Death stands above me, whispering low
I know not what into my ear:
Of his strange language all I know
Is, there is not a word of fear.

I am fine, Until . . .
That gentle voice - pretending helpfulness
Maliciously whispers
In my inner ear
And suddenly my world is shaken to the roots

In the smoke of its lies I am almost convinced.

My friends are
Untouchable strangers
Who only tolerate my presence
because telling me to *******
Would be awkward for them.

My intelligence dissolves
Until I am nothing more
Than the fool that inspired
every blond joke ever invented.

I become a nuisance
Even to myself
And wonder why I should
even bother
Trying to make it to 50

Sometimes I try to fight back,
Using reason and light humor
To beat back the dark monster.
But even though I can usually force it
back into its dank hole,
It mocks me while backing off
And shoots a parting remark before
Sliding into the depths
To await its next opportunity at my sanity.
And I am left
hurt and confused.
Trying to clean the doubt out of my mind
As if it were a small bird rescued from an oil spill.

I am going to ****
and dump your body into
concrete foundations.

Where no one will find
So you will spend some time there
trapped like a hamster.

In a cage locked tight
A ghostly visage hovers
Escaping the door.

For it is unlocked
In the twilight until shut
As first light creeps up.

Forces you once more
In a meat suit of rotting
Entrapped under road.

Spending countless hours with your significant other.
Walking hand by hand, feet in the sand, smiling at each other.
You enjoy ones company but, what is love?
Is it the feeling in your gut whenever she approaches?
Or is the simple look in his eyes in which leaves in hypnosis?

See I don’t know what love is, I don’t even know if in it.
But I do know that I never want to lose you.
In this game of life I don’t even care if I win it.
As long as I have you, my world is complete
You’ll never have to worry about any woman to compete.
For my heart for now is yours.

Maybe one day I’ll figure it out, but for now I’m scared.
Never been this close to this emotion this feeling I swear.
To make love and to love is so different
Both needing effort and patience.
With time, the longevity and after effect can be different.
But with faith and the belief, anything can be achieved.
And yet, I'm left with these questions,

What is love, how do we love, and who do we love?
Questions of the century.

we must gauge how much we like a boy.
do you like him enough to spend three hours
trying on clothes
and tossing them aside
finding some tiny flaw
in every
neckline
do you like him enough
to have nothing but water
for a week
just to tempt him to explore
your craggy peaks
do you want him enough
to cut your wrists
in anxiety
an hour before
you'll see him
do you like him enough
do you?


do
                                        

                                                           you?

I am about to go down again,
like the creaking old elevator                            into
                                                                ­               the
                                                                ­               basement.

I know it
because I see it                    in my eyes                      gone dull.
In my lips drawn tight                    instead of                        smile         it was there for a while.
                                                          ­                       my usual

For a time         it felt nice           to feel nice.
For a while                                                            ­ I was happy.

I know this feeling
like I know myself                        because this is me

                                                             ­         depression.

You are the very best kind of liar.
The kind that lies to my emotions.
The kind that makes me weak,
Makes me believe,
Makes me feel.

You tell lies to a person's heart.
You lied to mine.
Time and again, you proved your skill,
And I proved my foolishness.

You are the kind of liar
That speaks with such honesty.
You're sorry.
You'll be there for me.
You are the liar that lies
To the desperate heart.
That deceives the reason
And banishes the doubt.
The kind of liar that makes
Me believe
That I'm lying to myself.
That you were there.
Are there.
Will be there.

You are the best kind of liar.
And me,
I am the worst kind of fool.