Where am i ?
                 What i'm doing here ?
I'm looking through my shadow
                 But what do i see ?
Black soul , maniac thoughts
                 How am i still living ?
I'm "almost" destroyed mentally
                  Physically strong as rock
Why can't i control myself ?
                  I'm so insecure , immature
I'm having Schizophrenia
                  Dementia praecox
Fundamental derangement of my mind
                  Probably caused by an emotional disorder
Emotional illness affecting in my personality
                  I'm Neurosis , Neurasthenic
Nerve dysfunction  


                 I'm walking away
To forget all this pain
                 To walk and never get back
Part of my body already dead
                 I don't know if i'm going to survive
From this midlife crisis
                This is nothing that elapsed
I'm sure it's just the beginning of hell
                 Half spent
Not much left
                 That's how it used to be
That's how it going to be
                Struggling with desease
Smiling is hard but easy
                As much as slutty
Psychotic confession
                Irritability

You are my soul mate, there are many like us
But this one is ours,  My soul mate is my best friend she is my life
Without me my soul mate I she useless without her I am useless
I will treat my soul mate right, I will be your shelter your armor your strength
I will be your sword your protector your shield
I will learn your weaknesses your strength your dreams your desires and your fears
I will ever guard you against the ravages and trials of this world I will
We will become part of each other, we will
I will slay every dragon I will clear every obstacle
I will pick you up when you fall, take care of you when you fall ill
I will be your strength when you are weak
When you cannot continue I will carry you
When you  are sick I will care for you
When you cry  I will whipe away the tears
I will sacrifice all to have you at peace
When our children are hurt I will heal them
I will be strong enough for the both of us
May you not want while I am with you
When there is work to be done I will do it
I will be the wind beneath your wings
I will be at your back every step you take
I will miss you when you are afar
You will be in my heart forever and always
We will give each other names which we only call each other
We will know each other through body and soul
I will know your wants needs dreams and desires
I will be the man of your dreams
I will give you all your heart desires and needs
I will give my all and ask for nothing in return but your love
My love is unconditional
Through sorrow and desease
Through wrinkles and baldness
My love will never end even after breathe lives my body
I will not let you give up on yourself even when you feel like you cannot continue
Our lives will be entwined and ever seamless
There is nothing we together  cannot accomplish
We were destined
Our lives are written in the stars
We will be together one day
And that day will be the beginning of our beautiful lives together
God has brought us together and nothing can break us
Theses things I promise to you and to you alone for all time


Before God I swear this creed my soul mate and I are the masters of our future we are the perfect match we are opposites we complete each other, So be it for the rest of our days until eternity embraces us and there is no one else but us.

It wasn't like in the movie
Time didn't stop
No music played
when you walked into to my life
I wasn't blinking
for a split second can't be missed

I had a hard time deciding
where I sit
when I sit with you
cuz I wanted to watch you eat
and I wanted you beside me at the same time

My sister said "yes, your heart skipped a beat
but it isn't a heart desease,
cuz boy, you are in a much bigger trouble"
And I didn't get what she said
No one told me what's it like being in love

But I sat in the middle of the night,
writing poems about you
I was listening to songs
every single one dedicating to you
and every pretty thing I saw
reminded me of you

I never missed to smell your hair
I would kiss your hand at every chance
Every joke was to make you smile

Now I see you in the smoke I blew outside the window
Years ago, if someone told me about this
I would mock at them,
saying "move on, don't make it big a deal"
Now it is two years later,
my hands on the letters,
pressing one by one as I'm thinking of you
and one by one, the moments reappear
I still feel you all over me, touch by touch
but we've walked away from each other, step by step
I have to admit that tonight I moved one inch back to you
and I think I've been doing this inch by inch
but when I look around,
I'm in the same place as the last time I checked
when I thought I walked away


I might've chuckled dryly at the irony
I was right where I left you,


Right where I left you.

bitter isn't something you taste
it's the feeling seeping onto your tongue,
the desease that makes you want to shut your eyes
and pull the universe by it's threads:
twine it around your fingers like a kite
and pull, watching it plummet, the magic broken
everything unwound

i'll write you a poem  ,not because i want the poem
but because i want the poem removed
like cancer ,like a tumor
                     it consumes me ,slowly

i draw in ink through my eyes ink  through my eyes.
desperation   thick in my veins
    'get it out'    it consumes me;
there is a poem inside me;
               ,i need it out
it is as
  a desease;it affects
  ;every aspect of my mind
it will not sleep
it does not sleep when i sleep
it consumes me it whispers it screams;
         'let me out'
and i pull the ink
                            through my eyes
put the pen to my page,
tear 'poetry' out from my mind
and lay it down in all honesty
to die

thrown to the relentless;
truth, and the critics
          the poem will die
          no deeper meaning
the addiction returns;
there is a poem inside me;

i need it out,
it consumes me.

I remember when this world was formed.

I danced with the sun and you danced with the moon
and the stars danced around this newborn
celebrating her beauty and magnificence.

The sun glowed through my skin
projecting streams onto the Himalayas.
The red became blue and pure
as the dusty water creeped
through granite ledges and Crushed ice-bergs.

Our hair soaked with dew glided with the wind
and planted into the earth spreading our life
your beauty and my strength.

The song you sang made beings rise from clay to hear your wonder.

I remember your sorrow when the killing began,
my rage was a desease infecting them with blood lust.

That terrified time your cancer formed from thier smoke,
their hatred, their hardness.

Were the tears for them for me too?
The offspring I tainted with sorrow?

Tommorow I will burn them with vengeance for my guilt,
I will ******* them and remove thier sustainence!

Stay my hand my love,
I still love my broken children.
Soothe me with your music
may we be happy once again.

did you here
the sky cry
it roared its voice asking us why we are killing her
the sky cut open with white lights
trying to show us how she hurt
The trees swayed back and forth waving there arms to get our attention
did we listen
no..
did we here her
no..
so she faught back
infernos blazed our homes
tornados blew our belongings away
just like her lungs were polluted
with our toxins
she fought back
washing away our lives
to dance with the fishes
She opened up her skin
and shook our souls
she knew one day we might listen
shes growing tired
shes growing angry
will we stop
will we cease
eventually
we are a desease
and her natural forces are the vaccine
will we win
no
will she yes

In the mean time
while it's raining in my head
I will blanket the only stars that lit in your sleep at night
beacause in my nights were restless in all my troubled worries of your burning sun
In the mean time
I will hide what I could not hold back from you all these times
... love
Where I can bring my worth up to strangrh
turn the pages and scibble about some kind of "grattitude" and other beautiful things that I can find
other than scribbling about heart aches and heart breaks of you
In the mean time
I will keep on going on with a weary head dugg down in the gutter somewhere wishing you can suffer all emotions suffered and transffer them unto you
In the meant time I will do the ******* do's and throw away the do nots so I may be at peace with myself
In the mean time when you search for me again like you normal had done before my gesture will change about you in that time
In the meant time I will hate in order to love again
but not for you
In the mean time men will swander compliment of taste of me while I suffer loyalty of mind, body, thought, and heart of you
In the mean time I will dissapoint God by doing my own will as to drowning in strong drink just to have the strength to finally drop you
In the mean time I will confide in air and space to cry and ache and toss and turn to cure this desease
which is you
In the mean time I will learn to forgive how you laughed at me because "I ain't ****" and for threatning to get another ***** at me.. what?!! just for ******* loving you?
so in the meant time...
in the mean time
I pray that God will help me through this burn
because I am so tired
of loving you.

© S.T. Rebel of Eden