My need to belong
To finally trust
With my dark secrets
I'm Assured

My armor starts peeling
Layer by layer
Thick armored skin
Weeks into months
Time passes by
She cradles my soul
Metal ashes fall
Still protection remains
To her dissatisfaction
She carefully skins
My final coat
Reluctantly
I concede to her
A first in my lifetime

My naive vulnerability
Fully EXPOSED
I finally silence
My overwhelming past
She can't see me purely
Simply glimpses
Of my essence
TOXIC I am not
She must be delirious

Appearing to wrap
Her loving arms around
With her hollowed pillows
And paper blankets
Blind-folded as I allow her in
Not seeing her game
She covers me up
In a plastic bag
I open my eyes
Little too late

She confiscates my armour
Keeps it for herself
She squeezes and suffocates
Leaving me in
REJECTION

Out by the street
Stuck inside this sack
Months go by,
Isolated and CONFUSED

Until I smell her approach
She opens the bag
With pensive eyes
She puts her hand out
I reach up
Immediately freezes
In a blank stare
Her hand lets go

In crushing shame
Seals me up
Using CRAZY glue
I can't escape
LEAVING ME
On the side of the curb
Wondering what I did wrong

I can't help but notice
Down this street
I'm not the only debris
She threw away
Useless NONEXSISTENT
To her we still remain

© Jl 2015

I never knew what loneliness was until I your cure for it
you detached me from identity
you dismissed me from a capaticy to feel and ignored that I ached for you
ached to love you with my faceless face
ached to love you with my body that you made mechanical
ached to love you with my soul that you denied, refused, dismissed, me of having
your intentions blurred me into nothing and you say that that was not your intent
but why do you take me like you mean to write me into poetry but then erase my essence off your pages
you are a black hole diminishing me into an abyss of your neglect, and rejection so I am ceaselessly falling into your darkness and not your love

to love you with all my exsistencne nonexsistently
I alway love with all my exsistence nonexsistently

I am alone in my accidental purpose and reasons and secrets and confessions and everything unspoken
i want to be silence to you
the silence that echos with words and feelings that exsist but remain nonexsistent
and i ache to love you with my voiceless voice but whats the use in emphasiszing my insanity by speaking aloud to myself?
so ill stay consumed in thinking to myself thoughts meant for you deprived of meaning by you

I've been alone in love every time I've loved
and alone I love more
but i've never felt such utter loneliness before as you keep a memeory but forget me within it
fade me into insignificance so my name is a word and not a meaning, not a nickname for my essence but remembered as just a presence
a witness to you breathing-dissolving myself into your inhale and vanishing as you expel me with your exhale

i look into your eyes like i look into a mirror
trying to see myself inside but being nothing more than a surface reflection

i never understood lonliness until i felt yours
the disconnect as our eyes connected
the detachement as our hands attached
the distance as our lips met

never have I felt so far when being so close
never have I craved so much an intamacy that will never be intimate
never have I felt love in being so unloved

before i was alone but did not feel the pain of solitude
before i was in solitdue but did not feel the hurt of being alone
now i'm in a lonely love for you
and i'm addicted to the nothingness you make me
but i wish you loved me into something
i wish you loved me

Life is an exile, a journey to a nonexsistent home