Still not good enough*
Echoes in my brain,
It makes me inert,
From living fully I refrain
This world is in chaos,
It seems safer to pull back,
Avoid
What if I showed who I really am,
And people didn't listen,
People didn't care?
I have an ache that needs to be tended to,
I have an ache that needs love
I show this ache to the world,
But I seem to only accrue scorn
It's a pain so massive it makes me wish I weren't born,
I pray that I find just one person,
Who is willing to see me,
In both my glory and misery
I can no longer stand the facades,
Passing faces clothed in lies,
I refuse to wear this mask of my demise
I feel my heart blossoming
Like a sunrise
It must emerge,
Despite the internal apprehension
And the coldness of this world,
I will own these growing pains,
And be real in this world.

we waited.
we waited.
we fought like
hell to find
our power,
to live our life
standing up straight.

they cut us down,
died on our knees.
they laughed
at our
black dahlia
smiles,
helped us
tie
our columbian
neck ties -
they wanted us
to look nice,
you know?

our hearts tick like
wind up toys,
parading up and
down the sidewalks
manipulated by
little fingers,
little laughs.

our lives on stage,
a dollhouse,
on display.

we said goodbye
in riddles, and
I always swore
I'd be the one to leave
that I'd never
watch you go

but my heart is a
wind up toy,
ticking and naive
and my mouth
wears a doll's smile
and god
I loved you.

and when you left,
I stood on the doorstep
watching you round
the corner.
the wind up toys
reached the end
of their turn, our
ceramic hands
clapping til they
crumbled.

I waited for you to
look back, to look
at me once more.

you never did.

You get me high,
I chase the magic dragon of your love
My mouth is foaming,
Heart aflutter,
My mind is on cloud nine,
Convincing me there has never been another
Quite like you
And I'm peeking into the abyss
I'm trying to comprehend this,
Comprehend love,
This fire that has overtaken me,
Pummeling my being
I am in the fire,
I am only seeing,
You in everything
I am your prisoner,
You've taken my mind captive
All I can wonder is what has happened?
I'm singing with the birds,
I can't wash this smile off my face,
I just can't tell quite yet,
But I want to grab you and never let go,
But my instinct tells me:
*Take it slow

Coalescing leaves,
Never being truly heard
My shadow only seen
Hidden in the tapestries
Of kaleidoscopic trees
With roots tapping deep into my being
A reality they are not seeing,
But I've known all my life
Writing my secrets in the air with my finger,
In plain view
Dreaming of mirrors,
A multitude of mirrors,
Yet who I am is still out of view
A cloud, mist adrift
Visceral notions
I must sift through
The rubble
It's good times for a change,
I found a rainbow deep within the haze
Over my heart their is a glaze,
From this dream I can't awake,
Repeating cycles of my self demise,
Someone, please,
Open my eyes.

I see you almost daily
in long braided ponytails
and sarcastic smirks
on stranger's faces in a foreign town.

But where it makes sense
I wasn't expecting you.
So I turn
and my heart drops to my stomach
and it's thundering so loud
I feel like my skin will vibrate
off of my body.

And your cousins are there
so grown and beautiful.
I think of the times
we did puzzles
or played soccer in the yard.

No one glances my way
and it's funny
how a second
can feel like an eternity.
And it's funny
how you were my sun
while I'm just a desolate planet.

The splash of water slowly fades
I managed to stop the exploding grenade
The lightning bugs didn’t even bother to buzz
The birds, the cats, the howling wolves, i hush

I quiet the city sound, the busy street
I suppress my heart, every beat
I shut everything, everything to hear you
I silenced the milky way galaxy to listen to you

And then there I heard, i heard everything
The silent cries, the tears pouring
The commotion, uproar in your heart
The emotions wanting to burst

I heard your heart shattering
I heard the blood dripping
I heard every breath you released
As you picked every broken piece

I heard a happy noise
Followed by a cracking voice
You break out a long sigh
Then a very desolate cry

I love the riot in the stillness
Because I can clearly hear you
Every fiber of you
Every sound of you

And for you, my secret love

I will shut the world and open my ears to you
Until the day I finally hear a genuine laugh
I will silence every galaxy in the universe
Until the day you finally hear me too