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Feb 2017
I don't want to be a bother
Thats why no matter who asks
The answer is nothing other
Than I am fine

I am fine
As i smile
I am ok
Just leave me a while

Dont worry about me
I am good
I just don't want you to really see
I am not

I hate myself
Some say its madness
Or an urge for attention
Guess my feelings aren't worth mention

I am worthless
I am ugly
My thoughts are thoughtless
Stupid me

No one knows
I cry myself to sleep sometimes
No one knows
Its because i wanna die sometimes

People say i am selfish
For being depressed
That is is foolish
To be hurt when i am fed and dressed

But what is the use
When all i feel is pain
Why smile for a full stomach
With an empty soul

I live for others
I love for them
But no one really bothers
To look within

I love deeply out of desperation
I live off acceptance
I give my all with no hesitation
No matter how hurt i get
I stay for companionship
For i am afraid of the realisation
That no one wants me

I don't know if its daddy issues
Or i got it from my mama
Or i am just ****** up
And filled with drama

I am not handsome
Or insanely smart
I am a lil witty
But thats all i got

I make jokes and smile wide
I give so much
And try to hide
I am dying inside

I get taken advantage of because i can't hurt people
But when it comes to me
I inflict hurt with no equal
Sadly degradation is my sequel

I know i shouldn't be so sad
Bt the depression is so bad
I wanna **** it
But it lives in me

I would have ended it a long time ago
Bt i have people depending on me
So i have a lot to do before I go
Its not because i don't love them
I hope they know
Its because i don't love me
Its sad i know .

I love ***
For through it i forget
In that moment i am loved
A feeling nothing can upset

I know i should talk about it
But who will listen
To how my father hates me
Who will take the time to really listen

Who will hold me
When my sister resents me
Who will really see
How i just want to be free

From the sadness
Sadness filling my soul
Happiness is the goal
Yet Impossible because i am a mess

I don't want to be a bother
That's why no matter who asks
The answer is nothing other
Than I am fine

Trust me
I am fine
Reddington Silver Jr
Written by
Reddington Silver Jr  Rolla
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