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1d · 22
Why pretend
Samara 1d
it's any different than
past suns and moons.
You won't hold me
when they visit me nightly.
Kiss me Good Night
& sing to me softly
even though they
make me live
and relive
so harshly.
- - -
To forget...
...I'm left holding
myself.
Just as I have...
...in past suns
& present moons


Samara 1d
almost like I never knew.
There I am am feeling like I belong.
Not an inkling of bring wrong.
Along comes another
to show me I'm a bother.

Like them I cannot be...
...yet still I try


Jan 28 · 52
slowly
Samara Jan 28
stuck in decay
swaying with bottles
throttling myself on cheap cigarettes
regretting all my wasted time
- - -
maybe this time
will be
the time

Jan 28 · 466
can't tell you
Samara Jan 28
there have been
bad storms & blue weather
& i've been
battered, bruised
& treated like a feather
grown up listening to sad songs
never thought it would last this long

now i know
- - -
so long as i'm still here
this is all that i can feel
Jan 3 · 193
remains
Samara Jan 3
the demons are dead
but their skeletons remain

the zombies are gone
but their skeletons remain

what am i to do
when the bones wont go
- - -
knocked me down
i don't want to get up

push me deeper
until i'm part of the earth
Jan 3 · 108
mal compris
Samara Jan 3
what is there left to say
when all the words i've laid
in front of you bear no meaning
we speak different languages
mine, delicate
yours, harsh

the words-
ones i scramble to find
but still can't push to you
- - -
is this where we part?

please
let me go
and let me be free
to sing my song
for those who feel
my melody
Dec 2020 · 47
nouvel
Samara Dec 2020

a page turns
& the year passes
but with us remains
all of our compassions

so let us proceed
into the next chapter,
lest we be relieved
til we find
all that matters

Dec 2020 · 34
whom
Samara Dec 2020
fervent for being their likeness
yet abhorrent of what they're like.
down a rabbit hole
filled with champagne
until I'm neither like them
nor like myself
- - -
just somewhere
in between
still no where
at all
Dec 2020 · 456
eve
Samara Dec 2020
eve
somedays it seems very clear
that December is never dear
to me.

snow-kissed branches outreached
atop snow-kissed mounds of cold

crystals gently laying themselves
upon the silent earth outside.
a silence that can only be heard
when all shelter from the
falling flakes outside.
- - -
winter after winter
i always wish as it draws nearer

for a family warming their toes
around a crackling hearth adorned
with red stockings and an initial
of our names on each.

to be drinking mulled cider
and mull over musings of the
yesteryear together. all while
sneaking glances at the neatly
wrapped boxes underneath the
Christmas tree we wreathed a
day after Thanksgiving.
- - -
but my winters have no snow
and no Christmases worth
watching through a window.
my family is myself
and myself is sorrow.
Posting this again because it's extra feels today.
Dec 2020 · 61
winter sun
Samara Dec 2020
like the dark winter sun
you return every morning
to my sky that you
left with darkness
just a short while ago.
- - -
but with your light
you forget to bring
the warmness
yet still, i stay
outside.
Dec 2020 · 320
sorella
Samara Dec 2020
filling my insides
with your
poisonous fruits.
your breath
like venom
& your words
like knives
- - -
it's been years
but your gaze
makes me shudder
with terror

afraid of
which facet
you will now
present
Dec 2020 · 39
plague
Samara Dec 2020
like a plague you catch on
incurable at least
death at most
- - -
you poke and ****
all my shortcomings
until i'm full of holes
- - -
can you see through me
and all that i've become?
Dec 2020 · 51
density
Samara Dec 2020
it feels like
being stuck
in the density

dark hazy
visage
clouding
the view
and a
big boulder
on your
shoulders,
on your chest,
and on your
lungs.

keeping you
tumbling over
and over again
in the density
Dec 2020 · 98
fate
Samara Dec 2020
rolling the boulder
up toward the heavens
hoping one day
to become the stars
- - -
rolling the boulder
back onto us
instead, turning into
the dirt that begat us.
Dec 2020 · 167
phoenix
Samara Dec 2020
Chimera gave me a
Molotov cocktail
on a Friday night
in a neon-lit
downtown scene.
- - -
they never told
me not to drink it
because they wanted
me to go down in flames.
- - -
so I drank it, and it
burned my innocence
for I will never trust
another when they
hand me a drink
- - -
but i am phoenix
and from the
flames i keep
rising
Dec 2020 · 375
feather
Samara Dec 2020
give me your gentle loving
and your tender caressing.
speak to me softly
but love me oh so loudly.
- - -
scuffle of feathers
laid upon the grass
their weight not
enough to sink in

so they rest atop
the blades
so delicately
leaving no trace
of what took place
to lay them there.
Dec 2020 · 58
heroine
Samara Dec 2020
suburban siren screams
quiet on tv screens
it's an ordinary scene
58 days since he's been clean

trying other ways to escape
the rural landscape
guess it didn't work for long
that means he must've been wrong
Dec 2020 · 44
blanket
Samara Dec 2020
just like in the world
short poems
get read
more than the
longer ones
as we're all
searching for
perfect prose
concisely put
to remind us of
what it is
that we feel
- - -
how many blankets
will it take
to make me feel
warm?
Dec 2020 · 61
don't speak.
Samara Dec 2020
In brief breaks
of my isolation
I fit in all the words
I did not have the
opportunity to share.
- - -
And just like that,
I spend the rest
of my isolation
wishing I had
stayed quiet
instead.
Dec 2020 · 65
you see,
Samara Dec 2020
i don't want
to watch you bleed
i just wish
you helped me succeed
Dec 2020 · 66
le midi
Samara Dec 2020
shaded by a sun hat
in the south of France
reclined on a lawn chair
overlooking the Mediterranean.

Parliament smoke lingers
in my frizzy black hair
but I smell like lavender
from the fields of Provence

my fresh preened scarlet nails
rhythmically tap the flute
of '95 Roederer Cristal
while I wait for my
Edmond Dantès
imprisoned--
to become seasoned
like my wine.

I grow old & impatient
yet still I'm waiting
for my dear Dantès
wherever he may lay

making sure my brow
won't furrow
and i eat bone marrow
so my lover will see
me just as he had left me
- - -
young & beautiful
sitting by the seaside-
my long smooth legs
stretched and glistening
in the sand where we
drank together,
bottles of cheap wine
Dec 2020 · 56
please
Samara Dec 2020
console me
& just hold me
don't tell me i'm wrong
'cause i know i am

please
just let me cry
in your arms
while you hold me
like a child

i know it's my fault
i don't deny that
but for once,
please
just hold me
- - -
i'm pleading.
while my heart's
still beating
there are some moments you can't go alone..
Dec 2020 · 57
identity
Samara Dec 2020
i have never been
the shy type
hiding behind
books and glasses
escaping to the day
i'm whisked away
into a whirlwind romance

i have never been
the life of the party
drawing everyone's gaze
magnetic and vibrant
as i dance with
a stranger on the
table

i have never been
the proper primrose
with neatly
stacked shelves
of all my
accomplishments

i have only been
the shapeless one
fading into the background
belonging to no one
with failure as my shadow
trying to make it another day
toward my tombstone
Dec 2020 · 28
we never even met
Samara Dec 2020
Chris and Abby
young loved together
a love like no other
akin to Annabel and her Lee
but two years down the line
they became history

Abby never stopped loving
him and his symphony.
lonely and heart broken
Abby grew cold
she learned to tell no lies
until that's all she became

years down the line
Abby still wonders
what became of her
long-lost lover

she remembers the innocent
way they spoke and
misses the constant company
he gave her

she remembers he loved
drinking Monster
and that for a while
he became that to her
- - -
heartbreak fades
and most of all
she wonders if
she'll ever have
the magic of her
first true love
again
Dec 2020 · 87
fawned
Samara Dec 2020
i wish i could
remember fondly
all that i have
loved and lost
but i focus on the loss
and become scornful
biting my lips
and my arms
to keep my
silent screams
from being heard
by anyone
other than
the girl
in my head
- - -
she is no
friend of mine
but she stays
there sometimes
Dec 2020 · 136
oh
Samara Dec 2020
oh
if i confide in you
i know that you will chide me
find blame in me
for what happened
that hurt me

so in time i learned
to trust no one
and to hide in a
dark closet corner
where i won't be seen
cowering or choking
on my screams.
Dec 2020 · 51
spark
Samara Dec 2020
they call it
a spark of joy
- - -
whatever it is,
it stands no
chance to light up my
waves of darkness
Just one of those days...losing a prized possession you fondly cared for sparking an episode of sadness.
Dec 2020 · 230
in the gas station while i
Samara Dec 2020
hold a cigarette up
to my oxblood lips
ash falling down
my diamond-studded wrist

I'm the siren
fire of your desire
live wire

tripping over in my
six inch stilettos
sipping on Prosecco
singing in staccato
all the words i wrote
&
all the songs
i want you to hear

all while the smell
of sweet Black & Milds
circles the strands of
pin up curls
that frame my
porcelain skin
and you caressing my neck
taking it all in.
reposting
Dec 2020 · 68
monsoon
Samara Dec 2020
like the wayward moon
and the woodwind tune,
i too fell in love with having
a life that has gone too soon
Dec 2020 · 43
sky high ballet
Samara Dec 2020
silver-lining
silhouette
cabriolé in the
lavender-grey
clouds
- - -
she was kissed
by the sun
and he watched her
pas de basque
-
Dec 2020 · 37
ocean daydreams
Samara Dec 2020
when i lay awake
by the bay window
facing the ocean
that ripples the
reflection of the
moon above

i wonder why we
spend all our lives
crying false cries
at walls and lies

when we can escape
to the ocean
or the mountains
where mother earth
shows us how beautiful
she can be.

then i remember
its a luxury for
those who steal from others
or descended from thieves
that are worthy
of seeing her beauty.

the rest of us
have to settle
for the daisies
and day dreams
to remind ourselves
of her majesty.
Dec 2020 · 257
snow
Samara Dec 2020
somedays it seems very clear
that December is never dear
to me.

snow-kissed branches outreached
atop snow-kissed mounds of cold

crystals gently laying themselves
upon the silent earth outside.
a silence that can only be heard
when all shelter from the
falling flakes outside.
- - -
winter after winter
i always wish as it draws nearer

for a family warming their toes
around a crackling hearth adorned
with red stockings and an initial
of our names on each.

to be drinking mulled cider
and mull over musings of the
yesteryear together. all while
sneaking glances at the neatly
wrapped boxes underneath the
Christmas tree we wreathed a
day after Thanksgiving.
- - -
but my winters have no snow
and no Christmases worth
watching through a window.
my family is myself
and myself is sorrow.
Dec 2020 · 114
chills
Samara Dec 2020
grand & glorious,
& a little bit delirious
Chantilly lace
it's not my pace
my style is quaint
weary & intimate
it gets so tiring
trying to be inspiring
wondering where it leads
and when i can just be me
Dec 2020 · 54
carry me
Samara Dec 2020
i want to throw
caution and responsibility
to the wind
and follow that wind
across the world
with not a penny
to my name.
Dec 2020 · 47
influencers
Samara Dec 2020
It used to be us
against the advertisers
now,
we've become
the advertisers
brandishing every paper
that blows our way.
Isn't it wild that the videos and reviews and tutorials we once sought guidance from are now just extravagant advertisement ploys and sponsorship-fishing attempts? Even people who are digital "nobodies" aka your next door neighbor or childhood friend are trying to become influences even though they have no real expertise nor experience!
Dec 2020 · 100
human
Samara Dec 2020
is this what it feels like
to feel like you are capable
of being human?

to wake up sweating & shivering
terrified & your lips quivering
about what may be
and what you may see

to love so deeply that
loss weighs heavily on
your mind

to pray so piously to
be the one for you
but failure keeps
you close by

is this what it feels like
to feel like you are capable
of being human--

'cause i think
i'd rather die.
Dec 2020 · 41
anxiety
Samara Dec 2020
the thoughts take hold
& don't let go
they linger in my head
& i can't put them to rest

they haunt me awake
they haunt me asleep
around and around
they dance
and put me
in a trance

where i can't
breathe or move
because they leave me
constantly wondering
what if?
Dec 2020 · 353
elusive
Samara Dec 2020
i want to be magical,
mysterious & kind
while also doing speedball
in the bathroom line
Dec 2020 · 65
decay
Samara Dec 2020
it happens all the time
& i'm out of my mind.
no matter the season
i'm stuck in decline
Dec 2020 · 35
driving in the rain
Samara Dec 2020
headlights glow in the
dark foggy night
stating their
passing presence
on the street

i'm listening to
melodies of my past
on the radio
and they remind
me of all
the tragedies
i've amassed.

ones that play
in every nightmare
and it's quite rare
for them to be
content with just
being there.

they have to
make me relive
all the horrors
i've moved beyond
to make sure i can
enjoy no reprieve

i wish my
nightly drives
could just
be therapeutic
instead of
being reprisals
of all that makes me
psychotic
Dec 2020 · 38
i hate that
Samara Dec 2020
i'm
different
even though
i don't want
to be.
- - -
i want to want
the money
power
& glory
that everyone
longs for
instead of wanting
to console
the inconsolable.

i want to want
the newest
Apple watch
& the hottest
Louboutin's &
to fly with Hermes.

i want to want
to be the
belle of the ball
& best friends
with Beyoncé.

but i
just
couldn't
care
any
less.
- - -
though
i wish
i would.
Dec 2020 · 77
lonely as i am
Samara Dec 2020
standing in
a desert with
train tracks in
front of me
and
a train
endlessly
passes
with windows
facing me, and
doors facing
the oasis across
the tracks.

as if i was
meant to see
the passengers
playing Parcheesi
& preparing
to walk
the lush
green grass
and drink
icy cool
margaritas
where i
can't reach

- - -

i'm burning
in the heat
& my stomach
is churning
the sand
i swallowed
down my
sandpaper throat.

i missed
a train that
everyone i
know
has boarded
& i can't
get on a train
that won't
stop.

i don't know
why i didn't
buy a ticket
i never
knew about.

and now,
it's too
late.

how did
everyone else
know
to stand
in line?

why am i
the only one
who isn't
on this train?

i want
to join
them.

praying for
a reprieve.

how i long
for the
cool scented breeze
under the
tall palm trees
where they are.
Dec 2020 · 51
mort
Samara Dec 2020
who is it that will lay
flowers upon my grave
though it won't mean
anything to me
cause i have gone away

is it only when we scatter
our ashes
that we may be
anything & anywhere
we want?
Dec 2020 · 278
fin
Samara Dec 2020
fin
bidding my time
& counting the lines

ill be on my way
& you don't care
Dec 2020 · 120
imprisonment
Samara Dec 2020
isn't it a wonder
that confinement
from the world
into a world
of prisoners
is punishment
&
that confinement
from the world
of prisoners
into a world alone
in an even
greater punishment?
- - -
then what about
those of us
that are confined
to ourselves
by ourselves
with our thoughts?

is that the
greatest punishment
of all?
Dec 2020 · 66
monday morning
Samara Dec 2020
comes
without
warning.
Dec 2020 · 34
glass
Samara Dec 2020
i am a glass jar
filled to the brim
with broken
glass shards
- - -
whole
on the outside
holding the
broken
on the inside
Dec 2020 · 27
bore
Samara Dec 2020
an idle mind begets
bitter fruits
and idle hands
yield no loot
- - -
slowly decaying
mimicking the idleness
of a corpse &
i long for something
that i cannot pinpoint
- - -
what is the remedy
for my eternal boredom
that's not quite
a tragedy?
Dec 2020 · 116
us
Samara Dec 2020
us
prolific are we
in our thoughts unseen

beautiful unsung melodies
playing the tune of our memories

distant kindred spirits
weary with the worldly physics

together we weave
a linguistic tapestry
Dec 2020 · 71
please let me be
Samara Dec 2020
tiresome
and
lonesome
i grow,
living under
your constant
shadow.
always trying
to impress
leaves me
quite depressed
that i can never
be what you want
so much so that
i don't even know what
it is
that i want.
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