I'm dreaming of my darling Darling,
so fragile and insecure.
The meadows sway so softly for her,
as angels look on down.
The wisdom of a thousand ages
makes her forget her pain.
The shadows that surround her there
are whispering her name...

Shiloh.
You've found your peace at last.
Shiloh.
It happened all so fast.

Your love-rose has bloomed on this tower of thorns,
and your waiting time has passed.
The problem of trying to figure it out
has given way to love.

(bridge):
Sweet dreamer,
keep on dreaming,
close your little eyes.
Hey child,
save your blindness,
for the hardness of this world.
The sparkling stars cry tears of joy,
just catch them in your hand.
The butterflies will lift you up to the rainbow in the sky.

Shiloh- is where I build my home.
Shiloh- beside the quiet streams.
Shiloh- a symphony of beauty.
Shiloh- who can compare?
Shiloh- whenever you are there-
it's Shiloh.

(repeat bridge)

My world
My whole wide world
is burning just for you.
My world
My whole wide world
is turning just for you.
Shiloh- a symphony of beauty.
Shiloh- who can compare?
Shiloh- whenever you are there-
it's Shiloh.

Shiloh
In Hebrew " place of peace"
Didn't work out so
For brother Johnny or Uncle Reece
Nor many of Grant's Boy's in blue
Though now many a man
Does rest there in peace
On the field at Shiloh

r
Jun 9

I beat that ******* doctor to the ground today. I should have killed him. I wouldn’t even mind the blood on my hands. No, not one bit.
But Shiloh would be upset with me. I hated it when Shiloh was upset. When dad came home, Shiloh looked like he was about to cry. He was trembling. I hid him in the closet so he wouldn’t be beaten with me.
And then I’d smile at him to try and make the fear go away. But then one day, he smiled to me instead. He held my face in his palm and tilted his head. He took a deep breath…
…and he smiled.
“Just breathe.” He told me. “It’ll be okay.”
I remembered that when I was beating the doctor. I remembered Shiloh’s smile.
And I remember his tears, and shaking hands, and dark circles under his eyes.
Why. Why do I have to use ‘-ed’ in every sentence I say that has the word Shiloh in it?
Why do I have to use past tense now? I want to go back to using present tense. I want Shiloh back. He can’t be gone. There is no way he’s gone. Even this cruel God I keep hearing about wouldn’t do that!!
…right?
…An eye for an eye, and the world goes blind. I’m no better. I’m not a hero.
I’m just me.

Standing in the tunnel
at Eighth and Pine station,
I survey westbound commuters
waiting across the tracks  -
standing arms akimbo
or leaning on marble walls.
A well-suited young man paces the platform -
cell phone pressed to his cheek.

    [Passengers stand clear of the
    edge of the platform at all times]

Rushing in from the east,
a gleaming white chariot
arrives - pauses - resumes
leaving the far platform vacated
as if by alien abduction

From the left a blazing light
pierces the  tunnel
and the Shiloh – Scott eastbound
halts and snaps open its doors.
crossing the threshold.,
I claim a seat by the aisle.

    [Please stand clear! Doors are closing]

With eyes half shut I scan the crowd:
uniformed workers wearing ID's,  
a toddler’s arms and legs
dangling off his mother's lap,
An elderly couple talking softly.

The soft clatter of wheels
and the gentle side-to-side sway
rocks us like a cradle -
memories of the long day
melting into thoughts of home.

    [Fairview Heights Station.
    Doors open to my right]

The lady with the toddler steps off.
A trio of teenage girls
fresh from the mall
seek and find empty seats -
filling the rear of the car
with the music of their chatter.

Streetlamps scatter shadows
over parking lots.
The unseen country side
slips by under cover of darkness.
Headlights gleam like jewels
waiting for crossing gates to lift

    [Next stop Belleville Station
    Doors open to my left]

I clutch my lap top,
work my way to the door
and wait for the train’s full stop

Stepping out into the frost filled air
I pause to watch the sleak white chariot
vanish on the eastern horizon.

September,  2006

Tra la la...Tra la la...
La la la...la la

[Verse 1]
Hey!
Vexation of spirit is a waste of time
Negative thinking, don't you waste your thoughts
Verbal conflict is a waste of word
Physical conflict is a waste of flesh
People will always be who they want
And that's what really makes the world go round
Unconditional love is scarce
("Till shiloh I shall not forsake thee")
Now and forever more
Forever more, forever more...
YEAH!

[Chorus]
You see, you gave precious life to me
So I live my life for you...You...
You see, you've always been there for me
And so i'll be there for you...You...
("Till shiloh I shall not forsake thee")

[Verse 2]
Bless your eyes and may your days be long
May you rise on the morning when His kingdom come
Good deeds aren't remembered in the hearts of men
(.....Oooooooh)
Bless your eyes and may your dreams come true
May you rise on the morning when Jah kingdom come
Good deeds aren't remembered in the hearts of men
("Till shiloh I shall not forsake thee")
Now and forever more
Forever more...

[Chorus]
You see, you've always had faith in me
And so i'll have faith in you...You...
You've always been there for me
And so i'll be there for you...You...

Hey!
You've always been good to me
Even when i'm not good to myself
You've always been fair to me
Even when i'm not fair to myself
You've always done right by me
So I will do right by you...You...
("Till shiloh I shall not forsake thee")
You've always been there for me, mama
So i'll be there for you, papa
You've always been fair to me, brother
And so i'll be fair to you, sister
You've always had faith in me
And so i'll have faith in you...You..

You've always been good to me
You've always been to kind to me
You've always stood up for me
You've always been there for me
You've always been...oooooh
You've always been...oooooh
You always did care for me...yeh
You always did share with me...yeh
You always been true to me
And so i'll be true to you...

More lyrics: http://www.lyricsmania.com/thereforyoulyricsdamian_marley.html
All about Damian Marley: http://www.musictory.com/music/Damian+Marley

If I had my druthers, I’d live on an honest to goodness dude ranch in Missoula, Montana, with my very own horse named Shiloh, which if you didn’t know means peace in Hebrew and Shiloh would be pure black, a shiny polished granite coat, a silky mane, a tail swishing forth then back and with a slight and definite nod of her majestic head this magnificent animal would manifest unconditional love throughout the land.

And my life would be lived alongside Shiloh, caring wholly for her, offering juicy apples, grooming her with love and in every single nurturing moment I would learn to care more, later, atop Shiloh, on sunlit path, as she gives a vigorous shiver to shoo a fly off her ****, straight away all of humanity would feel, appreciate the sanctity within the seen and unseen, never again to doubt the sacredness of this amazing life.

Then, on the widening path, as passion arises inside Shiloh, her head high, she yanks the reins, eager to gallop, to be wild, to be free, her smooth gait quickening, scattering birds from treetops,
her snort a glorious trumpet, my legs upon her rigid withers, her hooves pounding the earth, hurling forth holy reverberations beyond the sun, the moon, into the eternal darkness sending compassion throughout the universe again, and again, and again.

Dec. 25
Today is the day I follow Shiloh. I quit my job at the bakery, and I gave the cash to a charity. I’m done here. I’m finished. There’s no ‘unfinished business.’
I’m ready.
I stand atop this bridge now. Hoping maybe you’ll listen. Understand why I did this. Not that you’ll care. We haven’t talked in years. But I have to tell someone, and you’re the only one I thought of.
I don’t want to be known as ‘selfish’ for this. I want people to understand. I can’t do this without him, you know?
So I won’t. I won’t do anything without him.
I think I need to die now because I know it’ll be better than this purgatory we call home.
Honestly, I don’t want to die.
I think I just don’t want to be alone.
And I sure as hell don’t want Shiloh to be alone, either.
The air is emptier without his laugh, and it is painful to sit here in this new silence and long for the music to start again, and for the disc to spin again, even if it means going round and round for many more years…
…for at least we would be moving, and Shiloh would be laughing here on Earth… And not only in Heaven.
But I am grateful that we loved him well. And that we miss him well.
But now, we grieve in silence. Yet, not without his presence.
I miss him so much. So, so much. It hurts. And I can’t hurt this much any longer. I’m sorry, I just can’t. I can’t take it. I wanted a romance, not a tragedy.
I just… Shiloh was so good at telling me what he wanted. He threw fits when he didn’t get the remote for the video game console when I died, he would jump on my shoulders and whine. I’d sigh and give it up.
He wasn’t great at showing me what he loved, though. He’d always hide or try to evade things when we got on the conversation of likes and dislikes.
I wonder… Who was I to him?
Kodes.
I’m Kodes.
He’d laugh with nana when she called me Buggy, though. I’m Kodes, but sometimes I’m Buggy.
As cheesy as it sounds, I really… I really thought I’d be alone for the rest of my life. But then he came along. I was on the ground at a playground when I was seven.
I had been pushed to the floor by a few kids from my school.
But I looked up, and I saw an angel. And he reached his hand out to me, and I took it. And this angel seemed to be the solution to everything. I never expected him to stay as long as he did. He even kept coming back after the first time he saw my dad.
So I kept hiding him in my closet.
And he kept coming back. He always came back.
Once, he tried to run away. I was the first person he ran to when he decided to come back. He ran to me and cried into my shoulder. And I didn’t mind the snot one bit. He always came back.
But he’s not coming back this time.
Umm… Also, just something I’ve been thinking about… Uh, call me crazy, but… I think he did it on purpose. I think he went in there knowing he was probably going to die, and he wanted that… Um... I think he was thinking, “Oh, look, a perfect chance!!” Like, a rescue mission with a side of suicide?? I don’t know, I’m probably overthinking it, it’s just…
I loved him. It was more than love. Beyond love. I went beyond and I lost it all.
I think that angel of mine has decided it’s time for him to go home. And it’s devastating, but I just hope things will be better for him up there. The love of my life. I just hope he finds peace.
I am so happy for him. I am. But I don’t think I’m ready to do this without him. And so, I won’t.
Anyways… you heard about my story. You heard about what I knew about Shiloh’s story. I’m done here.
Goodbye, Jennifer. I just want you to know it wasn’t your fault, okay?? Mom and dad were bad, alright? It’s not your fault. My dying wish is for you to stop blaming yourself to what happened to us. You’re young. You’re my little sister. You weren’t responsible for what they did.
You shouldn’t have felt obligated to care for me. No matter what, I’ll always be with you.
I love you, Jenny. Don’t miss me too much. You’re all grown up now!! You can do it without me, okay?
So… “Goodbye, cruel world,” and everything.
Sayonara, and I hope you might understand.
And I hope I’m not called selfish.
…even though I deserve it.
Oh!! I am donating everything you find that belonged to me, but you can’t take the rabbit. And you better not touch my copy of To **** a Mockingbird.  

Sincerely,
Your Best Big Brother
P.s. Do me a favor.
Don’t hold anything back. Don’t make the same mistake I did.
Moral of the story, and all.