Alas sais y medya na ng umaga nang makauwi si Natividad mula sa bahay ng kanyang amo. Pagkababa n’ya ng maliit na bag na laman ang kanyang cellphone at wallet na merong labin-limang libo at iilang barya ay marahan siyang naglakad tungo sa kwartong tinutulugan ng kanyang tatlong anak. Hinawi niya ang berdeng kurtina at sumilip sa kanyang mga anghel.
Babae ang panganay ni Natividad, o di kaya’y Vida. Labindalawang taong gulang na ito at nasa Grade 7 na. Isa sa mga malas na naabutan ng pahirap na K-12 program. Ang gitna naman ay sampung taong gulang na lalaki at mayroong down syndrome. Special child ang tawag nila sa batang tulad nito, pero “abnormal” o “abno” naman ang ipinalayaw ng mga lasinggero sa kanila. Ang bunso naman niya, si bunsoy, ay kakatapak lamang ng Grade 1. Pitong taong gulang na ito at ito ang katangkaran sa mga babae sa klase nito. Sabi ng kapwa niya magulang ay late na raw ang edad nito para sa baiting, pero kapag mahirap ka, mas maigi na ang huli kaysa wala.
Nang makitang nahihimbing pa ang mga ito ay tahimik s’yang tumalikod at naglakad papuntang kusina. Ipagluluto niya ang mga anak ng sopas at adobong manok. May mga natira pa namang sangkap na iilang gulay, gatas, at macaroni na galing pa sa bahay ni Kapitan noong nangatulong siya sa paghahanda para sa piyesta. Bumili rin siya ng kalahating kilo na pakpak ng manok, kalahating kilo pa ulit ng atay ng manok, at limang kilo ng bigas.
Inuna niya ang pagsasaing. Umabot pa ng tatlong gatang ang natitirang bigas nila sa pulang timba ng biskwit kaya ‘yun na lang ang ginamit niya. Pagkatapos ay agad niya rin itong pinalitan ng bagong biling bigas.
De-uling pa ang kalan ni Vida kaya inabot siya ng limang minuto bago nakapagpaapoy. Siniguro niyang malakas ang apoy para madaling masaing. Kakaunti na lang kasi ang oras na natitira.
Habang hinihintay na maluto ang kanin ay dumiretso na sa paghahanda ng mga sangkap si Vida. Siniguro niyang tahimik ang bawat kilos para maiwasang magising ang mga anak. Mas mapapatagal lamang kasi kung sasabay pa ang mga ito sa kanyang pagluluto.
Habang hinahati at pinaparami ang manok ay patingin-tingin s’ya sa labas. Inaabangan ang inaasahan niyang mga bisita.
Mukang magtatagal pa sila ah. Ano na kayang balita? Dito lamang naikot ang isip ni Vida sa tuwing nakikitang medyo normal pa sa labas.
May mga potpot na nagbebenta na pan de sal at monay, mga nanay na labas-masok ng kani-kanilang mga bahay dahil tulad niya ay naghahanda rin ng pagkain, at mga lalaking kauuwi lamang sa trabaho o siguro kaya’y galing sa inuman.
Tulog pa ata ang karamihan ng mga bata. Mabuti naman, walang maingay. Hindi magigising ang tatlo.
Binalikan niya ang sinaing at tiningnan kung pupwede na bang hanguin.
Okay na ito. Dapat ako magmadali talaga.
Dali-dali niyang isinalang ang kaserolang may laman na pinira-pirasong manok.
Habang hinihintay na maluto ang manok ay paunti-unti rin siyang naglilinis. Tahimik pa rin ang bawat kilos. Lampas kalahating oras na siyang nakakauwi at ano mang oras ay baka magising ang mga anak niya o di kaya’y dumating ang mga hinihintay n’ya.
Winalis niya ang buong bahay. Maliit lang naman iyon kaya mabilis lamang siyang natapos. Pagkatapos ay marahan siyang naglakad papasok sa maliit nilang tulugan, kinuha ang lumang backpack ng kanyang panganay at sinilid doon ang ilang damit. Tatlong blouse, dalawang mahabang pambaba at isang short. Dinamihan niya ang panloob dahil alanganin na kakaunti lamang ang dala.
Pagkatapos niyang mag-empake ay itinago niya muna backpack sa ilalim ng lababo. Hinango niya na rin ang manok at agad na pinalitan ng palayok na pamana pa sa kanya. Dahil hinanda niya na kanina sa labas ang lahat ng kakailanganin ay dahan dahan niyang sinara ang pinto para hindi marinig mula sa loob ang ingay ng paggigisa.
Bawat kilos niya ay mabilis, halata **** naghahabol ng oras. Kailangang makatapos agad siya para may makain ang tatlo sa paggising nila.
Nang makatapos sa sopas ay agad niya itong ipinasok at ipinatong sa lamesa. Sinigurong nakalapat ang takip para mainit-init pa sakaling tanghaliin ng gising ang mga anak.
Dali-daling hinugasan ang ginamit na kaserola sa paglalaga at agad ulit itong isinalang sa apoy. Atay ng manok ang binili niya para siguradong mas mabilis maluluto. Magandang ipang-ulam ang adobo dahil ma-sarsa, pwede ring ulit-ulitin ang pag-iinit hanggang maubos.
Habang hinihintay na lumambot na ang mga patatas, nakarinig siya ng mga yabag mula sa likuran.
Nandito na sila. Hindi pa tapos ‘tong adobo.
“Vida.” Narinig niyang tawag sa kanya ng pamilyar na boses ng lalaki. Malapit niyang kaibigan si Tobias. Tata Tobi kung tawagin ng mga anak niya. Madalas niya ditong ihabilin ang tatlo kapag kailangan niyang mag-overnight sa bahay ng amo.
“Tobi. Andito na pala kayo,” nginitian niya pa ang dalawang kasama nitong nasa likuran. Tahimik lang ang mga itong nagmamasid sa kanya.
“Hindi pa tapos ang adobo ko eh. Ilalahok ko pa lang ang atay. Pwedeng upo muna kayo doon sa loob? Saglit na lang naman ‘to.”
Mukhang nag-aalangan pa ang dalawa pero tahimik itong kinausap ni Tobi. Maya-maya ay parang pumayag na rin ito at tahimik na naglakad papasok. Narinig niya pang sinabihan ni Tobi ang mga ito na dahan-dahan lamang dahil natutulog ang mga anak niya. Napangiti na lamang siya rito.
Pagkalahok ng atay at tinakpan niya ang kaserola. Tahimik siyang naglakad papasok habang nararamdaman ang pagmamasid sa kanya. Tumungo siya sa lababo at kinuha ang backpack.
Lumapit siya sa mga panauhin at tahimik na dinaluhan ang mga ito tapos ay sabay-sabay nilang pinanood ang usok galing sa adobong atay.
“M-ma’am.” Rinig niyang tawag sa kanya ng kasama ni Tobias. Corazon ang nakaburdang apelyido sa plantsadong uniporme. Mukhang bata pa ito at baguhan.
“Naku, ser. ‘Wag na po ganoon ang itawag niyo sa akin. Alam niyo naman na kung sino ako.” Maraan niyang sabi dito, nahihiya.
“Vida. Pwede ka namang tumanggi.” Si Tobias talaga.
“Tobi naman. Parang hindi ka pamilyar. Tabingi ang tatsulok, Tobias. Alam mo iyan.” Iniiwasan niyang salubungin ang mga mata ni Tobias. Nararamdaman niya kasi ang paninitig nito. Tumatagos. Damang-dama niya sa bawat himaymay ng katawan niya at baka saglit lamang na pagtingin dito ay umiyak na siya.
Kanina niya pa nilulunok ang umaalsang hagulhol dail ayaw niyang magising ang mga anak.
“Vida…” marahang tawag sa kanya ng isa pang kasama ni Tobi. Mukhang mas matanda ito sa Corazon pero halatang mas matanda pa rin ang kaibigan niya.
“Ano ba talaga ang nangyari?”
“Ser…Abit,” mabagal niyang basa sa apelyido nito.
“Ngayon lang po ako nanindigan para sa sarili ko.” garalgal ang boses niya. Nararamdaman niya na ang umaahon na luha.
“Isang beses ko lang po naramdaman na tao ako, ser. At ngayon po iyon. Nakakapangsisi na sa ganitong paraan ko lang nabawi ang pagkatao ko, pero ang mahalaga po ay ang mga anak ko. Mahalaga po sila sa’kin, ser.” mahina lamang ang pagkakasabi niya, sapat na para magkarinigan silang apat.
“Kung mahalaga sila, bakit mo ginawa ‘yon? Vida, bakit ka pumatay?”
Sasagot n asana siya ng marinig niyang kumaluskos ang banig mula sa kuwarto. Lumabas doon ang panganay niyang pupungas-pungas pa. dagli niya itong pinalapit at pinaupo sa kinauupuan niya. Lumuhod siya sa harap nito para magpantay sila.
“Anak. Good morning. Kamusta ang tulog mo?”
“Good morning din, nay. Sino po sila? ‘Ta Tobi?”
“Kaibigan sila ni ‘Ta Tobias, be. Hinihintay nila ako kasi may pupuntahan kami eh.” marahan niyang paliwanag, tinatantya ang bawat salita dahil bagong gising lamang ang anak.
“Saan, nay? May handaan po uli sina ser?” tukoy nito sa mga dati niyang amo.
“Basta ‘nak. Kunin mo muna yung bag ko doon sa lamesa, dali. Kunin ko yung ulam natin mamaya. Masarap yun, be.”
Agad naman itong sumunod habang kinukuha niya na rin ang bagong luto na adobo. Pagkapatong sa lamesa ng ulam ay nilapitan niya ulit ang anak na tinitingnan-tingnan ang tahimik na mga  kasama ni Tobias.
“Be…” tawag niya rito.
Pagkalingon nito sa kanya ay hinawakan niya ang mga kamay nito. Nagsisikip na ang lalamunan niya. Nag-iinit na rin ang mga mata niya at nahihirapan na sa pagbuga ng hangin.
“Be, wala na sina ser. Wala na sila, hindi na nila tayo magugulo.” ngiti niya rito. Namilog naman ang mga mata nito. Halata **** natuwa sa narinig.
“Tahimik na tayo, nay? Hindi na nila kakalampagin ang pinto natin sa gabi?”
“Hindi na siguro, anak. Makakatulog na kayo ng dire-diretso, pangako.” Sinapo niya ang mukha nito tapos ay matunog na hinalikan sa pisngi at noo. ‘Eto na ang matagal niyang pinapangarap na buhay para sa mga anak. Tahimik. Simple. Walang gulo.
“Kaso, ‘nak, kailangan kong sumama sa kanila.” Turo niya kayna Tobias. Nanonood lamang ito sa kanila. Hawak na rin ni Tobi ang backpack niya.
“May ginawa kasi si nanay, be. Para diretso na ang tulog natin at para di na tayo guluhin nina ser. Pramis ko naman sa’yo be, magsasama ulit tayo. Pangako. Bilangin mo ang tulog na hindi tayo magkakasama. Tapos pagbalik ko, hihigitan ko pa ‘yon ng maraming maraming tulog na magkakasama na tayo.”
“Nay…” nagtataka na ang itsura ng anak niya. Namumula na kasi ang mukha niya panigurado. Kakapigil na humagulhol dahil ayaw niyang magising ang dalawa pang anak.
“Anak parang ano lang ito…abroad. Diba may kaklase kang nasa abroad ang nanay? Doon din ako, be.”
Bigla ay nagtubig ang mga mata ng panganay niya. Malalaking butil ng tubig. Hindi niya alam kung naniniwala pa ba ito sa mga sinasabi niya, o kung naiintindihan na nito ang mga nangyayari.
“Itong bag ko, andiyan yung wallet at telepono ko. Diba matagal mo nang gusto magkaroon ng ganon, be? Iyo na ‘yan, basta dapat iingatan mo ha. Yung pera be, kay Tata Tobias mo ihahabilin. Habang nagtatrabaho ako, kay ‘Ta Tobi muna kayo.”
“Nay, hindi ka naman magtatrabaho eh.” Lumabi ang anak niya tapos ay tuluyan nang nalaglag ang luha.
Tinawanan niya naman ito. “Sira, magtatrabaho ako. Basta intayin mo ‘ko be ha? Kayo nina bunsoy ko, ha?” Hindi niya napigilang lambing-lambingin ito na parang batang munti. Kailangan ay sulitin niya ang pagkakataon.
Paulit-ulit niya itong dinampian ng maliliit na halik sa mukha, wala na siyang pakealam kung malasahan niya ang alat ng luha nito. Kailangan ay masulit niya ang natitirang oras.
“Nay, sama po ako. Sama kami ni bunsoy. Tahimik lang kami lagi, pramis, nay. Parang kapag andito si ser, hindi naman kami gugulo doon.” Tuluyan na ngang umalpas ang hikbi niya. Naalala niyang muli ang rason kung ba’t n’ya ito ginagawa. Para sa tahimik na buhay ng mga anak.
“Sus, maniwala sa’yo, be. Basta hintayin mo si nay. ‘Lika ***** tayo doon sa kwarto, magbabye ako kayna bunsoy.” Yakag niya rito. Sumama naman ito sa kanya habang nakayakap sa baywang niya. Humihikbi-hikbi pa rin ito habang naagos ang luha.
Tahimik niyang nilapitan ang dalawa. Kinumutan niyang muli ang mga ito at kinintalan ng masusuyong halik sa mga noo. Bata pa ang mga anak niya. Marami pa silang magagawa. Malayo pa ang mararating nila. Hindi tulad ng mga magulang nila, ‘yun ang sisiguraduhin niya. Hindi ito mapapatulad sa kanila ng mister niya.
“Be, dito ka na lang ha. Alis na si nanay. Alagaan mo sina bunsoy, be, ha. Pati sarili mo. Ang iskul mo anak, kahit hindi ka manguna, ayos lang kay nanay. Hindi naman ako magagalit. Basta gagalingan mo hangga’t kaya mo ha. Mahal kita, be. Kayong tatlo. Mahal na mahal namin kayo.” Mahigpit niya itong niyakap habang paiyak na binubulong ang mga habilin. Wala na ring tigil ang pag-iyak niya kaya agad na siyang tumayo. Baka magising pa ang dalawa.
Nakita niya namang nakaabang sa pinto si Tobi bitbit ang bag niya. Kinuha niya rito ang bag at sinabihang ito na ang bahala sa mga anak. Baog si Tobias at iniwan na ng asawa. Sumama raw sa ibang lalaking mas mayaman pa rito. Kagawad si Tobias sa lugar nila kaya sigurado siyang hindi magugutom ang mga anak niya rito. May tiwala siyang mamahalin ni Tobias na parang sarili nitong mga anak ang tatlo dahil matagal niya na itong nasaksihan.
Pagsakay sa sasakyan kasama ang dalawang pulis na kasama ni Tobias ay saka lamang siya pinosasan ng lalaking may burdang Corazon.
“Kilala namang sindikato yung napatay mo, ma’am. Kulang lamang kami sa ebidensya dahil malakas ang kapit sa taas. Kung sana…sana ay hindi ka nag-iwan ng sulat.”
“Nabuhay ang mga anak kong may duwag na ina, ser. Ayokong lumaki pa sila sa puder ng isang taong walang paninindigan. Pinatay niya na ang asawa ko. Dapat ay sapat na ‘yon na bayad sa utang namin, diba?” kung kanina ay halo humagulhol siya sa harap ng mga anak, ngayon ay walang emosyong mahahamig sa boses niya. Nakatingin lamang siya sa labas at tinititigan ang mga napapatingin sa dumadaang sasakyan ng pulis.
Kung sana ay hindi tinulungan ng mga nakatataas ang amo niya. Kung sana ay nakakalap ng sapat na mga ebidensya ang mga pulis na ngayon ay kasama niya. Kung sana ay may naipambayad sila sa inutang ng asawa niya para pambayad sa panganganak niya.
Kung hindi siguro siya mahirap, baka wala siya rito.

I fight for my village, I fight for the peace
Although in the real world, I never decease
I'm fighting like Madara, do it for the leaf
Forget Tsukiyomi, just go back to sleep
You sheep, believing the higher-ups, lie up their sleeves
Uchia have been dead yet still we lack peace

You hate me brother, yet deep in your heart
You couldn't defeat me even from the start
Your ideology, to **** and then rebirth? Where's the sense in that
You hate the leaf and you hate the fact
You needed them to build up, to be a shinobi
I see how you treat him, but can you trust Tobi

I did this for you, so hate me all you can
The reason you stand there's according to plan
I lived in the darkness so you guys could see
I always wanted this, I always believed

And if you must **** for it all to back
I hope you open up and stay on the track
Even the darkest shinobi have reasoning
Some call me a hero, yet some say it's treasonous

I think about Shino, we both were so young
My friend was a hero, his tale left unsung
Our eyes should see clearly, yet we have been blinded
Hatred and rage bind us, even we can't define it

Is it a curse to have all this strength
Yet death finds us open, leaves us with no suspense
Had it been the leaf to hunt for my head
Would it have been better, if it was them instead

I pray you may realise your curse is to think
To cut down the ninja, you don't even blink
They fear the Uchiha, our name is a swear
They treat us like dirt, yet here we still care

Maybe Naruto is the happiest of us all
To let go of hatred, to have a trust fall

You look up to me like I was your leader
You found a hollow husk and found you were eager

The eye is eternal, our lives are short-lived
We both signed the contract, what more can we give?
To see through the red, as our comrades bleed
To not even care, they fulfilled their needs

One day you'll be lost, stuck in your own beliefs
As someone takes away your life, such is a thief
If you can not see that I pray that you know
I've always wanted you to overtake me, bro

I'm the spark
That started
The fire when
The retirement
Home burned alive,
I'm the guy who
Sold the quarter
To Cianci's daughter
That bought her
A place
In that lake
Of boiling water,
I'm the knife
In the mugger's hand
That ended the life
Of a family oriented
American man
For an American Made
Minivan that was
Worth less than
A single grand,
I'm the hand on the arm
That held the pen
That signed the plans
To build the bombs
That were dropped
Upon Japan,
I'm the disease
That multiplied the cells
That sent Bukowski
Swearing
His way
Down
To Hell,
I'm the wind
That fueled the fires
When the towers
Fell,
I'm the blade
That took the sight
From Oedipus
When he took delight
In his mother's kiss,
I'm the cold
Air in an
Empty grave,
I'm the corner
Of the stove
On which you always
Stub your toe,
I'm the snow
That slicked the road
And sent your brother
Into reality's
Reunion show,
I'm the smoke
That filled the throat
Of a crying infant
And choked it
Into a memory,
I'm the repititious lie
That sent the witches
To burn alive
In Salem
And Spain,
I'm the trigger
On the gun
That blew the brain
Of Kurt Cobain,
I'm to blame
For the way *******
Destroys the lives
Of the otherwise sane,
I'm the voice
That told Sam's son
To wipe the smile
From America's fat face
While satisfying
Their perverted taste
For people dying,
I'm the nails
On the fingers
That Barkovitch
Used to scratch
The long-walk-itch
When he ripped
Out his own throat,
I'm the one
Who swung the vote
To elect a bush
As dumb as a goat,
I'm the bullet
That pierced
The vest on
Kyle Joe's chest
And laid him to rest
In Exeter,
I'm the snake
That charmed
The leaf
Right off of Eve,
The way that
Hemopheliacs
Bleed
And
Bleed,
The constant
Antagonist
You seem
To need.

Or maybe you're just in a
Bad mood, and I'm still the
Same dude who sat with you
While the three day fever
Ripped through your body,
Stroking your hair and
Wiping the sour sweat from
Your forehead while you
Hallucinated demons that
Emerged from your chest,
Slightly below your left
Breast, to fly in patterns and
Synchronized formations
Through the caverns of your imagination.

Maybe I'm still the guy who
Held you through the night
Your mother died, wiping
Every tear that you cried,
Spending that hour sitting
Outside while the jewel
Encrusted air surrounded us
Like a never ending chasm of
Golden despair, splitting
Myself like a uranium atom
For you to be warmed by the
Reaction inside.

Maybe I'm still the one you
Saw from across the smoke
Filled dive saloon with a pint
Of Harpoon, who saw you as
The only shining light in a
Darkened room, who talked
To you and told you stories
And complimented the
Sundress you bought off Tobi,
Even though you
Told me really,
The weather
Wasn't quite right for it.

Maybe I'm still the one you
Wake up to in the middle of
The night, sweat sticking us
To the sheets and each other,
Because the heat's been
Broken going on seventeen
Weeks and we fell asleep
Without opening the window again.

Maybe I'm still the man who
Makes you breakfast every
Morning so you can sleep in
A little bit, so you can read
The latest Dig with your
Coffee and cig before you
Head to the ******* lab that
Makes you feel sick twelve
Hours later, the man who's
Waiting at home after to
Listen to your complaints
About the day and say the
Things you want to hear

"You're totally right,
They're completely wrong,
I love you dear,
Your hair is a song
That fills the air
And fills my ears
And fills my stomach
With warmth and light"

Maybe I'm a fool.
Maybe people don't change,

Or maybe they do, overnight,
And I'm to blame.

Either way,
I still feel
The same
As when we took
The same last name
Ten years ago
Yesterday.

Reach to me anyway you can
Just say a word, just blink, or maybe hold my hand
If I close my eyes and breathe in, will I feel you next to me?
I want to feel you next to me.

Desperation during a break up. Because I was...
Always wanting, never accepting the love that was put in front of me
Complaining, sneering, grumpy
Analyzing faults, picking apart the insecurities of people while
Holding them close and loving them and being the best **** lover
Paranoia, nothing is ever satisfactory
The best **** lover.
I'm ******.

Tobi, wake up.
Leo, wake up.
Elliot, wake up.
Who the **** are you?
Confusion on who you are, where you are, what you are.
There is no gender identity disorder, but a disorder that makes me feel like
I was born into the wrong era, environment and world.

WAKE UP

I'm sorry's never travel long enough.
Perhaps hand written and sent with a stamp, would travel.
Neatly written, script font, seal the letter with a kiss and spray with your favorite perfume
The heavy sigh of "I didn't mean to hurt you", no spray can mask the guilt
Gulp
Own up to it.
You did it.
Now what?

Are you far away? I know you're close.
I've been drowning in a short empty sea of self loathing and self-deprecating *******
I could have made it up.
I could have made it up, to the top.

Waking up from a sleepless night, and not wanting to open my eyes.
Feeling a deep pain and regret within my chest as I take the first breaths of the day
No sunshine, no fresh air, only static within the sheets
Freezing cold
Always wondering, always wanting, never satisfied.

Where am I? Where are friends? What is a family? What is love again? Do I have a girlfriend?

It gets tiring after a while, to be this depressed
I don't want to die, I don't want to cut myself, I don't want a silly suicide note
Just listen to The Beatles "Help! I need somebody!"
Get up soldier, get in order. Chin up. Stop being a *******.

Relax, hold your head up. Keep going.
****
The first start is to say goodbye
and an eventual hello will come to you.

So much wrestling
it was only me I was jesting -
With the future unknown

The way I knew it
was a struggle to view it -
All that lay ahead

To let go of the fear
which always clung so near -
A concept foreign to me

But the freedom found within
and letting go of that sin -
Came from when to Trust I fled.

Sometimes I don't feel like I'm anyone's anything except maybe their problem
and I would give anything to gain the amount of love I give for others
My first steps were on eggshells, and I've been tiptoeing ever since
afraid of breaking the perfectly laid out path that was crafted of my own volition
I attempt to stomp on occasion,
but am met with glares in response to the sound

I want to be needed
but more than that I want to be wanted
and it's difficult for me to accept that
someone could want me in return

I've found people before who seem secure
yet every time the safety breaks and the steady smooth ride turns turbulent into a crash

I feel secure with you for now
our communication is clear and valued
but I can't help wondering how long this security could last
I doubt myself more often than not
I'm still waiting for the fall

Surrendering, letting go, making room and opening up to all the good to put in the space you just cleared.
You can't receive all your good if you keep your space, heart and mind, close off with stuff. you can't get the new, while you're holding on to the old....let go and make that room for all the good that is yours and waiting to shower down on you.
I remind myself of this fact, everyday. with this reminded, I choose to let go and open up to all the good in each moment.
LOVE YOU!!!!
'''''''
The process, feeling, emotions and sensations of change can be some ride but if just buckle up and throw you hands in the air and yell, weeeeeee. Those feelings, emotions and sensations will pass and you will have growth and be ready for the next experience. The on going process of Living a Wonderful, Great and Beautiful Life.
'''''''
taking time for yourself, being good to You, we all need this and should take the time to take care of us. Moving to the heart, opening the heart to yourself and it will open for others. Today, was a day for me and doing things that I need to do and find joy...all kinds of joy and happiness. Moving forward and enjoying my world, my life and knowing the same for all of you. take time for you, the silences, the joys, the happiness and let it flow out to others...It's all good, for the good and based in Love....Love Y'all!
''''''
Opening to the happening of the day. A day of Great Gratitude and joy for all the Good there is for us. No matter what experience is presented, I will learn and share that lesson with others. It is a Great day and I will stay in the awareness of it all.
spread the LOVE! Smile...it's easy!
''''''
Today during my reading of “the untethered soul” by Michael A. Singer, there were two things that got my attention and touched me:
“Change can be viewed as either exciting or frightening, but regardless of how we view it, we must face the fact that change is the very nature of life.”
…the other will follow in next post.
I felt that I had a handle on change and I do but it is continuous. I have to make conscious choices and stay aware that change is here and ain’t going now where. Let the energies of change continue the flow and work with the experiences don’t stop the flow. Let go of stuff and keep moving.
I was asked once, “do you ever take a breath?” Yes, all the time that is why I am where I am and say all that I say. It is during the breath, that the answers come and I have to let go of stuff and go with the breath and the answers.
LOVE, TRUTH AND A DEEP BREATH TO YOU!!!!
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Hello Darling!
I Am Still Here! There has been a lot going on in me, at time around me and all the time with me. Kicking off the summer in such a Great and Marvelous way, being able to share Love, Joy, Talent in such a Wonderful Celebration, just opened me up to soooooo much. But the ride took some downs but that’s is a Big part of the journey. The ups didn’t go as high as I want and the downs kept dipping lower. I had to work with it all… my way, I pulled back some, focus on me and the actions I had to take. The energies was very, very different but I stayed in that place, that part of my yard where the children of Love play.
I apology but did what I needed to do. I hope no one took it personally, it wasn’t, but I had to take care of me, to better take care of you. Even though things are still happening, I feel that I am moving forward, to better, brighter but I have to say; I don’t know where that is but I am going.
There are changes happening to me for me and I am open to it all. I am…will react to it for that place of Peacefulness, experiencing it all and letting go as it needs to go. One thing, from the whole spider bite thing, with the infection, when you stay aware and focus, all parts of healing can be felt…”the good and the bad feeling” and with my body doing its thing…I have to see where it leads. I took and I am taking all the actions that I’ve been told to do but I won’t know what it will look like until, it’s all done. I smiled, when I realize that is how all healing is: taking the actions needed and given, breathing deep because we won’t know What’s what, until the healing is done. But I can say…I Am feeling good, uncomfortable but good and I am Ready for the changes and the growth that comes with it all.
So, as I stand in Gratitude, Love, Joy, happiness and Truth…I know that I am moving forward and I Will Do My Best…Always doing my best, where I am, in the present moment. I will always give Love, accept Love and Be Love; as I continue on this, my journey. Thanks for being with me…being wonderful guides, understanding and knowing that, the choices are mine…
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I am in the middle of my 90 days in review leading up to my birthday. I look at where I am and where I've come from and celebrate them both. Yes, there might be a little pain but it's always a tons of joy. I don't know how I got started doing this and it's been going on for years now and I Love it. Because when I get to my birthday and the 30 days that follow, I celebrate ME and the light of moving forward. In this 90 days in review, I forgive a lot, me and anyone I think my have done me something. I remember that where I am, who I am and this present moment I am in, are all mine, it take total responsibility for all of it. I celebrate the awareness, the knowing, surrendering: letting go of stuff and opening up to all the joy and happiness in my life. I stand in, with and as GRATITUDE. I accept the Forgiveness and Open up to and for more. Staying in the flow of Source, the Oneness that we are, Individual expressions of source, working, living in the ONENESS OF SOURCE!
So for the next 60 days, I stand tall in/on my foundation of Love and Truth, the Love I share with all Y'all and always remember that we are One with, in and as Source.
Have a Wonderful Friday and a Great and Marvelous Weekend. Do the Good, be the Good, open up, give and receive the good. Your are the Greatness, in all this Goodness!!!!
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My 2010 find you wandering the streets of Life collecting Joy, Happiness, Prosperity, Love, Health and all the Good It has to offer. Knowing that the Light in You shines bright and that you Energy connects to All. Decide to Live your Greatness; It is your choice! Love You All!
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I have been thinking about what I wanted to say to all of you and the only thing that comes to mind is: THANK YOU! For being my friends, my family and the Love of my Life. I Thank You not only now at Christmas but always, present moment to present moment and each present moment is full of Love, Truth and the Freedom to be who we want to be. Thank You for letting me be me! WE SHARE THE GREATNESS! I LOVE YOU!
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A week before Christmas....Do you remember how you felt, as a kid, this time of year? I felt Good, Free, Happy and full of Love and nothing could change those Feeling and I knew It! I'm taking those Feelings Back!
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How Great is Great, When Great meets Great? To See Great...Look in the Mirror!!!! You are that Great!
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No matter how dark you think it is, there is always a Light...In YOU... head for it and Love the Journey!!!
LOVE is Great and I just can't get enough!
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accepting and releasing with understanding...Being Me that's what I got Me
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Up and getting ready to go make the coffee for the last time this year. Have a Wonderful, prosperous, Great - full and Loving New Year. Know that all that happens is really for our highest Good and Celebrate every step in your Life, big and small. Know that I will send you all the Love that I can and Know nothing but the best for U! GOOD MORNING BABE, IT'S TIME TO BE YOUR GREATNESS!
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No Matter where we are in our Life - riding the rollercoaster of Life with all of it' ups and downs, standing in silent breathing our songs, dancing to the joys of who we are...please know that the Light is always with you...in you...it is you....and me. Let us All Rise to the Greatness that We are and shine that Light....I rise, I rise and still I rise...
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How special the joys of Life, the things that touch our Heart. How a smile can Light up a day and keep us open and up for all the Good to come. Remember your smile is someones Light, share it and get more Light back, that's how it works....and so it is...Love and Smiles!
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What a Great - ful, Wonderful, Joyful day! Woke up to Tons-O-Love and now my face hurts from smiling so much. So, today is a Day to Smile and Share the LOVE! Working and making costumes....making money and being creative on my b'day and enjoying the Love. Thank U and Let the Celebrating began, I go until the 19th of Dec...I Love to Celebrate! OK, EVERYONE BIG SMILE AND LOTS-O-LOVE :-d
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"It doesn't have to be pretty it just has to be the right kind of ugly!"
CLASSIC! I overheard a dad say this to his daughter at the pumpkin
patch. It's only taken me 3 weeks to remember to post it! From my friend Tobi T, I Loved it so much I had to share! It's so True!!! Have a Great day and come over to NoHo tonight for the MADNESS!
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It's a Great Day.....Just let It Be and see where It Leads.........
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I Am feeling overwhelm today, not in a "bad" way but very full, feeling it all over. I think I will just leave myself open and work with It! It's a Good Day!

THIS HOUSE IS NOT FOR SALE

This house is not for sale-
beware of my kitchened wife,
beware of Emeka, my son
& Tobi, my Son-in-law;
even Musa, my gate man.
Everyone is a thief in his room,
everyone  is a saint outside his room-
Trespassers will be persecuted.
Behind the closed doors are unscripted scenes of scenery stones of miscreants
hanging their tainted memories on the
eyes of souls to take away their vineyard.
This land is not for sale,
Politicians are here;
*** bellied looters are here holding selfishness as the right hand of God.
Yesterday,
100 soldiers died laughing out their skulls-
the politicians keep mute hoping to see
the spirits of the soldiers  return home
to defend the country from buyers.
We are not selling this country to get paid, beware of 419-
This is military Zone,  keep off.
We are preserving  it in the stomach
of the Leaders.
How long do you hold your house in your body?
How long do you have to sell to make that profit that never existed?
From the fireflies of the boundless rainbows,
We would hold resistance of greed into being tying itself like the dog of wisdom.
This house is not for sale, buyers,  beware,
The C of O is with the righteous politicians,
God has learnt to save their tainted freewill  on his palms.
He could not find a way to punish them in hell anymore.
Do not allow other lips to hold onto this saying.
the road on the tongue of this house
has led me to places:
to be a politician & extort from the poor masses
& to lead them astray into oblivion of darkness.
Days are gone when we see moon in
the smile of the sun that peeps through
the window of this house...
Do not come home to this house anymore,
Its no longer has your loved ones in it.

©John Chizoba Vincent
#LiquidPoetry.

just
everything is so ******* immense,
and so ******* beautiful
that it aches
and I can’t comprehend the scale of Everything
and isn’t it so ******* wonderful that such tiny things give us so much joy
like **** there is a four line paragraph on the first page of Frankenstein and it speaks to me, it speaks volumes but it’s so small and it was written so long ago
but then also look at the people look at all the lives that are interlaced
and how the **** did I meet you? the chance of that is so minuscule but where would I be if i hadn’t?
and oh my god what else is there this universe is so ******* immense and past the clouds and past the stars, what is there?
isn’t the unknown so poetic, and stunning, and my god we know nothing
but
that makes everything so much more ******* beautiful,
doesn't it?