August sun stung my eyes
as sweat trickled down my brow waiting.
Anxiety and Fantasy banged around in my head turning like a picture book
i saw you emerge from the blinding lights and heat waves
Baby i was smitten by you
inhaling deep sweet smokes from the tip of a pipe
i walked a concrete line as sweltering reality dipped and swerved
dancing around your carelessly moving body
Baby i was infatuated by you.
resting in the shadows of the day
I, i couldn't breathe
you stole the breath from me as you kissed me
i had an enviable lust for you
Baby i loved you
the gentle swerves became dodges
I grew impatient with you
having miserable meetings over your movements
you chose to move with someone else when i went to the bathroom
Baby i hated you.
blinded by the words burnt into my head
feeling her imprint where I
I was suppose to fit!
Baby i hated you!
i gave you my heart  and you burnt it!
BABY I LOVED YOU!
this monkey wrench beaten me into madness,
impaled by my rage
I ******* hate you!
your gentle touches ripped the fabric of my soul
you ******* murdered me!
Baby you burnt me.
leaving nothing but a ****** scarlet letter
i scrubbed my skin with sandpaper
And couldn't get rid of your traces
Baby i longed for you.
i needed you.
i loved you.
**I love you.

my heart is
concealed.
fluttering vibrations coat my throat holding the gasps of his essences I draw in
I am frozen.
convulsing on this bed
I am deaf
and I love it.
the buzzing in my head makes me weightless
I am floating
and I love it.
rolling my neck like a swan
I am freely chained to your body
and I love it.
feeding on your exhale
I am thriving
on your ecstasy alone
and I love it.
legs going numb
only feeling between my thighs
and I love it.
the burning on my ***
from the slap by your hand
and I love it.
red is smoldering.
as I lay by your side
and I love it.
the blanket of afterglow
while we finally are alone
and I love it.

A tight squeeze,
reassuring me that he is still there,
and everything will be okey.
Looking at the hands,
interlocked.
Hands that will wither,
and grow old,
together.

A slap on the back,
slightly harder than intended,
letting me know it was all in good fun.
Reassuring me that this friendship is real,
and valued.

A little hand in mine,
holding tightly,
as we weave through people.
I am telling him that he is safe,
with me.

Rough hands help me off the ground,
like they have numerous times before,
they are always there for me,
catching me whenever I fall.

Hand tell stories words can not,
they convey emotions that are ineffable.
Where words fail,
hands sing.

I didn't notice that I'd touched the ground
until I began to take my steps
in time with all these feet that I thought
I would never quite catch, yet
here we are in pace
and I can feel the earth under my soles almost always
for the first time
in awhile

and though the nights still make me anxious
as midnight chimes I fear I've lifted off again
each night
like clockwork
makes me anxious
so far the daylights waken me once more
grounded me
and ever forward I can move

finally

the teacher
expounded on the value of the tree
“Isaac Newtown
discovered the law of gravity
under an apple tree;
the Buddha gained nirvana
seated under the Bodhi tree
Children -
what can we extrapolate from this?”


“It’s obvious, teacher,” said a smarty-pants kid
*“class is useless -
for if they’d been seated in a class like us
they’d have remained ignorant”