her eyes match mine
she'll be five come summer
a whole handful already
that bovine dog who likes hula hoops
who would rather lie in my room
where the floor is cold and hard and chipping
than in her own rocking chair
cushioned in the light and warmth of our living room
with mom and dad and rabbits
and windows full of things to watch
but she makes her choice
she wants my floor
she wants me
and as i swaddle her
and watch her eyes close
i want my heart to match hers

dirt roads are where i
come alive
another starless night
in a pick-up through
timbuktu

drive, drive, drive
mom's dad's truck
now it's only dad's
so if i have a kid
this ram will be his
mom's dad's truck
times two

drive, drive, drive
my bed is empty
another sleepless night
through timbertop ridge

no licence
no ****, sherlock
i'm all over the place
still, i keep her between
the ditches
dodge potholes and
blow backwood smoke
east of me, in the rear view

cassette tape, brakelights
window low and heartbreak high and
someday
a dirt roads is where i'd
like to die
just like grandpa did

~·~
i want lingerie
i want pearls
of sweat
i want ladybug luck
i want butterflies
i want a night
in shining
amor
~·~

this smile
twists to
weeping
for somewhere
someone
is hurting.
these tears
tick to joy
for someone
somewhere
is happy.

sometimes I fear
for the world as a whole
beautiful planet we have here
going to **** before our time
or eyes
except no one's really looking
not too closely anyway
for that would be insanity
because some things aren't clear
so sometimes, we blur lines
we're meant to color inside of
what's one more swift mess up
we forgot to erase?
instead, wipe us away
this clean slate, so they say
gets dirtier with every never-ending day
sometimes I fear
the world as a whole

And counting, this
Blur after bliss
Childhood clinged to me
Doors with locks
Even windows
Freedom waved to me
Gave me
Hope
Instead of
Justice
King me already or just
Lay me down and end me
Midas touched me
Newton overlooked me
Oleander tricked me
Pluto left me
Quietly, one night while I was praying
Ready or not
Stars collided and
This is why
Umbrellas don't like meteor showers
Violins don't like cats and fiddles
Wishbones don't like my brother and I's
******* history
You wouldn't believe me, just
Zoom in and rip me out of this

Are you near or are you far?
Or is it too **** close to call?
'*** I've come to know
There are so many shades of gone

Oh the stars are up above
I can't help falling for 'em all
Still you should know
You're the only one I'm wishing on

Sifting through the greys
So I might set my saving grace
In you alone
But there are so many shades of gone

Are you near or are you far?
Or were you ever here at all?
Please let me know
'*** there are so many ways to be
Lost and not
                 really gone.

the altar has grown
colder
heaven must have gone and
frozen over

i thought about her again
all night

imagined taking her
curled lashes
and freckled skin
and crimped hair
and plush lips
to germany
to buy her a pretzel
as big as her face
although,
not half as golden
then clubbing through munich
and berlin
and maybe dublin
on the way back
no strings attached,
you know?

i could work every hour
between now and
whenever

she wants to go to germany

she used to tell me all the time
five years ago
when she wanted to go
to oak island
and every flea market
and guardians of the galaxy
and planet fitness
and sweet frog
and bed
with me

and as of last night,
i am sure
i'd still go anywhere
with that girl

"sit pretty, i'll drive"
your voice slides
across the dash and
stereo lights
a voice like
the burn of ***
a rev, a race, another stop
sign
"just breathe, miss"
and do i ever
as the smoke welters
from
your lips
to mine

of course you can stay here
where safety is synonymous with wasting
where you can water your paper whites
funnel your life into words
dust your suitcase
brush your hair
and rename the stars
from your kitchen window
       
but when you remember
when that passion hits you
like a boomerang
and beckons you
like a baby brother, or big sister
like guiding lights
and abandoned pups
all the same
don't let anything
a hitched breath nor a fitful heart
still your stampede to the door

for in that fleeting moment
time will catch and crash behind you
urging you onward
lending a splithair head-start
in a fresh lap
of your leap for life

so bolt into the world
and don't check the mirror
on your way out
don't leave a note
those who love you
will jump for joy knowing
you couldn't break from dancing
as you fled

don't let your eyes tell you if it's raining
but don't let your feet stop you if they do
don't keep track of whys and nots
don't keep a greenhouse of regrets
and dear, sweet dreamer
don't you dare come back

i shush you again
but the corners of my mouth
turn up in response to
that happy grin that's
flashing across
the roof of the car at me.
in most of the county
the sun is setting
but here on the
dusty edge of a switchback mountain road
the world is aglow
in your smile.

Your Eyelashes

once
we fought for so long
we fell alseep on
the same train bed
and once
i woke up
i couldn't
wind down
again
telly tubby bedsheets
shifted with my sighs
squirrels raced across the rooftop
scatter, slide and
scratch
at the door
because halen wanted in
but that ancient cat could wait
for i was drawn to trace
the milkweed bangs
and cheerio lips
choo-chooing there beside me
and when i did
kissing your cheek
felt like
smoothing a
butterfly band-aid
over where i
shoved you earlier
felt like
kissing a peach
no spice and shouts and
shhhh
i learned to count
past twenty that way
it'll cool off the rage
mama used to say
just take deep breaths and
count four handfuls worth of digits
so
in through my nose
out through my mouth
in the
nite-lite angel's glow
i numbered
the precious fringe
of tiny golden rainbows
archways to the world
swimming in your irises
in your dreams
and on my
fingers
i had to start
all over
each time your
eyelids
fluttered

you stirred
i learned
to call you
beautiful
in a special whispered way
beneath your
soft little arm
i tucked the lavender bunny
that had been our
tug of war

you can have it all,
buddy
just drift back to sleep
so maybe come morning
i'll know how
to count to thirty

for two minutes and
fifty four seconds
we are chargers
once again

a black bolt of lightning
in fog light vision
i, the barefoot shotgun
him, shoving ninety
down yo-yo back roads
shooing luck out of
the moon roof

this song
is our hero

hands whip like glory
beats soar as his eclipse
roars past high gear

riffs wail
and we tune into
the thrill of forgetting
home is just a memory
half a mile south

sometime i'll learn to drive
our souls so wild
for now
giggles turn to weeps
with the smile beside me

this boy
is my hero

we met
tiptoeing down our hallway
the one wallpapered with photographs of
faces we never knew
but would rather not forget
i smiled at you, you nodded at me
pick guards shone through
the quiet house
i let you lead
the way out

a guitar a piece
a dozen strings between us
except, nothing was between us
not then, not when
we wailed our darkest hours
away
like alley cats at first
slinking past the back door,
how it swelled through the seasons
how you pried it with that chisel
while i kept watch
because it was late
and mama loved to
tap her foot along, but she never did
understand the needs of musicians,
how
every blue moon or so,
the starless skies called us home
to serenade them
and how homemade melodies
were maps to our
hedonisms

how we couldn't sleep until we
clung to those mahogany curves and
lullabied ourselves into dreams and beyond
and how sometimes,
playing solo in our lamplit rooms
was like scratching an inch from the itch
for, we were weaved in the same womb
raised to unravel without eachother
surely mothers understand this

so we
swung our barefeet
off the concrete stoop
as cashmere moonlight
rode on wisps of fog
spread and swept across the yard
that seemed endless barely yesterday
where the treehouse crumbled
a decade prior
where the shingles on the barn
caved in for the final time
where our beloved dog
returned to dust
where our childhoods died
the songs don't
songs played before we breathed
in the atmosphere
songs that will play once we leave it,
as well
they must

til morning,
my fingers followed yours
reverse order of our
younger days
your harmonies ellicited chills
made my voice quiver through the indigo around us
and my subconscious
time capsule of lyrics
made for no fretting, nothing but serenity

sincerity
soared beneath the pines on the
back porch
one more whispered tune
too deep for two fools like us, but
i strummed like dad, you sang like him
then, it was time to sneak in
before the dew warped
the cheap wood of our old
instruments

and,
before dawn broke
mama was awake
ear pressed against the back door
took us by surprise
those stars dripping from
her hazel eyes
that lady loved to listen
there was a particular rhythm
which blossomed all along
a trinity of heartbeats
synchronised a moment
and that, will always be my favorite
song

mirror eyes
fresh from the fight
i was the shotgun
and you were the
lead foot
and i need a hero
was blasting from
our lungs
revving to the moon
golden disco on the lake
strobing through the backdrops
chasing your cap and clutch
and you
bypassed our mailbox
just so we could
soar a little further
head first into the
morning light

(thank god it was
a long night)

dad asleep and mom away
i'm along as you're alive
we ride a ****
to neverland

a kick back to
the summers when
we skinned our shins
on this brick wall and

our dog barks
black and white and
she's not the same
same fence, same size
same patch of dirt
the first one died
this one barks
wags her tail and whines
for us
to stop

but
i copy
your cough
another hit and run
watch the crown of clay
in your pinky nail
match the crescent veiled by
pines

and i
wait
for the world to slow down
like those honey-colored
summertimes

the syntax of our song
a phantom
we will hum along
someday
another chorus
best left
open
we don't have to play ahead
or tap time to this
to know
act one was where
we ended
in the most
mellifluous
way

and,
don't tell us what you're gunning for
just what you're running from.
Is it god? Your ma? Your mate?
Your fate?
A good answer is one which
avoids the question, son.
That's right, make us think
we were raised the same.

reds and greens filter your skin
along with
blues and reds
the glares, the horns, the rap music
roaring through this ripped leather
bench
i keep the window up
but you're the opposite
i keep my eyes on
the traffic lights
and siren lights
flitting on your skin
i burn it all into my head
as the city cracks and whips
by like
wildfire

i saw someone with smiles
i touched someone with strength
i loved him as a buttercup
loves the bumble bees
live from me, and i for you, but please
be free
please
don't fall in love
with a ****

I clasp the chrome chain of the
white choker he bought me
This might be the most bridal I'll
ever appear
Still he swore to show me I am beautiful
enough
And a hard copy of the clinic results
And how to inhale angel dust
Sniff once, look up, then again
Into my lungs, let it drip down my throat
I could make little rows on his chest
if I want
Little lines I never thought I'd cross
God they go on and on and on and on

i can't spell love out
its letters flap a whirlwind
meanings flush up and down my chest
yet never sideways
i can scribe it, dream it
spill it on the pavement
curse it, shout it
even vow it
which i am doing now
but mercy knows,
i can't spell love out
it'd take all the concrete
this side of the coastline
to put my foot down
and kick chaos into an elixir
but you poured everything
watched a heart turn to stone
cold
cracked it, chipped it
etched our name in it
then crushed it
i couldn't cast that sort of spell to save us
to turn us into something that
loves
cement images
with our handprints in them

If money is evil
And life is worse,
What made you take
Both?

I remember now,
You robbed us so
You could fund your own
Coffin
Satin and polished wood
Have never been so
Expensive

(neither have glass guns and hell dust)

But you knew,
(what made you make sure?)
When this day came
(too soon too soon too soon)
None of us would
Find you

Nothing borrowed
(but time)
Nothing stolen
(but life)
Nothing missing
(but why)

Can't you return?

Forget that I forgave you
We're as sorry as before
Your apology's rejected
I can't accept this anymore

I can't forget I loved you,
Though I remember all the hurt
And the fires that you put out
But you can't take away the burns

But I will,
Forget that I forgave you.

so i scurried to a spot
where some moss
carpeted a hickory root
and i squinted down the bank
where daddy was casting out
and reeling in nothing
and i saw the lake go on for acres
and the sky go on forever
and i saw the rocks and the trees
and how campfire-like
the sunset was becoming
and then i had to look away
because i saw how small
daddy looked amidst it all
and that terrified me

it's in like a lion
then out like a lamb
but this cat on my tongue
keeps me holding my breath
and it's a good thing
seasons change
it's a frog in my throat
and a pea in my brain
an apple in my eye
and it's you in my dreams
oh what a crying shame
this crush is here to stay

oh, there's orion!
i point to the sky
the fool looks
for a human
oh, i thought he was
your boyfriend
or something
he grins
cheeks to eyelashes
the kid giggles like
a cigarette
like second hand
choking
bless all the bubbles
that airhead spreads

your heart lagged
as if it were
running out of things
to beat for
my head swam, mind sank
and it was okay, since
somewhere
along the way
our skin
stopped
crawling
...

I'm weeping on the sidewalk
Broken bottles in barefeet
Headlights zip around me
Like swarms of stinging bees
I pray you won't come searching
I am where I'm meant to dream
Whilst you ride a ferris wheel
Beside the sparkling sea

dance with me
don't wait for the
sun to come back
or the sleet to
cease fire
life is now
and our love
is fervent
don't you see?
hands to hips and
heads to chests and
heart to heart
and this is how
our love is
fervent

if only
my eyes were blue
i'd be
shining through these photographs
too

but i'm struck again
by your
bright eyes
they're the kind of sights
we can't take
lightly
*** i don't have to
look twice to
see
i'm really missing
something

oh, if only

"We're not going far,"
Daddy promised
As he backed out from under the truck
Brushed off his jeans but not his shirt and
"Just seeing how the new brake pads work"
Well, I reckon we'll go far
If it turns out we can't stop
I plop down, don't buckle up
Just tuck my knees to my chest and
"I don't hear anything squeaking"
Forget the road and relish in the
"That's a good sign"
Scent of pine needles in his dark hair
And breeze in mine
And bugs in my eyes
"Are you cold?"
But let's keep the windows low
And my face to the sky
Because the moon looks lovely
On this midnight ride

right thumb up
left one tucked to flip the bird
when the wheels and the rain
just kept driving on

old parking lot
classic trucks and leather puddles
couple ramblers stretching tales
and taking shots

empty asphalt
payphone a quarter mile down
where some sucker in a stetson
was playing slots

no one watching
only god and maybe satan
and well,
they don't seem to catch much these days
(yet alone nights)

so i ran
like a manic bandit
for my ******* life