~
This whole depression thing
Is getting really old
Every day feels the same
Just another 24hr. time bomb
Tick-Tick-Ticking in my brain

Guilt;
Guilt for things I can't control
For being me
And not feeling whole-ly there

No one knows
I don't want them to
I can't be monitored
For everything I do
That's no way to live

I'm not harmful
To myself or others
Isn't that what most matters?
No one cares if I'm unhappy
So long as I'm not a threat

They'll throw pills down my throat
Call me good; Or good enough
Send me on my way
Piece of paper in my hand
With drugs that only they understand

I'm not really living
But at least I'm not dead

So bring it on
The Tick-Tick-Ticking of my bomb
Never going to explode
Just there to keep me in control
So I'm not a "burden" on this world.
~S.A.~

Written August 1, 2011*

Four falling stars
So far.
We'll be friends, regardless.
Promise to keep in touch.
No matter what.
But none of it changes how I feel
Or how it hurts
To know that we'll never be anything more
Than long-distance friends
Through a life-line of texts
And weekend trips
That I'm afraid will slowly dwindle.

And nine shooting stars later
All we can really do
Is lay across my outback
And agree that
This. Just. *****.

Not so poetically put
But the truth
Rarely is.

Written July 13, 2011*

It's funny how everything seemed more beautiful
When we were only three feet tall.
The world, it seemed so simple.
Not so scary; much less pain with every fall.

Where are those days when our backyard was just enough?
And we still believed that we could be,
Anything when we grew up.

I want to feel safe again.
I want to not be afraid.
I think we all would like that.
We just need a little change.

Written July 12, 2011*

So ******. So disappointed. So let down.
So sick to my stomach right now.
I can't believe that I thought you had changed,
But you will always make these same mistakes.
I wish you could think of ANYBODY other than yourself.
But you can't. Or you won't.
Either way, I hope you know
That I may Love you, but I don't Like you.
Please. For the rest of us,
Get some help.

People Change.
They grow apart.
And soon enough we'll be strangers.
And you'll think of me as nothing more
Than a fleeting thought;
Once most important.

We'll pass without a spoken word.
Just sideways glances with eyes that never meet.
And a longing for,
Times best forgotten.

Unavoidable.
Like almost everything.
But 'til then, let's just keep holding on,
And try to make the best
Of what time we still have left
Before we start to drift.

There it rests.
A wet and salty smudge of bleeding ink and paper
Forever engrained on this page
As an eternal bookmark to the very place
Where I felt your thoughts meander across the strings of my heart.

Captured;
A moment in time of disbelief
That something so simply put as "beautiful"
Could possibly become from another human mind.

The spot will dry, yet the smudge will remain
To forever remind me
That every once in a while
It is possible to really, truly Feel.