Age: 1
There's really not much to remember from a year of being born.

Age: 2
Still nothing.

Age: 3
Nope

Age: 4
Now we're getting somewhere. Dad left. He left us with a an angry hole in the wall from where I saw him kick.

Age: 5
My cousin burned my hand severely with an iron this year. I remember watching all of the other kids got to ride their bike and play around. And me? Holding my bandaged hand from the side of the street.

Age: 6
There's a faint memory of a pink and yellow skirt that I wore all of the time. I was in love from the first time my mom brought it home. This was the year I received the infamous Care Bear that all of my family soon learned to love like they did me.

Age: 7
I went trick-or-treating as a princess this year. It was the best of them all. Mom found someone else to "love".

Age: 8
I lost my Care Bear. This was enough to ruin the rest of the year. I entered the third grade at a new school that mom said was closer to our real house. I realized that my dads side of the family didn't like me. I wonder why.

Age: 9
The cousin who burned my hand? I burned her with a firework stick in the ****. It was an accident of course. The nurse pulled me out of class and had a very personal talk with me about my growing *****.

Age: 10
In the fifth grade, I experienced my first gain and loss of friendship. It prepared me for the years to come.

Age: 11
The sixth grade; the year that I met all of the important people in my life. This is the only explanation needed. Most importantly, I met you.

Age: 12
She ran away from home and when I finally found her, we cried together in her room. I soon left her.

Age: 13
Finally a teenager and still trying to escape my growing feelings for you. Ah the eighth grade.

Age: 14
Ashly became the closest thing I had to a best friend. And then there was you...

Age: 15
We drifted and Ashly became so much more closer. It's still a little hard to talk to you when I know that you have new friends and that you might not miss me. We still talk and every once in a while, I sense hope...

Don't ever fall in love with a poet
because they will indeed admire and watch your every move
they will write about how the pen marks on the side of your palm when you write
don't ever because they will trace
every single freckle you have on your face and
write about the color of each and every one of them and
describe how they smile so brightly under the sunlight
they will want you to want to know every little thing about them
even if it's just what hand they write with and want you
to be wondering why they write with that specific hand when in
reality it doesn't even matter

the poet will watch the way you dig
your eyes onto that book and your small quick remarks onto the 26 letters all crumpled together and will know that everyday at 5:28 p.m. you smile

they will look deeply into your eyes
to see if they can at least take a little
peak of your soul and they will write
about you like if you were the only
thing they see good in this world

they will want to know what you think
about when you look at them and
see if you also count each and
every freckle and hope and write  
that you do but they will
love you endlessly and they will
show you that they love you and only you

but don't date a poet if you aren't
capable to watch them and
admire their imperfections
when they sleep late at night
beside you.

j.f

Sometimes I sit and wonder what people say about me when I'm not there.
Am I the bad friend?
Am I the one that everyone regrets meeting?
The way that you avoid me makes me think that I am.

What did I do wrong?
I'm there when people need me, but that's just the thing;
I'm only there when people need me.
I make Mr. Cellophane look like the elephant in the room.

See, I just don't get it.
I know that this sounds selfish, but when will somebody finally start to care about me?
When will the time come that I don't have to message first and then not even get a reply?
God, not even my "best friends" talk to me on  daily basis.
Or even a weekly basis.

I'm like a public water fountain.
People are glad when they see me, but it's not like I'm their first choice
They were probably too broke to afford a better choice.
I am a placeholder.
I am temporary.
I will never make the final cut, but do you remember when you said that you would always have time for me?
Well you and I must have different definitions of the word "always" because time is up and wow, it went so fast.

So the next time that you complain about having no friends, I want you to remember how I was there.
Me, the nonexistent friend; I was always there to pick you up when you needed it and even when you didn't.

I want you to remember every 2 AM conversation,
Every fear that you told me,
Every deep, dark, secret desire,
Every ******* lie that you uttered.
I want you to remember how you pushed me away; how I came back the first couple of times it happened, but this time I won't.

I won't be your ego boost and I refuse to satisfy your sadistic need for attention because I am not the bad friend.
I have never been and never will be.
And maybe I'm thinking too much or maybe I'm not.
Maybe this is all true or not
And maybe one day I'll have the courage to tell you this to your face.

But sometimes I sit and wonder what you say about me when I'm not there.
Am I the good friend?
*Am I  the one that you regret meeting?

To say that I don't think of you is a lie.
To think that I don't miss you is blasphemous
And missing you is a sin that I have yet to confess
And I'm not Catholic so I don't know how that works.

But here's my problem:  I don't want to confess if it's not to you.
It becomes meaningless once it reaches the ears of someone else.

They tell me that loving God means that He's the only one.
I can place No-One else above him.

Is it bad to say that He was cast down the second I met you?
I don't think so.
I think He should be understanding of my longing.
Why would He create you if not to present you to me?

I'd like to think that that's the case; you are meant for me.

Sadly I don't think that The Lord and all His mysterious ways work like that.
I don't think He likes your place above him because He is a jealous God.

And now I can't have you.

He has struck us like the Tower of Babel and it's hard for me to understand you.
This is why I must confess, why I must reveal my sins to you, for who can forgive me except for the one who was wronged?

*God won't and I won't either.

Forgive me if I say that you can't take my pride!
You can burn me in hell!Make my soul be fried!
But in the end I know I am better without a doubt!
A narcissistic vanity is where I base my growth!

I envy you in every way!
Why can't I have what you have today!
It's so simple yet so frail!
This feeling I have will always be pale!

Haha!It's all mine!Oh!Gluttony you say?!
Do you wanna have some?Are you willing to pay?!
I'm not obsessed in having or to possess them all!
It's just that I can so **** you all!

Ahhh!My blood is rushing all over my body!
The heat you are sharing makes my hands all shaky!
My stomach is rumbling I'm so ready for you!
The lust I am having won't last till' both you and I get through!

I will crush your skull for not obeying me!
I will rip you apart for humiliating me!
My anger will smite you to pieces, feel the wrath of my fury!
We all are familiar with this feeling, the beast within you and me!

For the people I will serve my country!
This is the mask I wear in front of humanity!
As my greed pilfer and slowly steal all their money!
I became rich and famous!I will claim the throne gladly!

So busy thinking while laying my body on this bed!
Oh there is so much things to do maybe later I'll just rest my head!
I'm suffering apathy sloth as they say that gets into me!
I will change really tomorrow when I wake up believe me!

He said: ("I know...I'm sorry--I said it would never happen again. He's my boy...and she's your bestfriend. I never meant to cause you pain, I hate hurting you, and Yes! I'm to blame. Oh! My god!, I can't stand to see tears flowing from eyes...that girl, envoked me. She took me by surprise...and now it's to late. I've caused tears to enter your eyes. I know, forgive me! I said never again but, I found myself committing the ultimate sin; against you, the one that i love... You're Gods gift to me from above. I don't know! How i got here--here in this state doing all the things, I love but hate. I used her! Hurt you and him...but my focus is on us... I can't think about them. Please, will you forgive me? Give us another chance...I promise--before God only you will i romance. Look, I love you! You're my bestfriend, my lover, my wife...and when I said I do I meant it for life. I understand...you're right, this is my again--but now i really realize that, I can't live without...my wife,my lover,my friend; will you please forgive me and let me back in?:)"

   She said;("I forgive you...that's the easy part--because after the first time; you no longer had my heart. Yes' I know, you did it again and this time with my so-called-friend. Boyyy' I'm not, even mad at you...because this time I did it too. These tears, I cry...I cry for me' They're tears of joy...because I'm free, free to tell you...what you didn't know; while you were out there playing the *****. Yes! We've been on this road before but this time i decided to explore. What! You didn't think that we knew... Oh-yeah! He knew about her like I knew about you. I guess, in short... what I'm trying to say is-that; I left you long before today. I forgave you... a long time ago...I still care but I don't love you no-more. Please don't cry! I never meant to hurt you...Cause you pain, and like you--I promise never to do it again. But unlike you...I just can't stay, this is my goodbye and there's nothing else to say.:)"