you
     non-
colonizer

friend, companion, self-intellectualizing

non-
      colonizing
colonizer

who loves, cares, hurts
              [ me ]

lays an offering
of violence
                  at
                     my
                         feet

non-
     colonizing
colonizer

this is how you love
           [ me ]

It isnt fair

that you should end up sleeping with the boy who boldly but secretly, confusingly just needed access to your bed
that the vague notion of your missing friends is actually a blatant  chastisement about your social misdemeanor
That you should feel the urge to withdraw from any and all recreational opportunities because you can already tangibly feel the distressing friction between every differing fiber between both your brain and theirs
It isnt fair that you should be so clever, and resourceful but exposure of such elaborate operations will only occur outside all traditional institutions in the privacy of an empty audience
It isnt fair that you have unknowingly began a retreat from life and dinner with your family to find some solstice from a muddling indigent existence that requires you to obsess over trivial details just so you dont miss the rare gratifying hints of a walking compliment
It isnt fair that you'll say yes to anything you haven't learned from life experience to not want
and it isnt fair that one disadvantage should create others by consequence and default
It isnt fair that my adult facade should restrict my child appropriate responses and its public unrest
or for my simple unique characteristics to ooze the paint for which they'll use to commit my image to memory for the entire school.
I'll have to learn to put up with the eggshells that grind into the soft ***** of my feet when I blindly interact with other expressionless but feeling, thoughtless but intellectualizing people
and it isnt fair for my mortified laugh to be chastised

Paint the Earth
And the moon
Give it texture
A random monsoon

Make a baby
Take a breath
Sit back, let chance
Control the rest

Carve a basin
River beds
Give emotion
As a test

Beast of burden
Wild to tame
By intellectualizing brain

...Just hold it in your *****
with a wish of end delights...

...Or tear it all to pieces if it dies...

Turtleneck days.
Red and gold autumn in the quad.
Coffee house intellectualizing,
Song and poetry open mic with 3 cord guitar.
Passing a joint in the alley.
Greeting the dawn on the floor of an overcrowded 3 story walk up.
Where has it gone?
A soft contented sigh crosses my chest,
As she stubbed the last embers in the empty breakfast dish,
And sunk deeper into the bed.
Her head nestled on the pillow,
Her face framed in salt and pepper silken curls.
She stretched out her arms and *******, still round but softer peeked over the sheets.
I lowered to her lips,
A soft moist whisper at my ear,
Where have they gone indeed?