It's a mess you can't clean
It's behind the cracked mask
the face of a fiend
To clean is your only task
but everything falls apart at the seams

I wish I wouldn't think of you
as much as I do.

I wish your words didn't swim around my head
forcing me to clench my eyes shut in an effort to stop
impossible images from invading my dreams.

I wish it didn't make me angry.
     That I could just accept what it is I'm feeling
     but I can't.

I hate it.
I hate you.

I wish I could read your mind.
     Find out who's behind that sheepish look
     and wicked smile.
        
I wish you didn't remind me of writing.
     That your gaze didn't resurrect the most
     embarrassing of cliches from my lips.
              
               Please,
               Give me my breath back.
    
I wish I hated it.
I wish I hated you.

It seems to me confusing
Everything meanders from a string
Like the wind contorts the trees
My mind frustrates the me, an ego
That stands itself alone
Among the bliss of the complete
Emptiness that fills
Forming the totality

These are the conceptions
Distractions sent from above
Separating all that is
Fragments of unrelenting confliction
Within my being and yours
The violence emanates
Feeds upon the shattered reality
Leaving the now dead
Let the present awaken  

Observation through Awareness
Do not condemn or justify
There is a clarity
Intelligence beyond conditioning
It exists within us
Becoming us if we only will
Dare to be this truth
All mindlessness will cease
With a crash and a burn
Then we will see

Which is worse?
The devastating anguish that accompanies-
    your child's first
          heartbreak
              major disappointment....
Or the reality that with each subsequent success
you shift from
      major player
         to footnote
in the book of your child's life?
*(long deep sigh)

I sit here depressed at 2 AM
and I can't help but wonder where the time went
when did I go wrong and fall lose off track
of my life, it causes fluttering heart attacks
I feel solitary may bring solidarity
I yearn to progress personally to singularity

But I'm stuck in a rut and mud is taking over
The Earth covers me with blankets, pulls me closer,
A warm hug isn't what I want but what I needed
From all these thoughts my brain is too heated
and I'm scared of what's to come
my friends are gone, if I ever had one

I enter and leave this world by myself
my life just one page in the dustiest book on the shelf
It scares me that I won't be remembered
my words service to see my image rendered
in minds and hearts of those I have touched
And with you the touch was too much

I lay my hand upon your heart
and it burned in, I can see the mark
I'm not a bad person, but who am I?
I take my body and throw it up to the sky
A scar is what I left on you
I can't heal it, not even with superglue

but you will live on, and so will I
and the only thing for us to do is try
march your feet in the onward direction
and at the end we meet our reflection

Perhaps this is exactly what I need
Cause for awhile all I have done is bleed

I dont even know
what I'm doing anymore
I thought I was doing okay
And I'm crying so hard
I cant breath
I often question why I exist
I'm just an ugly freak
addicted to pain
to cutting
And I'm slowly dying inside
At the end
suicide seems like the best option

1
Sigmund Freud's sexuality theory--
not everyone could agree with or applaud
some critics wrote derisively :
'His name should have been spelt Sickman Fraud'.

2

Freud was fixated on ***
that constituted an obsession
did he become so
due to his own repression?

3

Freud: Religion is like childhood neurosis
a statement too brash and bold
if there were a heaven
he would be left out in the cold.

4
Freud's home was full of antiques of all types
was he a compulsive hoarder?
how should he label himself?
can we say  his mind was in complete order?

5
If you could understand
Freud's theories on id, ego, super-ego
you would get closer  to being a shrink
some say--that's all you need to know.