I'm falling into the deep end,
That dark place that floods me
Over and over till I'm drowning
And I just float, float, float.

I'm overthinking; the thoughts won't stop,
Trapped in the prison of my own head
Crying over the sink every night
Letting tears float, float, float.

I'm in over my head, drowning,
But I'm fine—not struggling, right?
I'm stuck in a bubble I didn't create
So I just float with the crowd, numb inside.

So insecure that it's funny;
So used to feeling this bad,
I think I might be going insane,
As I float, float, float.

Where are all my friends?
Loneliness creeps in again,
The water's turning red—they don't care
If I float or if I fall.

And I fall, fall, fall,
Feeling alive as I fight for my life,
I can't escape from this riptide
So I float, float, float.

Watch me drown in these waves,
Don't know if I can make it back
To the surface, I'm gasping for air
As I float, float, float...

There are so many of us
And when I met the first of us before I knew I was one of us
I though
"**** this person got the unluckiest thing ever"
And I though I would help her and that would be that
I was innocent and I thought this was an uncommon case
And as I grew up became smarter
I met more
And more of us
And we are not uncommon
But we are all ****** up
And I wish I could go back to being so innocent and ignorant
And noq I know we are real
And im one of us
And I struggle
As we all do
But now we have two options
We have jumped into a raging river
And we can choose to float and enjoy the ride until we drown
Enjoying sweet blissful pain
Or we can swim and fight against the current
Never give up and use everything we have to survive
And its not easy
If it were we wouldnt struggle
But know this that you might hate yourself but you love others who are swimming with you
And if they see you float they will be discouraged
And they will float
And sooner rather than later everyone will be floating
Dying a sweet death
But hating yourswlf even more because you let them float
You said its ok to float
So they listened and they died
So know this you can float or swim
I love the rest of us
So I will swim because I hate myself but will not let the others die
So float or swim
Which is it

This time of year always
brings the memories.
Here they float
to find me in my melancholy
evening hours.
Float, days gone by.
Float.
Snow, four or five feet deep,
walkways carved into
city sidewalks and streets
and dreams of Americana
countryside livin' carried on
radios tucked into our
windowsills in front of the
frosted glass world we
could almost make out.
Float, ancient melodies.
Float.
I sat under an umbrella
in the rainy season,
feet dangling from the edge
of the fire escape, toes
just about grazing the surface
of the rising flood water.
Escaping into comics about
heroes living in our city
and always wondering why
they never came around
our neighborhood.
Float, my childhood heroes.
Float.
Suddenly suspended in nothing
I am afraid of that
ship, of those memories.
I swerve my head
trying to steer away.
So anxious I become
conscious of the weight
(Of the wait)
and worry that I'll sink.
I breathe slow. I blink.
There in the distance...
Here you float
from somewhere deep down
and long, long ago:
A blanket laid against the
scratchy roof surface
our backs to hell, our
eyes to the bursting explosions
of color against the night sky.
Our beating hearts beating,
for one night only,
for each other.
Your hand finds mine
and my face is hot
and I'm unable to look
at you, but you are all
I want to see.
Float away, love.
Float.