How would, I describe myself? I would like to think that, I'm caring, kind, understanding, giving, respectful, responsible, God-Fearing, strong, open-minded, and a good person...but honestly, I'm broken, brokenhearted, cast down but not out, shattered-and-tossed to the four winds, a light that has lost it's brightness, a cause without a purpose, a song without a melody, the truth-holding unto a lie, hope-deferred, a wounded warrior, misunderstood-and-mishandled, abandoned-and-mislead, strength covered in weakness, lonely but not alone, poured out...with nothing left to give, a shadow walker looking for a reason to live, divine-and-human, fearless but not free,  an eagle with broken wings, looking-hoping-wanting..... for someone. Someone, to truly love me. Who, Asked this question?! Someone, Who truly, wants to get to know the real me!

You wouldn't believe that I'm wearing your shoes, your house shoes; the white ones that feel like you're walking on clouds. They were the last ones, you would ever wear. You liked them but not as much as you liked your blue ones. I wanted to feel close to you or feel you close ; maybe I just wanted to walk in your shoes, whatever the reason I'm overwhelmed with thoughts of you. I can see you walking in these shoes....with your slow-hurry, hands in mines--- smiling as if, all was well and all, we had was time; I can feel the warmth of you, I can see the God in you, I can hear the beating of your heart, more than that, I can see the readiness in your eyes... I don't want to... I try to shield myself against it; I try to make you want to stay...I plead with God, give me more time with you...and He does but you're ready. You're ready to go to Him and He's ready to receive you. Memories of you are running down my eyes again but it's okay....I'm wearing your shoes and right now, I believe that I'm going to be alright. You're with God and He's  with me....I believe as I'm wearing your shoes. I believe as I'm wearing your shoes.

Momma had an addiction and she had me... at 12 she said these words candidly .....baby girl you're beautiful, smart, and fine, and I thank God for making you mine! I love you...God knows that ,  It's true but there's somethig that, I need you to do! He, Who would be first was simply the worst.... He broke me-- took my body and soul...left me bleeding, naked, and cold crying on a concrete floor... Momma covered me with ***** sheets.... said ,that I done good and the cycle repeats. The next one took my lips....my mouth  a warm surprise, and the next took my hips and thighs; did things to my body that, my heart despised. The next took the very essence of me.... looking into my eyes.... he said--- that, He loved me! Words, I'd never heard before.... at my breaking never more. I remember, standing on the bridge about to give my all..... when  I heard a voice that, said-- I'll catch you when you fall....You saved me Lord.... saved me from it all... gave me new life and made me your own.... You Saved Me! Nova St.Paul

I loved you when I didn't know what love was.... I loved you when I didn't love myself. You made me feel like there was only us....no-one else. You made me love you beyond myself...had me thinking-- you loved me the same.... I was thinking about taking your last  name; . Then,  He came and everythng changed, the way you touched me, the way you called out me name--- when we would do our thing.... made me think that, maybe you wanted him more then me. I was into him too but I told myself.... not more then you! I loved you so... you loved him more.... I love him too.... and he loved me more then he loved you; We've been together for ten years now, three minus one equals two... I find myself loving him now more then you!

I'm  dying....it's been like this for awhile now...I've grown,  good at hiding my pain behind my smile. I cry tears that no-one can see, I scream out in anguish--- wow-it's me....so tired of being strong, just wanna be free-- just wanna be allowed to be me. I'm dying.... bleeding on the inside... wanting to cry out... but can't abandon my pride; I'm a lion not a lamb;  gotta be strong... no-matter what... Oh-****! I never saw it coming, had no-time to prepare, mother-sister...why did you leave me there? Abandon, Eventhough you sent me back home.... I felt rejected and all alome. Mother-Sister, Why! Did you bring me home.... you never loved me the way you loved the other's.... I felt like a slave put aslide and left alone. Yea! You said that, You loved me but I couldn't tell.... it's okay --- I'm doing well. I've survived the abuse, the misuse, and the rest I want tell.... I love you mother-mother and I wish you well. I forgave you a long time ago.... that's why I can be here,  for you whatever-comes-or-go.Sister-Mother, I forgive you too, it's been hard but I have truely forgiven you. I'm dying, but now I'm dying to live, dying to love, and dying to forgive. Yea! I'm dying to live.

Empty, Lying on the floor....crying don't leave- but honestly can't take much more. Make me cry then make me moan, make me smile then rub me wrong; give me roses say...you'll never hurt me again... by nights end we're in the mix again. Trying to run but not wanting to be free, wishing-- praying that, one day you'll love me. Black-and-Blue, I have no shame, love me hard , and I'll call out your name. I would crawl for miles in the sun or rain, I would take a bullet; I'd do anything, to keep you from harm or pain. Some, Say, I'm crazy....Some, Say, I'm a fool.... Thing-Is, I don't wanna live without you.  I know that, I could but I don't want to...I love us enough and I love me... enough for you. Enough For You!

Can you teach me--- How to still the silence, when it's so loud I can hear it in the deepest parts of me. Can you teach me, How to give voice to my funk and sway my blues away? Can you?