Melancholy in my coffee
Subdues my day
Dresses me in drab
Lifeless clothing
The smile I wore yesterday
Left hanging in the closet
Slightly wrinkled
Sends me out the door
Under the grey sky
My vision clouded
My mind numbed
Even your warm skin
I kiss goodbye
Can't make the sun shine today
Tomorrow, I think, I'll take
My coffee black

Homework turned in on time
Straight A's is what I strive for
Seen as a nerd by most
I see myself as someone who simply wants more

Oh, so I don't have a life?
Because of my grades?
Excuse me for knowing
When to work and when to play

You call me lame, a geek
Ever consider I'm trying to escape poverty?
Saying I was "born smart"
As an excuse
For why I'm doing better than you

No, I don't go home and read
Every minute, every day
Or go straight home and study
Or watch documentaries

Yes, I believe education
Is my purpose
For coming to school everyday
Honestly if I didn't learn anything
It wouldn't be worth it

I have a life that branches
Far away from this school
Don't call me a "nerd"
Because I want a future more than you

Im from oak trees
Reaching limbs that shade
The sizzling concrete
Tailgating before a game

Im from Sunday breakfast
Family gathered round
Loud music & conversation
Filling the house with sound

I'm from a sprinkler
Placed in the backyard
In the summer time
The cheapest way to cool off

I'm from biting tongues
Southern by a grace
Taught feelings are better bottled up
In attempt to save a little face

I'm from photographs, artifacts and names used
In vain to help my grandmothers memory pull through

I'm from the place
Where music is constantly played
At every occasion, no matter the time of day

I'm from a culture, deeply rooted
Through mardi gras, beignets, and family reunions
Where English occasionally gives way to French
Like a tree. I branch
In every direction
I am from home

Your text
Lights up my smart phone's screen
Elated, excited and feeling dumb beyond belief
For a minute I allowed my mind to wander
Dangerously thinking
Falsely interpreting your message's meaning
Forgetting just for a moment
Your smiles mean nothing
Forgetting that we're just friends
"What's up"
That's what your text will say
Followed by a
"Did you see her smile today?"
Yes I did.
No she didn't wave.
The smile wasn't aimed even aimed at you  
Every week
I watch you watch her like a fool
Coming to me for advice you're too afraid to use
Pathetic is the only word that comes to mind when I think
Of how you agonize over every move she makes
Yes that was a blink.
No it wasn't a code.
Blinking twice doesn't mean yes, once doesn't mean no
As much as I despise your infatuation
I'm guilty of a crime of similar aggravation
I like you but you'll never know

A smile
So brightly aimed at me
Elated I was beyond belief
Just to think someone was finally noticing me...
me.
My presence had unconsciously formed a smile on someone's lips
And for once I felt...
Pretty

Suspicion quickly replaced
His joy surely mirrored on my face
Reality began to resurface
Someone must have paid you
Why are we speaking?
Complete reassurance
Embarrassed at my foolishness
I'm sorry self-doubt rules my life

Insecurities sharp as knives stab at my brain
Jumping around, replaying all the words I've ever heard people say
All the times I've been judged by the size of my waist
Before it was even thought to ask my name
Talking myself down
Building myself up
Anyone would be lucky to know you
You'll never be good enough
You're so fat
It's just more to love
Finally convincing myself to reach for the chance I deserve

Another smile in the hall
I wave happily
Switch to confusion when I see you don't do anything
I wondered what I did
Where did I go wrong
Until I notice her and understand all along
While I convinced myself to be brave
Once again I remained unseen

Hot tears stinging my face
As I pray God to help us
Hoping he would replace
Your acquired taste of selfishness
With selfless love and make
You happy without having a bottle permanently by your side to drink

Hands folded
Hard floor hurting my knees
Willing God to open your eyes
To make you see
All the things you have that you could need
Just as badly as the foul drink
you choose as your poison

Tears begin to fall uncontrollably
It hurts
Wondering why we aren't the center of your world
Your everything .
Why don't we deserve
To see you completely sober
for once
You sip all day , pass out drunk
Wake up and the first the thing you do is grab another one
Aluminum blue, white writing on the can
That taunts me as if saying

"He loves me more than you"

I'm starting to think you don't know me
The sweet words you say unarm me
Leaving me feeling wanted
I thought you understood when I told you I hated compliments?
Especially when I don't know if they're true

You break the rules
I have written around my heart
You open your mouth and I start
Wondering foolishly
falling apart
Crumbling Into feelings
I might never get out of

You wonder why I can't make up my mind
One day I'm happy next day I'm "fine"
All the while changing , trying not to find
Flaws in what's too good to be true

I roll my eyes
In defense
Hoping you won't see past the pretense
Looking Into their depths
And seeing the hope that lies

I'm fine with being alone
I can keep my heart closed
Do me a favor?
Next time you think those sweet words?
Bite your tongue.

Tossing and turning
The moon increasing my yearning
To see your face
Feel your hand on me
Witness your smile that's reassuring
Looking at me as if I'm perfect
The only one for you.
Restless
I roll around on my bed
Envisions of what ifs playing in my head
Trying to sleep
Checking my phone for a text
I'm not sure I'll receive
But I'm wishing on the stars in the sky
That what you see when you see me
Is beautiful in your eyes
As I close mine
Trying to fall into a dream
Holding hands
In a world where you'll be
Without a doubt proud
To be seen
As the star of my hopeful dreams

As your text
Lights up my phone's screen
Instantly my mood changes
Your message serving as a light in the dark filled depression that seems to swallow me whole
Of course you don't notice
The turbulent misconceptions concerning my imperfection
That exist just below the surface
Of this fake smile on my face
Quite deceiving
You assume I'm comfortable in my skin
And I know your just kidding
When you crack jokes about my numerous flaws
As if I can accept it
Like I expected you more than anyone else to know the difference
Between a harmless joke and a stab at my self confidence
As intimately as you see me
I dangerously hoped you'd see through me
Beneath the damage and scars left from years of brutal immaturity
But like all else you fell for the illusion  
Assuming
I was fine with being second best
It's baffling how you can claim to be so close
To a person you don't even know
Thinking I'd be fine with you talking about her
When you never gave me the chance I deserved
Cuz I wasn't perfect?
Don't I know it