Heal me preacher
Do what you can
Heal me preacher
I'm a godless man
Heal me preacher
Deliver me from sin
Heal me preacher
Make me new again
Hear me preacher
I cry in my sleep
Hear me preacher
Listen to me weep
Hear me preacher
I shout your name
Hear me preacher
I scream in pain
Help me preacher
I've lost my way
Help me preacher
I'm dying today
Save me preacher
I hold out my hand
Save me preacher
No one else can

The Preacher comes to visit us
A dozen times a week.
He comes so bless-ed often,
And Lordy does he speak!
At night or noon or morning
You’ll likely find him there;
Screaming out his warning
Astride the Preacher’s Chair.

The Preacher’s Chair is empty
When the Preacher ain’t around.
Grandpa used to sit there
‘Fore the Preacher came to town.
But the Preacher’s got the recipe
For emptying that seat –
Don’t tell the Preacher ‘bout your sins,
He knows when to repeat!

The Preacher talks to Jimmy –
How he lectures to that lad!
Tells him that he’ll go to Blazes
‘Cause he’s been so bad.
But Mama thinks that Jimmy,
He’s been good beyond compare.
And someday when the Preacher’s gone
He’ll fill the Preacher’s Chair.

The Preacher’s Chair is gone now,
But it’ll soon be back.
The Preacher still comes all the time,
And Lordy does he yack!
Now when the Preacher needs to sit,
He can do it anywhere.
‘Cause Jimmy spread a *** of glue
Upon the Preacher’s Chair!

I fell in love with you because you told me that it would be okay
plus you said you wanted to be a preacher so
I just knew I could believe what you promised

it was so great, I swear

you said you loved me on our second date because I was
unlike any girl you'd ever met and you
wanted me forever and always
and you were gonna be a preacher and you prayed for me
and I really really believed you

God, I was in love

it happened so fast and it was long distance
not like from here to Boston but
two hours was kind of far and I
asked you to prom on your birthday
it was so great, like something off of Pinterest
it was a scavenger hunt with dragon ***** all over campus
and yeah I was in high school and you were in college so
it was kind of lame but you said yes I was going to get
a pink dress and you wanted suspenders and
it was so great

but

what kind of future preacher starts to ask for
pictures of me naked I know
they only last for ten seconds but I didn't want to
but you said you loved me and you wanted to be a preacher
so I believed you and in retrospect I should
have thought things through but you only asked that once
at first and then dropped it so we were fine and
you were sweet and God, you were so handsome
I was in love and it was great

but

then on your birthday you were nineteen and wanted something special so
I bought you cream soda and balloons though
you wanted something that you'd remember forever
you took my hand and told me what you wanted and
I was shocked because I thought you wanted to be a preacher
and yet you told me how badly you wanted me to get undressed
and to give you something you'd never forget
you treated me like a ***** but I was still in love with you
because you promised and I really believed you
cause I loved you and you said I could trust you

then

at twelve on a school night you called my phone
and woke me up, I was so happy to hear you though
because I loved you and you said I was special
and you make me feel so warm inside
and then you sighed
and broke up with me over a phone call
I cried and yelled because I was upset
and you put me through hell but I loved you
so I didn't eat for a few days
and you texted me saying that you were praying for me which
makes sense because you said you wanted to be a preacher

you manipulative ****

I forgot about you and tried to move on with
a fling with a guy who gave me his number while
I was a cashier at the grocery store
and he and I had fun but
he wasn't you
you were in Philly for the summer
spreading the word of Gods love
and then you called me
and told me that you still loved me and begged for
forgiveness and I made you cry but
decided to give you another shot

that didn't work

because you made me think I could trust you again but
I wasn't the only girl who you were calling
and I can't believe you were lying to so many people
while you were on a mission trip
I thought you wanted to be a preacher but
you're a liar

so now we go to the same college and

guess what you're the preacher for the
college ministry which is so funny because
every time you get up to preach and people say you're a great man
I laugh because I've seen you naked
and no one knows the real you that's
not a preacher but I know
and your new girlfriend does she know that
when I first moved here you were texting me behind her back
trying to hook up with me
no I bet she doesn't because you're
real good at keeping secrets
aren't you, preacher
well I've caught on to all your tricks and I'm happy to say that
I'm done with you for good and

now, finally

I don't believe you
and I sure as hell don't need you