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sd Feb 2014
after months of darkness
i take little pills of light

i don't know who i am
without the sadness
without the shadows
without the dreams of death

i am ordinary
and i'm not sure
how to deal with that
sd Feb 2014
maybe it's bad like they say,
to base my opinion of my body
on the opinions of another


i hate myself
and he likes me
so for now
i'll believe him
sd Nov 2013
i wonder if you realize
that the only way
i can sleep
is by imagining
underneath my head
curled around me
but all i have
is a cold pillow
and an imagination;
a poor substitute
sd Nov 2013
I want you to come over and watch movies with me, and I wanna force you to watch Nightmare Before Christmas and listen to me sing all the songs, and I wanna drink too much mountain dew and order pizza and get half Canadian bacon *** you’re gross like that, and stay up until 2am, I wanna crawl into bed with you and listen to your heartbeat and breath as my lullaby, I wanna kick you in the middle of the night,  I wanna wake up all tangled in the sheets and your limbs, and I wanna breathe my morning dragon-breath into your face. I wanna complain when you say it’s time to get up, and hide in your neck. I wanna make you pancakes and eggs for breakfast.

I want you to kiss me until I’m breathless
I want to go four-wheeling with you, racing each other around
I want to make cookies with you and feed you cookie dough
I want to cuddle with you all day under an alarming amount of blankets and watch American Horror Story and Adventure Time and Bravest Warriors
I want you to lay down on my bed with your shirt off, all sprawled out, so I can really appreciate your body
I want to see how soft the skin on your belly is
I want to see what your collarbones taste like
I want to eat icecream with you, and I want to clean off all the ice cream on your lips…with my mouth
I want to kiss all over your chest and stomach
I want to kiss those little back dimples…the little dimples on either side of the base of your spine
I want to just hang out with you on a Mountain Dew fueled craze; you playing GTA5, me on tumblr until the wee hours of the morning
I want to fall asleep in your arms; for once, completely relaxed while touching someone else while I sleep. To be able to wake up again, in your bed, to see your sleepy face and sleepy voice
sd Oct 2013
Would it make you happy if I had perfect grades?
Would you be happy if I wasn't so disgustingly skinny?
Would you be happy if I didn't have a boyfriend?
Maybe it would make you happy if I never ever disobeyed you?
Would it make you happy if didn't have anxiety?
Would you be happy if I had a ton of friends?
Maybe you'd be happy if I wore pink and skirts instead of black and skinny jeans?

If I was perfect, maybe you'd be happy, maybe you'd love me then.
sd Oct 2013
I've said it before, and I'll say it again.
I would give nearly anything, anything
to be able to fall asleep in your arms.

To relax in your warmth,
all wrapped up in your arms.
My head on your chest,
listening to your heartbeat.

To be able to wake up
in your bed,
limbs tangled.

To be able to see
your sleepy face,
your rough, unused voice.

Early morning kisses,
sleep-warmed blankets,
not a care in the world.
sd Oct 2013
I walk down the crowded hallway,
arms cold, I forgot my sweatshirt in my last class.
I see her.
Loitering outside her classroom,
giggling with a group of boys.
All she does is look at me.
"Who do you think you're fooling?
her eyes ask.
"No one actually likes you.
He just dates you because it's easier
than being alone and sounds better
to have a girlfriend.
She's just your friend because
she feels obligated,
because you were her friend
when others left her.
You are and always will be the
weird, unwanted, unloved

And I believe her.
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