I've tried my best to let it go,
Perhaps I've not tried hard enough.
But still I feel so empty and hollow,
It all seems to be getting quite tough.
One step forward and two steps back,
Just one thing I can not seem to hack.

I hear your name and my worlds collide,
I don't know how and I don't know why.
My love for you I have never denied,
But I've always hid it I'm still so shy.
I had a chance that came and went,
Just like a love letter that was never sent.

A void so black and unfulfilled,
A broken heart that's left to bleed.
A once proud soul just hurt not killed,
A sudden stop with no warning to heed.
An inescapable chasm cut to the bone,
And now I'm left to clean-up alone.

I know I'll get through what perils ahead,
And speak the words left so long unsaid.
A life time of pain will relinquish its hold,
Instead of vacant the sign will read "SOLD".
A broken dream will mend in time,
But the sentence so far is unbefitting the crime.

I just keep getting up for the let down

What the **** is wrong with people in this town?

Telling you to be who you are

But then laughing about your hidden scars



When I was little?

I saw the TRUTH

I saw past the innocent years of my youth

And when you cried, I refused to back away

I will always be here, for you, here to stay



Now we play games

And hide behind walls of white lies

But can’t you see this past we just can’t deny?

I refuse to let go, I refuse to give in

Because in this life you’ve got two choices

                -Sink or swim



Well, I chose to keep going

And I choose to see past

Everything, that I let slip away too fast

This next shot I’m taking

Though my hands won’t stop shaking

I take aim, and squeeze these eyes tight

                [Swoosh]



I won’t fall tonight

I will keep these feelings right

-underneath this dress of armor

Keeping those out from my heart

Keep it locked up, keep it closed in

Don’t always follow what’s screaming from within



Block out those tiny voices- let them

Falter into whispers

Prevent your heart’s swooning by another mister

And when you look to the sky

Never, ever, close those bright blue eyes

Because baby, your love is just in disguise

T'was the night before Christmas, And at the back of the bar

Sat a man all alone, Lighting up a cigar

The waitress ran over and waving her hand

You can't do that here, Smoking is banned.

If you must smoke that thing, you can go to the street

And stay away from the building, by at least fifty feet

The man took a puff and with a voice like a croak

He said, "You're kidding, right miss? You're making a joke"

I'm sorry, but sir..I'm afraid that it's true

But the law is the law, and it's not only for you

That we must say **** out, please extinguish your smoke

So our place can be filled with other fine folk

For ninety two years I have walked on this earth,

I have broken no laws and you know what it's worth?

Bupkiss, no nada it's not worth a thing

Would that law still apply if I was a King?

I've been coming in here for 60 odd years

And I think I've consumed a truckload of beers

I've smoked in this corner on many a night

Now you say **** out, I don't think that's right.

I fought for this country at the end of the war

I came home with a war wound, and you know dear...what's more

I came to this bar to have drinks with my friends

Who all weren't so lucky and met terrible ends

They died on the beach, heart as big as a house

Taking on the unknown for their country, their spouse

They battled for honor, the right to be free

And they all weren't as lucky, to come home like me.

I was here in the sixities when Camelot died

I was here with my son, and we both sat and cried

It was that night in November, I remember it well

That my son said he'd joined up and was heading to hell

He had joined the marines and was all set to fight

For freedom and honor and he knew it was right

Because I'd gone before and stood with others like him

And I said just be safe, and come home son...my Jim

In the years he was gone, I came down here to think

Of why he was there and I shared smokes and drinks

With friends, all now gone from this world of distrust

Now they all lie beneath us, decomposed back to dust.

My son made it back and we came right down here

To spend time with our friends, both from far and from near.

The years passed us by and my grandson joined too

And we sat and we prayed in this bar, for we knew

He was fighting for freedom and the rights we hold dear

Like having some fun, over smokes and some beer.

He never came home from his war, don't you see

That's why we're sitting alone here, just you and me

Tonight is the night that his letter arrived

Saying "We regret to inform you...that no one survived"

So, each Christmas Eve I come back to this bar

To savor my memories and to drink from this jar

And I finish each year thinking of what now is gone,

Of my battle scarred boy and his now deceased son

Now, you come and tell me that I must go outside

To continue my smoking and so I'll abide

'cause for 92 years that I've been on this earth

I've broken no laws and you know what that's worth

Then the waitress reached back and she pulled out a match

From a box on the bar with a rusty old catch

She said Sir, I am sorry I didn't mean to offend

For this one night each year, the law I can bend

So please light one for me on this Christmas Eve Night

And Thank you from all who continue the fight.

Merry Christmas and HAPPY NEW YEAR 2019

Hurting once again
Disappointment has a name
No one ever wins.

I'll miss the laughs
And all the smiles.
I'll miss the jokes
But all awhile
I know I must go.

I'll miss the hellos
The I'll see you...Fridays...?
I'll miss the hugs
And the soon to be parties.
But I must go.

I'll miss casual Sundays
Claire's dances and Collin's jokes
I'll miss Jessica's laugh
Tami's hugs and James' voices.
But I'll be going soon.

I found a family I didn't know I needed.
A family of weirdos, jokers, and kind hearts.
I found people who understand and care deeply
I found a place for a fresh start.
But I must go.

I go on to big things
Huge changes and excitement.
I move on now, but now
I've lost some of the enjoyment.
I'm leaving more than one family.

Come with me,
And I'll show what it's like
To have a heart
That beats out of beat.
We'll walk through
That ******* fog
That feels like
I'm swimming through
Blood.
(It's thicker than water)
It gets so hard to breathe
Somedays, everyday.
We'll stumble
Around that forest
Of trees made up
Of lies, planted by my mind.
I'll paint for you
Horrific pictures of death
And wishes of death
With tears on my paintbrush.
I'll sing for you
With ***** in my mouth
Because my heart
That beats out of beat
Makes me sick.
And even if I did
Drag you through all this,
Even if I did
Pull you through the mud
Surrounding my heart
You'd still never understand
A thing.