I want to go back in time
I want you to be mine
& me to be only ever always yours
I want yours & mine to be ours
I want what cannot be
an alternate reality
as my now & my future
I want you to be in my life
More

My heart would race
Flip-flop
Stop
If you
Walked through that door
As if I were a teen again

don’t wanna make it weird…
but thanks for being real
I realize you don’t express feelings lightly

I won’t tell you “thank you”
Don’t wanna make it weird
Yet i am…thankful…
I treasure your trust
I treasure knowing you

What are the secrets
You promise yourself never
to reveal?
They are safe with me…
hmm, but would I be safe with them?
Perhaps that is the truer reason why
you hide the thoughts I wish you’d say.
Truthfully, I just miss you
in every way, every day…
I’d be your week of recovery
If only fates allowed…
Mmm, though we both know
I’d never be satisfied
With just a week
I still want a lifetime
even that would be too short a time
to know your touch
to touch your heart
to hold your heart in mine
to have all mine be yours
No, a week would never suffice
Still, it would be nice…
Famished here in this desert of nothing
I dream of an hour, or just mere minutes
in your presence.
I count my wealth in moments
spent immersed with you
(& your secrets)

I would make it home for you
I would BE Home for you
Not just “would be”
don’t you see?
I AM for you…
I want to be your
comfort, constant, safe, release
through the changes.
yes, I too fear change…
see? …our fears are held
warm in the palm of my hand
soft your skin, soft your lips
warm to the touch of my hand…
safe, home, calm, held,
Loved
Home
WE are home

Why
Why can’t it just be okay
why must I give excuse or explain
why does society not accept
that I just want to be alone?
Why does guilt weigh heavy
Why can’t…

I just want … alone

Is that so wrong?

Yet even now, at 10pm
guilt weighs heavy
as I rest
Alone

Airport billboard read:
“Someday is Any day”
“**** that” I say
My someday
is never
Whatever
I’m used to disappointment