I drove a Lincoln into the park
So I could bleed it out
Filling six chambers, this isn't roulette
Every shot is firing, I don't need the doubt.
You wouldn't like to see my perspective
Manipulating minds without even incepting
Repeating just for repetition,
Check the mission log, we were made to burn out.
Etching average into our blood since day one
Fighting for the chance to pick a different route.

This isn't social poetry, we don't socialize.
To see in my head, I need to perform a procedure
Then jeepers creepers, have new peepers.
Stopped following a preacher in every church
Each one had sins that outweighed my worth
Only to hold onto few, it's true, but for those I do
It's womb to tomb and birth to earth.
Who would take a shot for your being?
A nearly empty room fills the head
Of everyone who thought they had everyone
Still disillusioned, Courtney, get my gun!

Dead house felt like the realest thing I wrote
Only to still feel like I'm blowing smoke.
I judge myself harder than any critic
So if you want a pound of my flesh,
You're welcome to come and get it.

Mania, mania. Let's talk about it.
My gears sputter clear into hyperdrive
I arrive quick at conclusion, no solution
Its amusing, legs shaking, eyes waving,
Fingers quaking, hair pulled.
I'm done waiting!
Give me a task, give me a meaning
Keep moving, keep cleaning
Stop the thoughts, they're hating.

Oh you see? You understand?
I'm not OCD, I don't need to repeat my words.
Repeat my words back to me
I am sometimes stuck in panic,
Running frantic, couldn't plan it,
I just ran my skull into the ground
Then pounded my fists down, every knuckle.
****** knuckles dripping dew like honeysuckle.
Sweep my legs and pray I buckle.


Deliberately dealing with dysfunction
Indebted to the devil's doing double damage
Leaving my body famished, somehow I manage
Like Scott's tots on a college block
Took a long shot and a short drop
Speaking through a door triple locked
Making my mind muffled, it's a struggle.
Put your ear to the door, you're sure to hear me whisper:
"Make it stop"
Mania, let's talk about it.

Everyone loves a love poem,
But they crave to read of heartache
Everyone wants to read of perfection
Yet would rather read what they can relate.
Seeing words of confidence on a screen
Looking at self, wondering what they mean.
While I stay up writing my dreams,
I'm wishing I could write about sleep.
Feeling like I can have everything now,
Knowing I'm just stuck in wait.

Everyone loves to preach peace,
Deep down brewing violence
We all just want to get high
So we don't feel so low
Listening to the loudest sounds
Always seems like I'm hearing silence
Speaking words that don't show
Any action in mind.
Searching for passion in life,
Tell me if it's something I can find
Racking my brain with stress
To find a way to unwind.

We can't accept love for being pure
When all we feel is unworthy
Living life seems just pain endured
Until our bodies are done working

I'm the jewelery behind the cage
That nobody wants to buy
But catches your eye for a minute.
Shining because I was shined
Until within goes dark again,
They pull me out to be cleaned and grin
Then everyone goes home
But in the cages they leave the lights on
So while the rest sleep, my head still spins.

I'm the mismatched socks you don't wear,
Can't throw them out, so they stay there.
Piled under everything new to come
I've got a hole in my sole, threads undone.
You pull to stop the little bleed.
More and more string starts coming free.
Until I'm tangled and you're entangled in me.

I'm the poet that doesn't get read
But continues to write so he might go to bed

Sometimes I talk to this mirror,
That man never talks back
So I turn my back on him so he knows
How it feels to be alone.
But if I'm only reflecting on my own reflection
Maybe I'm stuck having his connection.
Collecting my thoughts without judgement,
Packing up my subconscious like luggage,
Letting it disappear into that sunset.

I've been hunting for good mental health,
Tracking the prints before the snow did melt,
When spotted, I speared it and skinned it.
Now look at this beautiful pelt.
Hands drifting across it's skin
I developed a deep understanding
Of why killing mockingbirds is a sin.

They say we dream of a perfect soul,
I think we just dream of feeling whole.

I don't have much family that's real,
We don't need many seats to all share a meal.
I play like I'm angry at my father but honestly,
Always just disappointed he didn't want me.
That does lead to anger,
Push away everyone when I'm in danger.
That does lead to a feeling of failure,
Because all my pride, all the demons I hide
Come out from the closet,
I ask them to slow up so they play possum
But only for a moment to surprise.

I have a crumbling support system,
No one wants my issues,
So I just smile big when I'm with them.
Dismiss myself because I don't want my issues.
I burn myself out like Roy Mustang
Blind to the world lighting Lust up in flames.
Created from stone at the start
Stuck a homunculus looking for a heart.

In person, I laugh it off like a clown
In these pages, I tell all my internal sounds.