there's always that trailing off i get when i write,
oh god, whiskey is a ******...
it drags you like a mermaid to the depths,
i start to feel an anchor in my mind
even though my heart is steady-numb...
and i evidently become slightly dyslexic...
but hey! what can you do:
either drink and be miserable,
or drink and unfold with terrible spelling at
the end of a session... and feel shame the next
day, having seen the outpouring
from the previous night...
better still... i could recommend tending to
a small vine-patch...
and like me: taking a break from whiskey once
a year and drinking your own produce...
unless of course you have a local turkish shop
nearby that sells out-dated beer
at half the price... let me tell you:
that's ****** marvelous... nothing like
out-dated beer... it's right up there with the rollercoaster
and the kick! my my! it's so sudden...
but it hits the spot,
all the disorientative effects of mushrooms:
without excess Dali lodged in your eyes...
so yeah, out-dated beer... double the trip...
but today is different, i have about 30 litres of
home-made wine just ready to be drunk,
i've downed one bottle and i'm running
errands with the next... but i'm not miserable
in that i'm washing away my sorrows...
the funny thing about making your own wine
is that once you drink it: you celebrate...
you start to think about all the effort you put
into making it... how you picked the grapes from
the vine, how you squashed the grapes,
how you stood bedazzled by melting sugar
in a little bit of water over the stove
(and how it started looking very much like
heavy water, or mercury, but see-through) -
and how you sniffed the stench of yeast,
and then waited for a month or so for the ****** thing
to take up strength...
and now you're drinking it...
oh yes... wine in essex is very much
agreeable... and my my: i am really celebrating this
endeavour... it's not as fake as going to the shop
and buying a bottle of wine... i am drinking
my own work... i am celebrating, there's no god
or omen in the world that can tell me otherwise...
i waited a year for this, well: two...
i don't know what happened last year, i mistimed...
the grapes froze, there was a sudden surge of frost
and i was really upset because of it, 2 years ago
i was drunk like a skunk for several days
and wrote some poems in between,
and put my own wine on the christmas table,
but since i was ****** for so long, i could only
showcase one bottle...
well they do say there are spirits out there,
and i must say: wine, esp. your own really is
the veritas, as the saying goes: in vino veritas...
bring it back to whiskey, or Ms. Amber as i like
to call her... she's not sour, and she's pulverising,
so she's no friend of the tongue... in case you're wondering
i'd like to call herr goebbels right now...
but can you feel a shame of having misspelled a word
drunk, because your hands started to feel
a bit like a daddy longlegs with one or two legs missing?
in terms of the keyboard...
what are the prime digits?
right hand: ******* - ****! now my hands feel conscious
of me talking about them...
middle and thumb (for the spacebar) -
index finger for the opening bracket (
pinky finger for the enter button -
to make room for the next line -
which makes me wonder about my left hand,
it would appear that i'm left handed when before
the keyboard -
the main provocators are the index
middle and... surprise surprise! the ring finger!
the left hand thumb sometimes does
use the space bar also...
the the right hand ring finger is hardly used...
i remember watching my doctor type at a keyboard once...
a bit like a crow pecking... it went like this:
index (right) index (left)
index (right) index (left)
index (right) index (left) - it was agony...
it was a bit like standing at a supermarket cashier with
an old lady in front of you, buying butter and milk
and talking for an hour while counting her change...
ageism? no! just your typical life-bound comedy of
how the stats stack... we spend this many years in traffic...
and my, the hand thing...
yep, next thing you'll - aha! there is the ring-finger
utility in the right hand after all - it comes with words
that come shortened, i.e. you'll... the ' mark,
and also the backspace button...
i was going to say: (the shift button?
pinky owns it) - as the great kabbalists have this fetish
of looking at your hands, it's worthwhile to note down
this geography of the keyboard...
they'd just point at the indententions of the hand
and spew words out like: girdle of venus...
malkhut (silent h) -
which brings to mind:
we already know the name is silent,
since you might be served an indian dish called
dhal... and in fact you would be served such a dish,
but you'd only say you ate daal... or dāl...
then again that's also true with the pedant puritan
who'd note it as: dhāl... which is funny that this isn't
merely coincidental... a language that doesn't
use diacritical marks, and has a third arm sticking out
of it in terms of what letters remain silent (but are
inserted into words nonetheless), and a concentration
of the same rubik's "cube" akin to y and w...
y and i are so close! you can almost feel them pushing
together, or giving birth to something!
why?! why?!
(insert snigger)... drunk humour:
it gets the better of me sometimes...
so yes, that thing about kabbalists and the hand thing,
other words could be included, like: keter,
bina(h), gevura(h),
strangely enough Hod... tiferet (what a beautiful word),
yesod.... chok(h)ma(h)... chesed...
netzach! hey! surfing u.s.a., i think i'll bring my banjo
to sniff out whether i'm part of the scene:
dangle dangle plop plop... ah poo...
p pi po'h... and last weekend
we had snow... it scared the bejesus out of people
for a while, but things returned to normal nonetheless...
- interlude -
the tyranny of being conscious...
long recognised by eastern philosophy and the practice
of meditation...
to be away from me...
and they do so, splendid,
and then all toward vanity, given you're forced
into dreaming... so even when you're not even
conscious... i.e. unconscious...
you're being fed a dream...
and however disroted that you in the dream
is... there's still you...
oddly enough: if i make thinking = dreaming
i can honestly say: i wish i dreamed more
than i thought... me not a mighty oratory gob
after all...
evidently doing hallucinogenics
was to excavate the dream into the waking hour...
and that's how i'll leave this interlude,
i just imagine andy warhol testifying about fame
at the opera...
or that's me bound to watching:
alain de botton... or what does need diacritical
marks: alain dé bóttą...
dé bóttą... the art of travel,
on the QE2...
dé bóttą! oh the marvel, French of all languages
is nasal and glottal! when speaking Polish you
might as well be talking in razors...
Greek and lisp, English and Cockney rhyme...
and the lost trill of the R... R hollowed out...
and once again to modern times:
the imperial march (darth vader's theme) vs.
beethoven's 9th symphony...
tra la la -
both as universally acknowledged as the sound of
a ****... and perhaps a pigeon's coo-woo
-
...the interlude actually contains what ignited me to
write... drinking aside, but drinking too...
in all too a great happiness that somehow i live
a life that asks for narrative minimalism,
i can say: and in between i did **** all,
i thought profanity was necessary,
and how i'd wish i'd have written a epic
like don quixote... but then i thought: keep it real,
keep it real... av a laugh...
i'll probably taste the sour from the wine
sometime soon, once the narrative becomes a Gobi
and i get worked about the eventual loss of
a carpe diem quickie...
but it's still there, for the moment...
and having realised that: it's gone.
and i did say:
by the personnae principle, in line with not writing out
a Tolstoy, i have to admit that i never know
who i encounter in my exploits...
and there is a personnae principle at work here,
it's not Shakespeare, that much i know,
it's the practice of personnae incorporation that
does away with: and Titus said:
veni! vidi! vendredi!
(oi oi, enough of the French static, ya ponce!)
so that's that, poetry has come to resemble
modern art... given the personnae principle
we have done away with all the intricacies of
writing a Shakespearean play...
Titus - lo!
Anthony - a plum tree!
as a person competent with narratives
i ask for all people to leave the building...
a pit of tongues i might also add...
populo in singuli! ah freckles and ash...
it has to be: pertaining to the vulgate...
nothing better than speaking illiterate latin ol' boy...
a bit like richard brautigan
writing the pill versus the springhill mine disaster -
there the buds of the concept personnae (without clear
indication that we are dealing with a crowd,
so no memorable quote or character, the narrator
is trying to keep his **** together, pardons for the laziness
and lack of indicative marks that there are actually
more people in the room than could be expected...
me and drunk me make up a thousand crude-essentials
as to what is intended to imply: having a good time) -
sometimes poetry is just that: a quickened code for
acting, albeit without any character-study,
or diet, or paparazzi... and it's so quick... you've
watched a movie like a mosquito lived its life and you're
writing the credits...
like richard brautigan wrote that poem -
when you take your pill
it's like a mine disaster.
i think of all the people
lost inside of you.
richard brautigan! richard brautigan!
this is the mine disaster company, over!
yes, we number 34 souls in total.
and there's your thesis! it must be hard to
write "poetry" and never, not once: experience
the Styx in your travels, the pit of tongues,
or the personnae principle...
always bound to rigid narrative constructs,
alway having an aliby with a 'he said it!'
it must get horrid sometimes,
living that life of a puppeteer / narrator -
never really drunk with pesky humour -
never once enjoing a wicked thought -
a meddle on the omnius frivolity of life...
but personally? i find it almost bewildering that
of all the ancient Greek gods... Hades was homeless...
that's before Hades was a noun designating a place,
a realm... i just find it hard
to believe that of all the gods, Hades didn't have a temple...
the only god from ancient greece that didn't
have a temple... sure, they had a statue of him,
but there was no temple to see to benediction...
now i really think i've over-stepped it...
the wine is imploring me to end this
polyphonic nonsense, and think of a monophonic
sound of a woodpecker... relax... think of the sound
when wood is chopped...
relax... forget this circus of what could be
described as a theoretical exploration of a schizophrenic
symptom... think of a monty python sketch...
calm
.