Losing you
before you died
was almost as hard
as saying goodbye

almost

when logic & reason
slipped the knot
& your beautiful mind
was left to rot

the fading in
and fading out
your stellar confidence
now scattered with doubt

your light would flicker
a dwindling flame
deep blue eyes searching
but still losing my name

it went on like this
bleeding out hope each day
fleeting lucidity until
all bright faded away

your crystal blue eyes
still lovely but now dulled
death room waiting agony
as your life slowly annulled

I miss you still deeply
after all these years
& the pain you suffered
still draws gnarled tears

©J.C.

If the world were to end tomorrow
It would be more than a decade
since I last saw you
I guess blood isn't thicker than water

we are all either a son or a daughter

have you ever thought of me kindly
or is it still all misgivings
at past sins unknown
no kindness & no forgiven quarter

we are all either a son or a daughter

I remember when as young siblings
how we still liked one another
you were my champion
before we laid it all to slaughter

we are all either a son or a daughter

the passage of time leads us nowhere
so these words laid bare on the line
be like feathers on air
tears dissolving as salt does in water

we are all either a son or a daughter


©J.C.

I want to see the northern lights
but I cannot say why

it is said that sometimes
if conditions are right
you can see them from here

but it never seems to work
for me

even if the sky is clear
I cannot see them
when I am told I might

others say they have seen them here
I don’t think I believe them

some set a camera
on very long exposure
to take their picture

I can’t stare at the sky
for a very long time
all at once
like a camera

maybe I want to see them
because I haven’t seen them before

there are other things I want to see
but never have

like the life I was meant to have
with you

maybe if I’d had
a better camera

it's cold here
in the shade
of your waning love
blue moon bruises
of the heart
left to rot
like fruit in the bowl
as the gnarl in my stomach
tightens
dark matters knot
to a widow black hole

© J.C.

2 3 1 5 (valentines day)

Valentine's kisses
blown by fists
set coordinates
as markers
of unholy tristes
days in lieu
spent chasing back time
fooling myself
momentarily
that I can run down
the night
trade in those seedy lows
for peakless highs
masquerading sobs
smiles to hide sighs

© J.C.

Sadness

craving for some love
on the empty side of the bed
feeling the hollowed pain
of things felt but left unsaid
the air has grown colder
as knots settle in my chest
are we going where we said
we'd never?
being so much less
than our loving best
I know sometimes I can be trying
less than easy, more than complex
your absented  love has me crying
falling into a blue emotional vortex
a growing gnawed bone deep ache
as the sadness rises steady
how much more before I break?

© J.C.

come to me
in whispers and kisses
consume me
with trembled breaths of love
call for me in urgency
tenderly
growl my name
****** me
utter up to me
all your ardent wishes
envelop me
our love the white hot flame
burn for me
be open love
see how desire frees
ravish me
make my salty sweet
your most delicious
surrender with me
willfully
give over to love
bent on her gentle knees

©J.C.