's quiet
It's haunting,
it's serene
In solitude
you can hear the whispers of your soul
and discern clearly what they mean

I've always had trouble with connection
I feel perpetually an alien
even when I see I am loved
I could never be
truly convinced in my heart
But I feel most loved and
understood
In the silence,
In the comfort of withdrawal
Is when I feel most connected
To the life force from which
I live.

As I walked down those steps
Back into the living, breathing life of
contradictions
In it being so much futility and
triviality
I know that everything will be okay
Even if, among a sea of people
I feel as if
I were the only one.

Tonight I search aimlessly and find nothing
Nothing that resonates with me
It rains outside and the air has become crisp
I breathe it in clearly through my nostrils
And I feel at ease

On this rainy day I envision snow,
even though snow is an unlikely prospect for now
Snow is an emotion I am experiencing currently
That feeling of stillness, of a deep, deep knowing
That you don't understand
You don't understand how you know,
you just do

I see deep blue eyes in this snow
and a bearded chin and a mouth that speaks slowly and deliberately
It beguiles me and yet puzzles me
For it is an oddity
He, whom I behold tenderly with my dazzled and curious eyes

Is it a bird I hear in the distance
Quietly chirping out for help?
How many of us are quietly chirping out for help
Yet too scared to scream for help?
Well, sometimes we just have to scream.

Having dreams of tripping on the road
I'm a beatnik
Convulsing under the constraining wait of conformity
I hiss out like a strangled snake
One that has knotted its own body into limitation
I yearn, cry out to a infinite void
I want so badly
For the warm sun to envelop my body
and for my heart and spirit
to be my sole and only compass

Sometimes,
I have flashbacks
of a girl who paid no mind to rules
And lived life fully
Why did I bury her,
just to survive?

Tell me the truth, I beseech you
Don't lie or falsify
or tell me sweet fantasies that
will quell my haunted mind
Tell me the truth, nothing but the truth
Or I will continue on
as a mad woman
deluded, entranced and blinded
Show me the way of truth, and I will abide,
not chide or hide
For I know the truth will give me wings to fly
to transcend the chaos of society and
my own mind

My hands search for a truth like gold,
pure and untainted
But I grasp at straws
Sometimes these straws give me false leads
that cause me joy
But when I finally reach the core of truth
for that system of belief
I see, that the whole time
I was being fed lies,
I was fervently pursuing a deception
And then I lose my sense of self again
I lose it because that belief system
is what I anchored my whole being in

Is the truth,
the absolute truth
Staring me in the eyes?
Am I being purposely ignorant of it
Because acknowledging the truth would mean that I would have to take
up my own cross
and follow Jesus?
How many people call themselves Christians,
but aren't willing to die in the name of Jesus?
Am I willing to die to my Self
and follow in the purpose God has assigned to me?