Phoenix in the Ashes?
That dirge to the heartbreak of loss,
“Ashes of Life” echoes in my mind of late:
“Love has gone and left me
And the days are all alike”
I
wallowing,
sunk in my sackcloth and ashes…

No flaming garb of vibrant red, instead shades of grey and black course coal
serve as my meager cloak & bed.
Those tongues of fire were so enchanting...
Now their bright blazing flames have died;
as smoke-filled skies remain to choke my breath–ashen
asphyxiation.
Amid charred lifeless trunks which
bely past vibrant verdant days
I wander awaiting years gone grey, a future
to further lay waste & topple the broken snags–to earth returned. . .
wait
a pause. . .
A glint of ruby red!
a single feather surviving?
molten scarlet letter “A” to lift from the ****?
witch who will not be burned up,
who cannot be consumed?
Has that resilient phoenix truly met a last cremation?
Or will her red wings yet arise renewed
Up from the “Ashes of Life”?

You are my waking thought,
my hopes and fears throughout the day.
You are assurance, peace… and loss.
You are my heartbeat and my breath,
my heartbreak and my tears.
You are each song that I hear or sing,
tunes of passion & love, of hurt, anger &
sorrow, of satisfaction, completion & joy.
You are the lift in my step,
my upturned smiling lips.
You are the glistening drops of missing pieces
hidden in my eyes. . .
You are their sparkle, too.
You’re the kiss of wind or wet dew on my cheek,
the crisp air of spring, scent of cherry blossoms,
the sweet taste of beloved memories
the sour sting of hope lost.
What more can I say?
You are the moments of each day
from my first consciousness on waking,
through the ticking seconds as they pass
and still seeking out my sleeping dreams.
Is it any wonder you are the flame
igniting my happiness?
& You are the absence collapsing
my aching heart? You
…my desired Someday
…always my Today

These strings of thought
are all knotted
I’m too hung up on you
the maze just dead-ends
nothing to lead back …
the more I try the more impossible
this mess
messy strings of thought
******* in seeking
hope?
I cannot sleep on this mess of knots
& cannots…
Would you? Could you untangle
these confused strings of thought?
They’re all the same color—
the color of you & me
in our memory

I wonder if you ever knew
the dreams you drew
into the palm of your hand
when first you drew my body close?
Those dreams they haunt
my silent screams eternally
as I long for you…
Desire taunts my heart tonight
as you have drawn away
to further stray
from these arms that reach to claim
(falsely claim) you as my Someday…
Though false these dreams,
they refuse to fade…
No, nothing can sway my mind
from thoughts of your palms
claiming my heart
grasping my waist
pulling me into your need…
Here pulsing a rhyme along this page
the beat of our music harnesses truth
(You still need me; I still love you)…

claim me, draw me, dream me

i wait

No one listens
to the girls, the women

Who will hear their stories?
Who will believe?
Who will care?

The counselor didn’t
“You were old enough to know”
Closest friends?
No, not really.
they’d rather find excuse,
minimize the wound…
The pastor?
he who possibly did even worse?
he who perceives in black & white
& also blames the victim?
(she was drunk?)
(her skirt—too short)
(she chose to be there)
(SEDUCTRESS!)
clearly not the zealous parents,
judgmental.
or the jealous other…he who claims ownership

& clearly not the voters

so I ask, WHO
Who will listen?
Who will hear?
Who will believe these stories dredged
from the depths of pain?

Those fears…nested in denial
their silence…
Those buried secrets
greedily devour heart & soul
while softly blooms faint hope
of a someday when
Enough who care
finally will believe…
…
No one listens
to the girls, the women
…
Believe Them!

god, how much I’ve missed you
ever since the start
more than you could ever know
I wish we weren’t apart
are there ways to demonstrate
how strong is this desire?
It’s only ever always you
who lights & fuels my fire
Desire years-long strong for you
who forever rules my heart
try as I might, still lost the fight
I can’t be where you are
someday I dream
You’ll return to me,
you who burns within my soul
Show me you still care for me
Your love will make me whole

I know you hold
So many aches inside your heart
I know you care
So deeply
You hold so many hearts
Close
Your heart is big
But no heart can hold the burdens
of the world
Yet you try
I know this of you
Please know, my heart holds yours
I care