The fake solution
i found in the bottom of a bottle,
drowned all my pain
saying just one more swallow,
just one more hit,
just one last sniff,
and that will be it.
Ill stop tomorrow
or maybe the day that follows.
Everything i promised
turned to everything i lost.
All the things i had turned
into another bottle,
pill, or whatever would
erase the shame, and the pain
that made me feel so hallow.
I wanted to stop, its true i really did.
But spending even a minute
alone with my thoughts was
enough to try and bring
my life to an end.
Id lost her, my family,
even my own morals.
Lived with true demons
i led into my body
through a needle in my arm.
I considered sucide
and tried.
But for some reason
god wouldn't let me die.
I thought i was being punished,
forsaken and forgotten.
I was completely at my bottom.
I found myself half dead
in a hospital bed,
hearing my parents plead
"god please don't take away our child."
I couldnt show emotion
so i cried with a blank exspression.
How could i have forgotten,
i was loved.
I sat in that bed,
weeks turned into months.
I swore id never go back.
Id change for the ones I loved.
The day i got discharged
i found myself there looking at
the devil in the form of a pill,
i was ill i was sick.
I have a dieses with no cure,
and found myself
shaking and seizing
and it all re accured.
Back in the bed i lay for two days.
Found myself on a small plane
headed far far away.
On a pilgrimage of change.
It took a couple weeks
but i realized I'm lost,
I'm powerless and broken,
only one could change that now.
I turned to the sky and asked
what do i do.
He told me be willing
and it'll come to me soon.
I made new friends
and made steps in the right direction.
I havent looked back
not even for a second,
god saved my life
beileve it or not.
Now I'm approaching
9 whole months.
Gratitude keeps me hear
and god makes me willing.
So now my life can be fulfilling.