Orange hair on a hard mattress.
You smelt of lavender and gin
and I knew in some adverse way
that I was responsible for both
and from it I took small pleasures
all of them equally as perverse
and unjustified.

It's all the motions of unrequited love;
except it's as far from unrequited as it could be
and I'm happy about that.

A man once told me that someday I might be happy
that I didn't get the things I so strongly yearned for.

He said might, but he did not emphasize it.

****** to hell

     life of loneliness 

Words dripped from your ever feeding mouth
Drenched in your drugged reality
I opposed with confidence
                           you 
                           * destroy*
                                        me

Broken conversations,
empty lungs,
doors half open,
hearts almost out of love.

We used to talk of how
we used to be infinite.
But now every second now feels
like a stroke against an unforgiving current.

Our conversations broke
as the flaws of our souls
fell through the cracks of this glass foundation.

These upset words that escaped you
left the air around me a little sad,
a little awake,
and with a lot of echoes.

My lungs went empty
talking you down.

I left the door open for you.
So you can walk in
and slip in quietly-
I won't say a word.

And this heart could never go empty,
not mine.
Yours,
at this point,
I know not.

Flowers never lost their color
as long as you walked this earth.

So I've been finding myself thinking of you as I watch the clock
Tick
And tick
And tick
My goodnight buddy, 
Where have you gone?
I miss you the early morning we dont lay awake talking nonsense 
Speaking in hypotheticals 
We slowly gather each others intimacies  
You come to me at perfect times
Easing my lips to a smile
we engage in a joyful nothing
Until the next night that ends as dawn begins
that begins with you asking me to stay up again because you wish to fall asleep to my voice.
To my goodnight buddy 
I wish you sweet dreams.